T.I.L.T. Things I've Learned Thursday IIIVI

It's somewhat fitting, at least to a guy as enthralled with numbers and probability as I am, that my 36th Things I've Learned Thursday falls less than a month from my own 36th birthday. It probably means nothing though, because numbers don't always have meaning.

* We're always the people we were in elementary school, high school, and college. Our formative years are just that, the years which form us. This is not to say that we don't grow beyond our own pride and/or insecurity, beyond whether we were a popular kid or an unpopular one, a smart one or a dumb one. But these early roles are our foundation, and the root of any decision we make. And while this level of self-awareness is important, looking back in order to move forward, the greatest strength we might overlook in our arsenal is the realization that we are not alone in this. Everyone around us has his or her own core. If you can recognize who a person was, where he or she came from, you can better understand how to reason with that individual. It's not always easy, but if you look hard enough, you can see who you're really dealing with. After that, no argument is insurmountable.

* Somewhat related to my first point, my mom is starting to see living with my aging father as being akin to having another child. It's not that he's losing his facilities or that you can't reason with him. It's just that some of his common sense is waning, and his impatience, always a part of him, has now become exaggerated. He easily gets in trouble if no one is watching him for a long enough period of time. Anticipating the arrival of the oil guy to check our tank, and having too much free time, he decided to clean the basement on Tuesday afternoon. Apparently, upon finding a mysterious piece of plastic on the floor under the oil tank, he broke it in half, and immediately came upstairs to complain to my mom because his hands were now sticky. What he didn't realize was that this object was a glue trap which my mom had been successfully using to eliminate the Camel Cricket population down there. She couldn't understand why he'd pick something up without knowing what it was and break it, let alone why he didn't remember she had traps down there. She told him there was another one under the stairs; hopefully he remembers. Meanwhile, it took a while to clean the glue off his hands, and she later discovered the sink handle was sticky too because he had touched it. It's like me as a little kid all over again. And on Sunday, when we got home from the Fall festival, I left my ticket on the kitchen table. Within seconds of leaving the room to tell my mom where I put it, I heard ripping sounds. “I threw it away,” called in the old man, overhearing me start to tell my mom it was on the table, “You didn't want it, right?” So I've learned not only to keep an eye on my dad, but to not leave anything in his line of sight when he's bored and/or in a cleaning mood.

* It is very difficult to shop for my parents, but it's especially difficult that their wedding anniversary falls in the same month as Halloween. I decided to shop for them on Wednesday night since the anniversary is this weekend(along with about 4 or 5 other things on the busiest weekend ever), but I kept getting distracted by ornaments and costumes. For once, I don't know exactly what I'm going to dress up as, although I have it narrowed down to two or three ideas. It all depends on what props I can find, and which items will be the least disruptive to my normal appearance. As for my folks, while I thought I had a great idea with buying them an air conditioner, which they desperately need, at a time of year when they'd be more affordable, I found that every store I went to was only selling heating fans and room dehumidifiers. Foiled by seasonal merchandising! So I had to settle for a gift card in the amount of an air conditioner, and then the usual assortment of snacks, movies, and puzzle books.

* Intersection traffic cameras are dangerous. I already got a ticket once last year while driving my dad's car. Months after the fact, we got it in the mail along with a picture of our license plate and how many tenths of a second had elapsed after the light turned amber and I was in the intersection. Since then, they've multiplied across Long Island, and though there was a list of locations and many are obvious if you know where to look, it's easy to forget. On my way home from shopping on Wednesday night, I waited at an intersection to make a right turn. There was a car in front of me, and the driver opted to turn once the light was green, even though turning on red was permitted. I followed, and suddenly there was a blinding flash in my rearview mirror. At first I thought I had some kind of seizure, but realized it was the flash of a camera. The thing is, I wasn't doing anything wrong. I was turning from the side street. But now I'm worried that, from the camera's point of view, my car was in the intersection after the light had turned red. How could they distinguish if I drove straight ahead, or turned from the street with the green light? The still image would only show the back of my car. And if that's the case, that's pretty tough to fight, and a pretty crummy way for officials to make money. I'd almost prefer a running video camera to the still image, since that would show where my vehicle came from. I guess there's nothing I can do now but wait, and hope I don't get a picture and a fine in the mail in a few months.

* My sarcasm seems to grow exponentially in relation to my facial hair. I tend to act cockier whenever I have a goatee.

* Endings are inevitable, and should not be feared. I think the fact that we're mortal, or that entertainment is finite, makes us appreciate what we'll eventually lose even more. People, of course, can't ”Jump the Shark” like a television show that has been on for too many seasons. We might grow tired of each other, or fall into a routine, but we'd know something was missing when that other person was gone. Realizing the inevitability of death doesn't take away from the sadness when it does eventually happen, but there's some strength to be drawn from the removal of the shock and surprise. Most of the time, we don't know when an ending is coming. It's great when we can prepare and get things in order, but life and fate are in the hands of a higher power. A smoker might live to be 100. A jogger might get hit by a bus while only a young man. Real life doesn't come with a countdown clock, so be prepared....

6

T.I.L.T. Things I've Learned Thursday XXXV

It's been a while since my last Things I've Learned Thursday, but that doesn't mean I've stopped learning. Here's what I've got for my 35th edition:

* “Send and Receive All” is an extremely dangerous button where my work e-mail is concerned. The other day I helped a fellow art director with a simple problem; the attachment she was attempting to send was too large. With a properly compressed file, she was able to send it without a problem, but by the time I got back to my office, I hadn't received it. Now, the actual explanation is that my name had simply been left off the distribution list. But, impatient and stupid in my impatience, I hit a button I never hit. My e-mail is set to deliver automatically every five minutes, so I should have waited. The “Send and Receive All” button appeared to do nothing. Then I got an automatically generated message from a girl on maternity leave, saying she'd be out of the office for an extended period of time. Oddly enough, that message was in response to something I'd sent out three months ago. Moments later, I got a puzzled reply from another coworker, because she received an e-mail saying I'd just spoken with her on the phone about something. Then one of my writers popped her head in my office, to ask if I'd sent an e-mail about a project we'd finished months ago. Horror dawned at the prospect that I might have just sent everything in my “Sent Mail” folder out a second time. I quickly replied to the one e-mail I knew had gone out, apologizing for the glitch and telling all parties they could ignore the message. But one person replied in the interim, cc'ing someone else and saying that person was working on that mailing, without even reading the body of the e-mail. So I had to respond to someone else. Then, because I get “Read” receipts, I saw someone in our imaging studio had received yet another old e-mail, this time a batch of retouching requests. I checked our system, and saw that she had simply started downloading images to make adjustments that had already been made months ago. Quickly, I sent her an e-mail explaining the situation. How many? How many confusing duplicates had been triggered by that one button? As far as I could tell, those were the only two messages, with about 14 coworkers thinking I'd gone mad. The only common bond between the messages was that they contained attachments, and may have gotten stuck in some outbox limbo the first time I tried to send them. So those ghost copies remained even after I sent the originals, and pushing that button jarred them free after many months. Hopefully it won't happen again, but I learned to avoid that one button at some cost to my reputation as a guy who knows what he’s doing.

* My accident-prone nature may be hereditary. Last week, while on her way to visit her brother in the nursing home, my mom thought she saw the hose dripping, and assumed my dad hadn't turned the nozzle all the way. While he sat in the car waiting for her, she stepped over some rocks ringing a small garden next to the house, and tried the faucet. It was then that she slipped on a wet rock, and landed on her arm. When she didn't get back up right away, my dad knew something was wrong, and leapt out of the car to see what had happened. Long story short, when I got home from work, my dad explained that they'd gone for x-rays because my mom had fallen. She's been in pain ever since, but the diagnosis was that she'd badly bruised her ribs, and thankfully hadn't broken anything. All she can do is take some painkillers, and she'll be sore for the next few weeks while she heals. Now that I think about it, three weeks ago she was trimming some trees and stabbed herself in the forearm with a broken twig, which is extra dangerous since she's on blood thinners to treat atrial fibrillation. I guess this apple didn't fall too far from that tree.

* According to CNN, “...scholars say Obama's critics ignore a lesson from American history: Many white Americans don't like angry black men.” Wow. Maybe tomorrow they'll have an exposé about how some cats don't like dogs, or something equally groundbreaking....

* Popularity comes with a price. A while back, one of the band leaders I play for got us a job upstate for this coming Sunday. Meanwhile, the son of another band leader I play for called me on Tuesday, to see if I'd be available that same day to do a gig in the Bronx for a third band leader, one I'd worked for in the past who hadn't hired me for anything yet this season. Had he asked me before I committed to this other group, I probably would have gone. But the kicker came at the end of the voicemail, because the father and son bandleaders don't drive: “Yeah, so you could meet me an' daddy an' we'll drive in ta the Bronx together.” So those guys probably only recommended me to get a ride and avoid taking three trains. I left him a message saying I'd be out of town until late in the afternoon, and could only make the Bronx gig if it was after 6 PM. And of course, I'd have to go directly there from my first engagement, and wouldn't be able to come back out to Long Island first to pick those two up. Not surprisingly, he hasn't called me back, so I guess my name only came up because my services as a chauffeur were required.

* If you act like you always know what you're talking about, everyone will ask you everything. There's a part of me that likes being a go-to guy. My only fear is one of my darkest secrets; I don't know as much as people think I know....

T.I.L.T. Things I've Learned Thursday MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

OMG CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS IS MY 34,000rd Things I've Learned Thursday?!! WTF?!! Let's get down to KNOWLEDGE, because knowing is one to grow the more you know on, which is of course half the battle:

* The so-called ”Five Second Rule” is complete and utter garbage! I eat off tables and floors on a regular basis with no ill effects. In fact, it's a little known secret that you get more unique flavor blends by doing so.

* Granny-panties are far more comfortable and less restricting than boxers or briefs.

* I stopped going over 30 MPH in my car years ago; it was the best way to stop getting speeding tickets on a regular basis.

* An icicle is the perfect murder weapon, because when it melts there will be neither weapon nor fingerprints left to identify you as the killer.

* If you know how to Google™ and crop photos, you can create the illusion of being a photographer without ever leaving your parents' basement.

* Jorge Garcia is sexier than Evangeline Lilly because he has bigger breasts. Seriously, no contest.

* I believe that paper is the best investment, because once people get tired of computers and digital readers, books will become more popular in the same nostalgic way that vinyl records are back on shelves. So gather as much paper as you can, any time you can, and stockpile it in your basement, because it will be worth a fortune. It's what I've been doing, and it's already shown returns in absorbing some of the rain water that leaked in.

* Trying will almost always lead to success: I've sent in an audition tape, and as a result got an offer to play Bucky in the upcoming Captain America movie. I'll be filming my scenes later in the year, well after I've concluded this blog.

* You know those stupid legally-required tags on costume capes that say “DOES NOT ALLOW THE WEARER TO FLY” or some variation of that warning? Bullsh*t. I've had some success in staying aloft for a few seconds when leaping from trees, and I'll be working my way up to parking garages and bridges next.

* I was wrong when I said Quasar could defeat Green Lantern. Also, Gobots were clearly superior to The Transformers.

* If your 2,000th consecutive post falls a few days before April Fool's Day, you can't post a photo of one of your friends in the hope that people will think it's really you. That would be a terribly, terribly unfair prank. On April 1st, a day on which people know they can't trust you, it would be understandable, but any other day you'd be obligated to show the real deal.

T.I.L.T. Things I've Learned Thursday XXXIII

At 33, will Things I've Learned Thursday become a more regular weekly feature? I wish I learned enough to do this post every week. Truth be told, I wish I remembered all the stuff I’ve learned...

* Gym and church attendance decreases exponentially week by week at the beginning of the year, after record increases that have me parking three blocks away from the gym or squeezing in to a pew next to a family of 8 I've never seen before at church.

* The printed page might never go away completely, but there's a major shift toward the internet that will decrease paper use significantly in the next few years. Pretty soon we'll have more junkmail in our inbox than our mailbox.

* Always take advantage of the extra time to think that the written word affords versus the spoken word. It's amazing how easy it is to type something stupid without thinking.

* When you get something like Road Trip: Beer Pong in the mail, it's time to check the order of your Netflix Queue.

* In the Winter, it is always good to check oneself in a mirror after removing a hat. It is entirely possible to walk around an office for four hours with Dragon Ball hair and not have anyone tell you.

* "Salt Speckle" should be an official color option for new cars, since we're all driving that color NOW. Sorry, car washes....

* Life goes on, whether we are cowards or heroes. At least that's what my fortune cookie said at lunch on Wednesday.

* People over the age of 50 seem to find it disturbingly funny to read fortunes aloud and tack “in bed” to the end of them. I don't know why.

* The light at the end of the tunnel is often a train, but that shouldn't stop us from looking, or we might miss the one time we don't get hit.

* But it usually is a train.

T.I.L.T. Things I've Learned Thursday XXXII

At 32, the roman numerals for Things I've Learned Thursday aren't as risqué as they were for 30, but sooner or later I was bound to learn some new things or think of old things I learned that I had yet to share:

* Dave Franco is the younger brother of James Franco, and other than a resemblance shares none of his older sibling's talent. For all the quiet, brooding, tortured roles that James has done(Pineapple Express notwithstanding), Dave is currently doing the exact opposite as an obnoxious med student on the spinoff of Scrubs that's disguised as a new season of the old show with a few original cast members loitering around the periphery. Actually, he has a lot in common with his brother's stoner character from the Pineapple Express, which is probably why I can't stand the kid and he's my least favorite of the new characters. About the only time he's mildly funny is when they contrast him against someone more knowledgeable and well-spoken like Dr. Cox, and then it's not Franco that's funny but John C. McGinley's line delivery when he repeats something like, “That's right...I am like Shakespeare...yo.” I miss what Scrubs used to be.

* Speaking of Willie Shakes(which sounds like the way Franco's character might refer to him), I just noticed he died at the age of 52. It always amazes me when I consider what some people accomplished within a relatively short time on this Earth, compared to what most of us accomplish with more time.

* January 6th is the traditional day most Catholics have chosen over the years as the time to take down the tree and other decorations, because the Epiphany holiday marks the end of the Twelve Days of Christmas. My family decorates later and later each year, with the tree going up on Christmas Eve and often some straggling ornaments being added the following morning. So we've never been to strict with the 12 day thing, and probably won't be taking anything down before the weekend. I don't think my dad will be turning the outside lights on anymore this week, but I don't think he'll bring them inside just yet.

* You can wear a ski mask, sunglasses, and a knit hat on top of it all to stay warm while walking at lunch on a cold day, but coworkers will still greet you by name no matter how much you're thinking you look like a ninja or a superhero. I wonder what other lies comic books have told me over the years?

* If you put “itanimulli.com” into your web browser, it will bring you to the NSA web site because someone purchased the domain name and added a redirect to the URL. It will also send bloggers and conspiracy theorists into a frenzy, and create major traffic and bandwidth issues, distracting everyone from the true threat: Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel.

* If you're going to pretend to fall backwards in the hallway at work, dodging a pen your friend mimed throwing while imitating the rooftop bullet time sequence from The Matrix, it might be a good idea to look behind you first and make sure there are no executives or hot girls. Contrary to my typical luck, my geek acrobatics conjured neither, which was weird. It was only when my friend said “You’re lucky no one saw that!” that it occurred to me. Has my improbability become so normal, that the only improbable event would be for something improbable not to happen? That kind of stuff makes my head hurt. Clearly I need to delve into my comic book stacks, the source of all my accurate scientific knowledge...

T.I.L.T. Things I've Learned Thursday XXXI

It's time for yet another installment of my semi-regular Things I've Learned Thursday feature. Here's what I know so far:

* I'm sorry to report that Falco is dead. You may remember him from such “hits” as Rock Me Amadeus. And apparently, he's been gone since colliding with a bus in February of 1998. In my defense, I was probably too distraught over my girlfriend breaking up with me that month. Or maybe I just forgot about his demise until now. Oddly enough, I stumbled on this bit of information while on a message board about Heather O'Rourke, the young star of Poltergeist who apparently died of cardiac arrest in 1988. I live in a cave. The actress who played her sister also died young, strangled by a chef in 1982. Have any of you ever had these “Whatever happened to...?” moments where you look someone up only to discover the sad reason why they haven't been seen in a while? In happier news, I'm glad to report that Abe Vigoda is still with us.

* If you're going to cook in your kitchen naked for some reason, make sure the curtains are drawn, because if people cut across your property and happen to see inside, you may risk an indecent exposure charge. It seems like common sense, but I think we all get too comfortable in our own homes sometimes. I've never gotten that comfortable because I live with my folks and have the body of a hairy pregnant woman, but there are definitely times in the Summer when I walk around in briefs. Now if that's not the greatest argument to finally get air conditioning, I don't know what is...

* Earlier this year, the town in which I work closed down the sidewalk along the beach for repairs, eliminating one of my nicer lunchtime walking spots and making it more difficult to get to my favorite deli, since the other side of the street has more side roads and parking lot openings. I'm not sure when they finally opened it, but Wednesday morning was the first time I saw people walking there, and sure enough I found myself there a few hours later, enjoying unseasonably warm temperatures that had me shedding the Winter jacket I'd just reluctantly started wearing. There's a ton of park benches facing the water, rows of lamps which will make it a great place to walk at night, and a new pier jutting out into the water for even better views. And the path is unnecessarily winding, a snake shape more interesting than the old rigid sidewalk. I didn't have my camera with me, and I apparently filled up all the free space on my camera phone(that went fast), but I'm sure a shoot is in order within the next few weeks.

* A flu shot triggered a rare neurological disorder in one 25-year-old girl, a cautionary tale for anyone considering it. There are plenty of possible side effects, first and foremost getting the flu itself, since you're being injected with a trace amount of the particular strain doctors think will be prevalent in a given season. Viruses always adapt, so it's always a gamble. We definitely need a better solution, though I'm not remotely qualified to have an inkling of what that might be. My best guess would be a vaccine that works the way a virus does and adapts to counter whatever strain it faces. That's probably science fiction...for now. (Hat Tip to Rey and B13 for the video)

* Speaking of the flu, apparently it is possible to outrun it. Feeling slightly better on Tuesday as my head cold moved into my lungs, I ran over five miles in the gym. The more I ran, the better I felt. Sure, I was achy and wheezy by the time I got home, but Wednesday night was much better and I ran over six miles. Honestly though, it probably was a bad idea and I shouldn't have let my self-consciousness over regaining 5 pounds since I got sick push me to get back on the treadmill too soon. Kids, don't try this at home.

* Eddie Murphy was originally considered for the role of Winston Zeddemore in the original Ghostbusters. Had he taken the part, I think the group dynamic would have been very different, and some of Bill Murray's jokes might have been coming out of Murphy's mouth. I guess that's why his character always seemed tacked on, showing up halfway through the movie and being there mostly as a device for the other characters to explain things to, and thus the audience. I'm glad they went with Ernie Hudson though, and I liked whatever contributions he was able to make. Hopefully the rumors about everyone returning for Ghostbusters III becomes a reality. Hudson, Aykroyd and Ramis have all claimed to be on board, while Murray has said he'd want to see a script first. They need a good one, something to erase the bad taste of Ghostbusters II. And if not, we'll always have the first movie and The Real Ghost Busters, one of my all-time favorite animated series.

T.I.L.T. Things I've Learned Thursday XXX

Things I've Learned Thursday turns 30, as did I...once. We can't turn back time, sadly, nor can we slow down aging. At least I can space out features like this for months at a time. That way, it's still one of the few things in life I'm not getting too old for:

* Some people are way too quick to confuse time put in with experience. Too often I hear things like “I've been here XX years and we don't do that.” I definitely appreciate the people who ask for input from newer employees and recognize the value of a fresh perspective. You can't be innovative inside a box.

* Experience seems irrelevant when it comes to road workers, however. Young or old, they never fail to wave cars through red lights at intersections without putting a hand up to at least give me a courtesy signal to stop. It's just like this big generous, “Come on! Come on through! There's nobody you'll hit if you do. Well, nobody important...” Morons.

* Judo is not limited to martial arts. Sometimes it can work in meetings and arguments to allow the other person to burn out on the momentum of his or her own words and reach the conclusion that you're actually right.

* Contemporary Korean cinema is very, very good and I must check out more of it.

* A pig may well be the single greatest magical source of multiple meats. This occurred to me for the umpteenth time while enjoying a pepperoni and sausage slice of pizza. Two distinct flavors and textures; one animal.

* On a related note, now that I'm done training for my race I've started eating ice cream and cookies on a more regular basis. I still run for an hour every night after work, but I've been having trouble getting much further than 5 miles, when a week ago I could nearly reach 6 in that time. Diet, apparently, is a factor. I miss the days when I could truly eat anything I wanted and burn it off playing with my friends. Stupid slowing metabolism...

* It is completely impossible to remain motionless when ”Hey Ya” is playing. This is great in a bar, club, or while working out in the gym. It's slightly less great if it comes on after one's workout and you're fighting the natural impulse to dance while in the shower. I probably looked like the worst iPod commercial ever. Of course, if anyone is watching my silhouette through the shower curtain in the locker room, I probably have bigger problems.

* Don't share too much with the world unless it's really funny, really shocking, or both.

T.I.L.T. Things I've Learned Thursday XXIX

29 is the magic number for the July edition of Things I've Learned Thursday. Here's some more useless “knowledge” to drop:

* On July 8th, 2009, at 12:34 and 56 seconds, there was a perfectly chronological progression of digits: 12:34:56 7/8/9. I realized the bit with the date early in the day, found out like 10 other people noticed the same thing, and then one of my friends pointed out the time thing.

* If you're a slow worker, your reward is to get other, faster workers to pick up your slack. If you're a fast worker, your reward is more work. I've learned from past experiences to downplay my speed for this reason, but I've noticed the trend with various people at every company I've ever worked at, and I'm not sure it sends the right message to employees.

* If road workers are going to close lanes on roads with a single lane in either direction, they're more than likely to do so between 8AM and 9AM, to maximize the impact on the commute of office workers. If they started at 9AM, most of us would already be at work and it wouldn't be so bad.

* Michael Jackson had an enviable collection. I want to go to there.
Hat Tip: B13.

* In case of a tornado, it's best to seek shelter in a basement or the lowest floor of a house, and stay away from windows. We had one the other night that began as lightening with no thunder, then brought in high winds, and finally pouring rain and huge hailstones. It only lasted 15 minutes but the sounds outside and the big red blotch on weather radar maps over my house were definitely scary.

* Killing ceiling spiders greatly reduces the number of red bite marks one wakes up with.

* Money takes forever to save and minutes to spend. Similarly, you can exercise for months and lose a few pounds, and gain it all back with one snack. Why did my company's lunchtime staff meeting come with so many delicious cookies?

* I learned something unfortunate about the treadmill at my gym. I've been running an hour each day, covering more and more distance. 5.69 miles is the most I've accomplished so far, and I keep setting the bar higher as I improve. During my latest run, after almost 40 minutes I was at 3.33 miles when my left shoelace came undone and flew about madly, threatening to get caught in the belt. I hit the pause button, hating to break my 6.6 MPH pace that I'd reached. I quickly tied my shoe and jumped back up, hitting the pause button again. Unfortunately, hitting it twice ends the session and resets the machine. Apparently I needed to hit the “Quickstart” button to pick up where I'd left off. So I started over from scratch and, either weighted down from the cookies at lunch or tired from my first attempt, only managed to reach 4.56 miles. In the future I'll tie my shoes better and know what button to push if I have to stop. On a cool and coincidental note though, the total distance I ran in my two sessions was 7.89, the same as the date. Weird...

T.I.L.T. Things I've Learned Thursday XXVIII

I can't remember my 28th birthday, and in time I'll probably forget this 28th edition of Things I've Learned Thursday. Until I do, here's the latest knowledge fresh in my unique and disturbed brain:

* Sons will eventually be somewhat like their fathers, even as daughters will sometimes be like their mothers, and in some cases the role models may be reversed. “Like father, like son...” is a common phrase in my mother's lexicon, and while it occasionally refers to something good like my musical ability or figuring out how to repair something, she uses it just as often for stupid things, like getting lost or not wanting to speak on the telephone. We all inherit behaviors and even incidents. A friend at work was telling me how, while hammering a stake into his garden, he shattered it and pierced the skin, nearly puncturing it all the way through. I was so engrossed in the details of fatty deposits spilling out as he pulled it free, I didn't remember until hours later that, not long ago, his father partially sliced off his fingers on a table saw. Are we all fated to carry on such legacies? Is accident prone part of our genetic memory?

* I tend to be accident-prone myself. I'm currently pushing myself in the gym, trying to run 4-5 miles every night in preparation for a big race at the end of July between all the companies on Long Island. It will be the first time I've participated in that event in about 2-3 years, and my old coworkers will probably be among my competition. I forgot how much energy I have after a real workout, and I realize I've been taking it easy for some time now. I felt so confident and alive driving home on Tuesday night, that I couldn't bear to wait for an SUV to make a right turn, especially since the light had been green for a while and it was just sitting there with the blinker on. So I gunned it and cut around it, suddenly feeling the warmth of flashing lights to my left and hearing the wail of a siren. I made it through the intersection and cut to the shoulder, breathing heavily as I watched the ambulance soar by in my rearview mirror. On Wednesday night, I was less aggressive after my run, but didn't take into account how much of my energy boost was psychological. Standing in my entranceway, I got one of my head rushes, and moved to lean against the wall. Of course, me being me, I missed it by a few inches and only grazed it, nearly tumbling down a flight of stairs to my basement. I grabbed frantically and caught the wall before I went too far. These near-misses are warnings to be cautious when I'm tired and don't realize it.

* Psychology and exercise have an interesting relationship. Aside from the intellectual and emotional clarity that comes from getting the blood pumping, I'm also remembering how the mind can be an obstacle and how important distraction is. Sure, there are times when a pretty girl might cause an accident if we're not watching where we're going, but distraction can be a positive thing when it comes to running. Specifically, I need to turn off my sense of time. If I watch the clock on the treadmill, a minute is an eternity. If I watch the television, or let my mind go blank and ponder the day's events or the challenges of the future, 15 minutes or more can elapse at a higher speed than I'd be capable of if I stopped to think about it. A treadmill is particularly more challenging than running outside since the changing scenery when you're actually running somewhere can provide the proper visual interest. It takes time to hone that zen state of mindless momentum, but I think if I keep this up for about two months I should do okay at that aforementioned race, even if I don't match or beat previous performances.

* In other, non-running related knowledge, my wandering brain lead me to check into the origins of the F-word. I find I've been substituting ”Frak” a lot lately when things go wrong, usually under my breath if uttered aloud at all. For whatever reason, this triggered memories of something a priest at my old high school once told the class about the bombastic F-bomb. In an effort to quench the use of the word, particularly as a substitute for intercourse, he informed us of its origins as an acronym in prison, something guards would put in their paperwork when one inmate sexually assaulted another: “Forced Unlawful Carnal Knowledge”. With such horrific connotations, it definitely didn't seem like a good term for guys to use when describing what they were doing with their girlfriends. Love and that acronym definitely had no ties. Of course, twenty years later in the age of the internet, I find that story, and common variations of it, to be utterly FALSE. The word itself was never an acronym, and dates back to the 15th century. I guess if you're teaching in an all-boys Catholic high school, the story works as a lesson in discouraging vulgar language and execution. I have to wonder if the priest actually believed those origins himself, or was only using it as a teaching device. I imagine the internet makes his job a lot more difficult now.

* If you ever find yourself going for a walk, alone with your thoughts, pay attention to your lips. A few times recently I've noticed them moving while I was thinking, mouthing some of the words going through my head. I wasn't making any noise so I wasn't actually talking to myself, but I imagine that's the first step down the road to crazy.

* When it comes to pudding cups, Kit-Kats are far superior to metal spoons. That's probably not going to help my training, of course...

T.I.L.T. Things I've Learned Thursday XXVII

I haven't written a Things I've Learned Thursday column in a while, but that doesn't mean I haven't been learning, or at the very least that it isn't Thursday...

* Rudeness and selfishness are taught. In my favorite deli, the system is fairly simple. You walk up to the counter and the line forms behind you, leading back to the entrance. The guys behind the counter ask for the next person who isn't being helped, and as they finish each order move on to the next person. I'd placed my order and was waiting for the guy that was helping me, when a woman came in with her daughter. “Stop that, Caitlyn!” she scolded halfheartedly, as the little treasure slapped her hands against the glass case in front of me, communicating that she wanted the chocolate pudding beyond. The pair had bypassed the entire line, and now moved ahead of me. The woman kept sighing loudly and looking around impatiently, occasionally trying to discourage the kid by saying there were too many people. Indeed, the line was getting longer, but they technically weren't on it. Finally, she got the attention of one of the guys rushing about behind the counter. “I'm helping someone else right now,” he said, but she was insistent. “I just need a cup of that!” The deli guy sighed and asked how much. She didn't know, so he held up empty cups until he hit a portion she wanted. The child got her pudding, and the mom got waited on before everyone else in line, interrupting the making of someone else's sandwich. It's a nice lesson for the little one who will grow up the same way if not worse.

* Six ice cream sandwiches before bedtime is a bad idea, for a plethora of reasons I won't go into here.

* Approach every stop sign in wealthy neighborhoods as though the police are right around the corner. Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't actually there. On my way to work Wednesday, they were arbitrarily stopping people, I guess to check inspections or something. They waved me on ahead when I started to roll down my window, and my breathing went back to normal.

* I use so many key commands in my Photoshop work that I tend to keep all my tool palettes hidden so I have the full use of my monitor. At work I have two mirrored monitors, so I can keep all the tools on one screen and dedicate the other to my artwork. The downside of working blind is missing something crucial, and a similarity in key shortcuts and a simple typo led me to merge all the layers of a document without realizing it after I'd done a bunch of work and opened my layers palette, to find only one layer. I guess what I learned is to check the state of any given project more often, or that I need a second monitor at home.

* Comic books, like soap operas, have certain tried and true methods of maintaining a status quo, so that any major change in a classic character will always regress to the basic state that everyone has been familiar with. That's why I'm sure that the six part Archie Marries Veronica story won't end with the couple wed, even if it is set in the future. If it doesn't turn out to be a tale of what might be and actually is the fate that awaits him, he could always ask Mephisto to get him out of it.

* A Buffy movie without Joss Whedon is more than likely a bad idea, but it's failure will still leave the television series intact, and potentially it can make the Kristy Swanson version look a whole lot better.

* 1(x) + 2(x) will always = 3(x).

* If the treadmill in my gym is clearly on but none of the buttons are working, check to see if someone hit the “stop” button too hard and jammed it. Also, when the televisions don't work on the cardio machines in the second row, trace the cord three machines down the line to the point where people always trip over it and yank it out of the outlet. Follow these instructions and you'll do fine when you're at my gym. And while you're there, the best way to recognize me is by my--what? Oh, I'm sorry; we're out of time. Maybe we'll continue this next time, unless I learn better things to share....

T.I.L.T. Things I've Learned Thursday XXVI

I'm the type of guy that learns from his experience, who knows the exact outcome of any past situation based on precedent and then, frustratingly, exhibits the exact same behavior that yielded unfavorable results in the past. I think that's not far off from the definition of insanity, and though I may not be qualified to share my knowledge, here are some Things I've Learned Thursday anyway:

* I used to hate reruns and clip shows when I was younger. Now I welcome even one unexpected hour of freedom to watch movies or do some writing. It's like finding a pocket of time. As most of my favorite shows are a month or less away from Summer hiatus, I'm at the point in the year where I anticipate putting a dent in my to-do and to-watch lists, at least for a few months before I get bored all over again.

* When I read that Charlie Hunnam was auditioning for the role of Thor, I had no idea who that was. I've never seen Sons of Anarchy. But then I read he was an alumnus of Undeclared, and totally remembered who he was. That was the short-lived(thanks FOX) but awesome Judd Apatow college comedy that introduced us to the likes of Seth Rogen and Jay Baruchel, who have gone on to theatrical careers. Rogen, one of the supporting characters in Undeclared, is carving out a nice comedic leading man niche for himself and is reportedly getting in shape to play The Green Hornet alongside martial arts comedic genius Stephen Chow. Baruchel, who was more or less the main protagonist in Undeclared, has become the go-to geek for Hollywood, although he does a decent job playing a jerky loser ex-boyfriend in Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist. With Michael Cera in the lead doing that thing he does, there wouldn't have been room for another geek anyway. I hope more of the Undeclared stars catch breaks like this, especially Monica Keena. She was hot; what happened to her?

* Sometimes, just sometimes, I go off on tangents from my original thought. Sometimes.

* You can lead a horse to water, especially if it's thirsty.

* I am not The Pumpkin King.

* Benjamin Linus reading to children would surely traumatize them for life.

* After two years of being relentlessly hounded for blood after my company's annual blood drive, I finally learned to leave my phone number off the application. I put my e-mail address so that, in a dire emergency, they can still reach me for my apparently-miraculous-blood-that-must-make-everyone-feel-great-except-me. But for the most part, it's easier to ignore an e-mail than that telemarketing style phone call I'd get around 4:30 in the afternoon at work, that telltale pause after answering before a live operator, realizing she'd reached a living person, gets on the line and begins reading a script. I can't say I've really had a bad experience with it, and this year I didn't even have a bruise and finished filling a bag in record time. The nurse told me men's veins were different than women's, since I arrived after a female coworker but finished before her. Bleeding was already something of an ability of mine to begin with. In any case, it's just more convenient to donate when they hold a drive in my office. It's easier to walk down the hall to the dining area where they have tables set up than to drive to some random location or hospital. And psychologically, I tend to make a bigger deal about it until the actual needle is in my arm and I remember that, at least with a good nurse, it doesn't hurt. I even looked this time, something I haven't done since the first time I donated way back in high school. I was done so fast, I wanted to make sure they didn't “cheat” because it was close to the end of the day, but sure enough there was a thick bag of red stuff next to my arm; a pint is no joke.

* If random letters in a paragraph arbitrarily disappear, you may have a font conflict, either too many active overall or too many variants of a specific font with similar names. Deactivating a whole family then activating only the ones you need may resolve the problem, although better font management applications may avoid it altogether. In my experience within companies, central server-based systems were superior to managing fonts on every individual work station.

* 25 is just another number, like XXV or Twenty-Five.

* A bullet format allows one to string together a series of random thoughts, each of which would be insufficient for a post alone, even if they don't all fit a particular theme. Of course, I'd never be guilty of anything like that....

T.I.L.T. Things I've Learned Thursday XXV

You know what I've learned? I've learned a lot of valuable, important lessons in my life, most of which I've forgotten. And then there are the Things I've Learned Thursday:

* I am not a garbage disposal for junk food. The older I get, even with regular exercise, my tolerance levels still decrease.

* If at first you don't succeed, move on. This will free up an amazing amount of time.

* I was super-excited when my accountant reminded me that I bought a car last year and could deduct the sales tax. I thought for the first time in years I might actually be getting money back. Despite my large purchase, as well as putting an additional $5K into an IRA for 2008, I owed even more money this year. I'm starting to believe in “change”...

* Speaking of my car, those things have to be inspected once a year which, having a mechanic for a father, I never remember on my own. Since his shoulder infection and the discovery that his left rotator cuff is gone, I've been handling the maintenance on my car, and did the last two oil changes, with him directing. Had he not asked me whether we'd inspected the car yet during a commercial break while watching television on Wednesday night, I might not have gone outside to check the sticker and discover that it's due for inspection before the end of this month. It should have clicked when my accountant reminded me about the car that it's been a year now. I need to start remembering important things like that without someone else reminding me.

* Like van Gogh, I probably won't be appreciated within my lifetime, but subsequent generations might stumble upon my likeness and/or words and get me. Unlike van Gogh, I plan to keep both ears.

* When dealing with business e-mails, never respond in anger and, if you feel the tone of an e-mail you received seems antagonistic, it might be a good idea to pick up the phone and speak to the person directly. Professionals don't pepper e-mails with emoticons, and we might sometimes take the written word the wrong way. A co-worker recently shared an experience in which she felt like an e-mail was directed at her in a scolding tone, and she immediately replied to everyone on the thread with a sarcastic remark and defensive attitude. “I had to write back and cc everyone to defend myself!” she insisted while I thought, “Are you 12?”. Rather than say that, I translated my thoughts into more diplomatic and hopefully helpful advice. If anything, e-mail correspondence should allow for more time for someone to “count to 10” and think of the best response.

* Geese are surprisingly casual about speeding cars, while drivers are often too confident that the creatures will move out of the way, or simply don't care if they hit them. As I rounded a bend on my morning commute one day this week, a goose stepped off the curb near a pond and began waddling out into the road. I slowed down and veered around him, noting the car in my review mirror continue at the same speed and same course, nearly hitting the thing. The goose stumbled back on one foot an inch from the car's right front wheel, flailing both wings out to their full expanse to balance itself, which would have been a lot less comedic if I saw the bird get crushed. What's wrong with geese? What's wrong with people? Can't we all just get along?

* We all can't get along.

T.I.L.T. Things I've Learned Thursday XXIV

It's Thursday, and I have some things to share that I've learned. Useful? Interesting? Time-passing? You decide. This is Things I've Learned Thursday:

* I was very sad to learn of the passing of actor Andy Hallett at the too-young age of 33. Hallett is best known to fans for portraying the demon Lorne on the television series Angel. I didn't care for the character at first, a weird owner of an underground nightclub in which he “read” people's auras while they sang karaoke. The character eventually grew on me with each subsequent appearance, so I was glad when he became a series regular. I think back on his “Goodnight folks” line in the final episode of the show and it has new, bittersweet weight. Apparently, shortly after Angel's cancellation, Hallett developed a heart condition, cardiomyopathy, as the result of a tooth infection of all things. The talented singer and actor made no further appearances before the camera, dealing with this illness for the past five years before finally succumbing a few days ago. I can't get over the fact that he was younger than me; it might have been the demon makeup or, as the friend who first broke the news to me suggested, the fact that we sometimes assume famous people are older than us while forgetting we ourselves are getting older. In any event, he will be missed.

* I am not the target audience for any of these spoof movies with the word “movie” in the title. There were two or three parts in Date Movie that were laugh-out-loud hilarious, but for the most part there was either gross out humor or satire that wasn't satire at all, but frame by frame recreations of scenes from Ben Stiller movies with the actors substituted. Why, Alyson Hannigan, why? You're better than this. Hell, even Eddie Griffen was better than this. I wasted an hour and a half of my Tuesday night. Meet the Spartans, which I watched on Wednesday night, was marginally better once I got past the first few disgusting scenes and into actual parody. That one didn't have “movie” in the title, but it's still totally part of that genre of cheap, fast spoofs produced while the movies they're poking fun at are still in theaters. I've got Disaster Movie lined up next and I'm afraid that it will literally live up to its title. I liked the first Scary Movie, which I saw in theaters, and the fourth movie in that series actually had some clever conceits in tying together the films it lampooned. Epic Movie and Superhero Movie more specifically took aim at my favorite genres, and the latter actually had a semblance of a real plot, not that plot is the point of these movies. I wonder if this style of comedy has just gotten more lowbrow or if I'm actually maturing a little bit. Somehow, these “films” just don't compare to the likes of Airplane! or The Naked Gun.

* People don't always click my links, and miss important clues.

* It's possible to keep working while people talk to you, albeit at a slower and less efficient pace. I've always been in the bad habit of leaning back and giving visitors my full attention, and most of the time it doesn't have much impact on my work, save for the occasional lingerer who doesn't pick up natural cues that a conversation has ended. We're in a busy season at work, and this has been a particularly busy week, with back to back meetings and priority projects for some of the executives. I actually gave the multitasking thing a try, and did get some stuff done while half-listening to visitors. I didn't get as much done as I would have working uninterrupted, but I got more done than if I had stopped working completely. The older I get, the slower I get, so I need to find new ways to accomplish everything I need to accomplish within my allotted timeframes.

* A Stairmaster is deceptively easy. It doesn't seem like you're exerting all that much energy, certainly not as much as if you were running. But after a few minutes, your feet feel heavier with each step and by the time sweat is pouring from your forehead, you're absolutely mystified to be in such a state without moving all that quickly. Just don't overdo it if you've missed a few days at the gym. I was surprised after my last session to notice bruise marks below each knee, as though blood vessels had popped in there. You can't “catch up” when it comes to exercise.

* Evangeline Lilly looks damn good in bell-bottom jeans. Oh, and a bunch of other stuff happened on the latest episode of Lost, something with time paradoxes and kids and an island or something, but mostly it was about those jeans.

T.I.L.T. Things I've Learned Thursday XXIII

I am all about acronyms. That's what you've learned, if you haven't already. Here are some Things I've Learned Thursday:

* I used to think the worst movie Cameron Diaz was in was The Sweetest Thing, until I saw Head Above Water this week, a pointless black comedy that changes focus and tone in an attempt to be twisty, only to end up an uneven mess.

* By the way, the term ”Black comedy” refers to a film dealing with events of a serious nature, contrasted with a subtle humorous undertone. It does not refer to films such as Barbershop, Friday, or House Party 2, comedies with a predominantly African American cast.

* When the weather forecast calls for 1-3 inches of snow in most areas, with a slight chance of 3-6 inches in some areas, the latter areas are my driveway.

* If the door to your office building is locked at 9 AM after a snowstorm and the parking lot is full, pull harder. It may just be frozen and you'll save the time and steps needed to walk around to the next entrance.

* David Lee Roth was asking if you've ”seen junior's grades” and not his ”grits”, no matter what your ears might have told you.

* Had I gone to New Jersey to see Metallica, I might have seen Lars get hit in the head by a black beach ball that fell prematurely from the rafters. It's fun to laugh at Lars; he's like the MCF of the group, but with no artistic talent.

* I was surprised when a woman at work asked me if the gas station up the road would carry wiper fluid and be able to install it for her. Not everyone's father was a mechanic like mine, and I take things for granted. Some people may go through life without ever popping their own hood.

* I have a theory that cardiovascular exercise may reduce the impact of the common cold. Rather than skip the gym as I've been under the weather this week, I've pushed through. Perhaps, just as my father told me to “floor it” and clean out the carbon in my car's engine, by increasing my blood flow I can increase the speed of white blood cells to battle germs. This is more of a thing I'm in the process of learning, but based on precedent I've gone an entire year without getting sick when I was running most regularly. I haven't collapsed yet, between the gym and intense snow shoveling, so I'm sure I'm going to be just fi

T.I.L.T. Things I've Learned Thursday XXII

From time to time I learn things and, for the sake of an acronym, I share these “facts” in a little feature I like to call Things I've Learned Thursday:

* The best time to do your Christmas shopping seems to be late on a Wednesday night. I took my time leaving work, hit the gym for an hour, and got to the mall around 7 PM. The place wasn't empty, but it was no more crowded than it is during a normal time of year.

* Online shopping of course trumps physically driving to and walking through a store, but I often don't know what I want to get a person until I see it on a shelf and think he or she could use whatever I've spotted. When I have something specific in mind that can't be easily located in a store, the internet is great. My dad wanted to buy my mom Heidi, while she was hoping to get him Sands of Iwo Jima. Oddly enough, neither was to be found on the shelves of a Target, but when I got home it took me less than 10 minutes to locate and order both from Best Buy, with a guarantee that I'll have both movies delivered by or before Christmas. I'm just glad I bought them a DVD player last year; they both told me they were looking for “tapes”. I don't even know how to begin to explain that there's something called Blu-Ray that will soon make DVD as obsolete as VHS. At least the players are backwards compatible for now.

* Boys are easier to shop for than girls, especially as they get older. I asked my mom what my cousin's kids would like. The 7-year-old boy is into Transformers, while the 9-year-old girl is into basketball and violin. Those who know me will understand why it was especially easy to shop for the boy, since I liked Transformers when I was a kid and, let's be honest, for the last 25 years. I almost got him the best gift ever, when I spotted a 25th anniversary reissue of the original Optimus Prime toy from 1984, complete with a DVD of the original animated series and a reprint of issue #1 of the Marvel comic. Even though I own the entire series on DVD, and the original #1 issue, I never had the original figure, only the later plastic Powermaster version of the character. It went into my wagon without question, as I decided to live vicariously through this kid. As I passed one of the store's convenient price scanners, I decided to check how much this great item was. $69.99 was slightly more than I wanted to spend, and I ended up getting him two smaller robots that were $10 apiece. At his age, he wouldn't appreciate the historical significance of the reissued mold anyway. He'd probably want to take it out of the box and actually play with the thing.

As for the girl, I figured I'd just find some doll in a basketball uniform or with a violin. I was sadly mistaken and spent nearly an hour uncomfortably walking through aisles of girls' toys while parents nervously called for their children to stay close. I couldn't believe there were entire aisles dedicated to Hannah Montana and High School Musical 3. If she's into the violin, I wasn't sure the blatant marketing of microphones or guitars that only played songs promoting those franchises would have appealed to her. Some of the HSM3 dolls were labeled as “School Spirit” versions of the characters, wearing cutoff t-shirts and sweatpants with their school logo. They had plenty of sluts, but no basketball players or violinists. Another aisle promoted a third franchise I'd never heard of, but something about the unnaturally bright-eyed teens on the boxes of these Camp Rock items told me I'd hate it as much as the other two. Was it too much to expect that I'd find a sporty Barbie? Ultimately, I ended up getting her an actual small pink basketball, a reversible headband offering a black or pink side, and so there'd be some fun toy, little figurines of a cat and a bird. I spent two hours shopping for just my parents and these kids, but at least one hour was spent shopping for the girl because I didn't know what I was doing. It's possible she would have liked some of the things that repulsed me, but I couldn't put myself in that mindset. It's so much easier to buy toys that I would have (or still) liked.

* I have no idea why I didn't know this, but John Walsh, host of America's Most Wanted, does what he does because his little boy was murdered back in 1981! This comes up now because, after all these years, they have finally named his killer. It doesn't bring Walsh's son back, and the killer died of liver failure in a prison cell over a decade ago, but hopefully it brings the family some closure. Most importantly, Walsh has channeled his grief and anger into something positive, and has probably saved a lot of lives with the criminals his show helps catch.

* There's a time to wait for other people to handle their responsibilities, and a time to take care of things oneself in order to make deadlines. The trick is recognizing when action and initiative are required and justified. If you act to soon, you may train others to relax and let you pick up the slack. If you wait too long, you may find yourself scrambling to catch up and thinking about all the time you wasted when you had downtime while you were waiting. Hypothetically speaking, of course....

* The pizza man isn't a waiter, lady. If you sit down and wait to be served, he's just going to put it on a tray next to the register and give me my slices, because I stayed on line and waited there with my money.

* I think drink tickets for office holiday parties are actually a good idea. Some people grumble that we only get two drinks, but it ensures that people will be safe driving home. More importantly, it minimizes people getting drunk and doing embarrassing dances, or worse. My old company had the best holiday parties of any place I ever worked, and they had completely open bars. Some people went too far, and years later we still share the stories and reminisce. It's one thing to get drunk and act stupid with your friends, but quite another to do so in front of your bosses and other people you have a professional relationship with. It makes for some awkward Friday mornings the day after the party.

* As for me, even when I'm out with my friends I try to pace myself and not have more than two or three beers, since at some point I'll need to drive my car home from a train station. More importantly, there have been occasions in my wilder years in which stronger stuff like vodka has led me to literally play in traffic, and divulge my most closely-guarded secrets. Even pacing myself, my judgment might be softened, if not impaired. The last time I had two beers, I thought it was a fine idea at 11 PM to help a friend who'd had a bit more than two beers call Rey, on vacation with his family at the time, and ask him a random and obscure question about Star Trek: The Next Generation. I think the ultimate lesson in all of this is that, of all the people who should drink in moderation or not at all, geeks really need to be careful. We all think we're going to have this moment of “cool” like the kid in Can't Hardly Wait who sings Paradise City at the party, but in real life alcohol just enhances our geekiness, even or especially if we normally conceal it.

T.I.L.T. Things I've Learned Thursday XXI

And now the story of a contemplative blogger, and the things he's learned, which he shares on a Thursday. It's Things I've Learned Thursday:

* It's never good to knee-jerk react. A woman listening to a commercial for the Opie and Anthony show heard something she thought was offensive to the gay community, and fired off an angry letter to their bosses. Each day, the advertising department at KRock will take a snippet from the morning's show and play it to pique listener's interest, to get them to tune in. And so, what the woman heard was out of context, and she did no further research. The guys had referenced, unbeknownst to her, an actual event in which people would “call in gay”, skipping work in a unified protest. They posited a hypothetical situation in which a dude legitimately calls in sick, having the bad timing of being out on this day, only to be “out” as a result when he came in the next day. The woman called in, and after having this all explained to her quite rationally, could not apologize for jumping the gun and writing the letter, blaming the station for taking a clip out of context so she thought they were encouraging people to mock gays around the water cooler. She remained skeptical until they directed her to a web site that backed their story, and even then remained stubborn. She admitted that she never listened to their show which she was judging as offensive based on one spot, but that she used to listen to Howard Stern who never offended her because he was “funny”. Finally they gave up and tried to direct her to an infamous shocking animated gif, but unfortunately she couldn't get the page to load because everyone else who was listening probably tried to hit the same address. It's definitely important to do research and understand something before you complain about it, or you'll be on some shaky ground down the road.

* Don't answer your work phone after 4:30. It's probably the blood bank asking for your super healing blood. Again.

* You can work out and watch what you eat, and after a few months you'll look and feel slightly better. You can miss going to the gym for merely two weeks, and regress to a Willendorf Venus with hair. I've only been back to the gym for two days, and I'm realizing it will take months to repair the damage done by those two weeks away.

* You should have gone before we left. Don't make me turn this blog around!

* When a dad asks you to hang some lights the next time you get an intermission, he means as soon as possible. One clue includes the rattle of said lights against glass as the arthritic old man with a medical vacuum attached to an open shoulder wound struggles to do it himself two minutes after asking, despite the fact that it is not yet intermission and you're struggling to hear the complex dialogue of Pushing Daisies. Your best bet is to just get up and hang the lights yourself, since you'll miss far less show.

* When it seems like everyone in your office has the flu, particularly a stomach flu, be extra vigilant in washing your hands and handling objects they've handled. Even if you're just getting over a cold yourself, why risk a new and nastier infection? I was about to borrow a camera from a friend who'd been sick when he stopped, got out a disinfectant wipe, and cleaned the buttons. That was good looking out.

* $2.03 a gallon is currently a great price for gasoline. In 1997 on my way home from Boston, I filled up for 99 CENTS. Those good old days are gone.

* Life gives you lemons.

* Battlestar Galactica starts webisodes next week that lead in to the final episodes of the series.

* Always finish what you

T.I.L.T. Things I've Learned Thursday XX

Things I've Learned Thursday is back after a long absence, not because anyone really demanded it but because I felt like doing another one.

* The main problem with Chinese Democracy is that it's too much Rose, and not enough Guns. There are two or three tracks that actually rock, and one or two slower ballads I also like, but overall it's a mess of different sounds and styles from to track to track to the point that the thing doesn't hold together as an album. I also suspect Axl had leftover rights to dialogue from Cool Hand Luke...

* A Fibonacci sequence is any sequence of numbers in which each integer is the sum of the two preceding numbers in the sequence, e.g.: 0,1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55....

* “e.g”, or exempli gratia translates from Latin to “for the sake of example”, though people often erroneously use “i.e” or ”id est”(“that is”) instead. I've certainly been guilty of this.

* I haven't been very happy with the news that Pushing Daisies would not be renewed, and that the 13th episode of the 2nd season of this brilliant show would end on a cliffhanger that would not be resolved. Since every episode lately has ended with some huge development, I keep fearing that we've reached 13 already. I finally brought myself to check, and as of today there are five new episodes remaining. According to the show's creator, should this indeed be the end, he would look to resolve the story in either a comic book or a film. Hopefully one of these options goes through and our closure isn't like that of Traveler, in which the creator of that canceled series ended up writing a “this is what WOULD have happened...” blog post.

* Doubling up on vitamins, drinking excessive amounts of grapefruit juice, skipping the gym, and going to bed by midnight helped me knock out a sore throat in a record one day. My cold has settled in my lungs and my muscles, but I can function with some aches and the occasional cough. A sore throat is the one cold symptom I can't bear, and the only thing that really incapacitates me completely is fever and delirium.

* Tylenol is awesome. I can't believe I was reluctant for so many years. I think it's a big part of the reason my sore throat wasn't as crippling and my other cold symptoms seemed less severe. I had the chewable stuff when I was a young child of course, but by high school decided I'd take no painkillers, as I feared addiction and thought seeking relief for pain made me weak. I was an idiot.

* Patrick Swayze is still alive, despite negative prognoses and tabloid rumors about his pancreatic cancer, which he's been putting up a good fight against.

* I'm not a kid anymore, although I almost consistently forget that chronological fact and think of myself as one. “You know, you are 34...” pointed out my mom the other day when I told her I wouldn't have more luck than she would talking with my father's shoulder doctor because I thought “they wouldn't listen to a kid.” She told me she was nearly 30 herself before she realized she was an adult. “You can do anything you want...” she said, then, being a mom and noting my expression, added “...within reason.”

T.I.L.T. Things I've Learned Thursday XIX

Things I've Learned Thursday falls on Thursday for the sake of an acronym as much as anything else, but really every day brings us lessons, big or small, if we just stop to see them.

* The new KITT also has a submarine mode, at this point qualifying him as a quadruple changer. I'm waiting for the episode where they flat out reveal him to be empathic, the technological equivalent of a Peter Petrelli.

* Speaking of Heroes, the commercials for next week's episode have taught me to avoid commercials if I don't want the plot spoiled and spelled out for me. Oh TV, not all of us have short attention spans.

* Did you know that a missile five seconds away from impact with a nuclear facility will actually slow down long enough for people inside a car with an artificial intelligence to figure out how to deflect it, and that the countdown will resume where it left off prior to the dialogue in which they arrive at such a solution? Did you know that a show can be so bad that I watch it even more, to see if it can get worse?

* On the good show front, Chi McBride just rocks. I started to learn this years ago during his stint on The John Larroquette Show, learned it in full during Boston Public, and am now reminded each week by Pushing Daisies.

* I watch so much television that I might never leave the house if I had more than 7 channels, give or take UHF.

* Without firm deadlines, some people will never, ever make a decision. Even then, some people will adjust deadlines as needed to make more changes.

* As a pedestrian, I take dangerous pleasure in forcing people to make full stops at stop signs. I don't make eye contact, but I can feel the glare. One day I'll probably feel a bumper because the driver is on a cell phone.

* If you make a habit of giving people your full attention when they talk to you, they may make a habit of stealing your time even when your attention is clearly divided by the work on your monitor.

* As hard is it is for single people to connect, I've now been hearing radio commercials for Ashley Madison, which is apparently a dating service for people who are already married or in a relationship and want to cheat. This world is seriously screwed up.

* ”Water cleanses, you know. Washes dirt away; makes new.”

T.I.L.T. Things I've Learned Thursday XVIII

Have there really been 18 Things I've Learned Thursday editions? I wonder if it's reaching the point of fatigue yet. I suppose when it does, that will be another thing I learn.

* You may recall my Mantis friend from my car's taillight and yesterday's Photo Blog Wednesday. It disappeared so quickly, I felt I had to research, and learned that they do have wings. I've never seen one fly, but then they usually freeze in place and remain very still when they detect an observer. Another scary practice that may or may not be the result of observation is something called Sexual cannibalism, in which the female bites off the head of the male after mating, and occasionally during. I've never been so glad to be a human being in my life.

* I learned that the CW is planning a new series entitled “Grayson”, which chronicles the life of a young Dick Grayson before he became Robin, in the tradition of Smallville. I expect major plot points to include near misses with frayed ropes, and the obligatory “circus freak of the week” formula for antagonists.

* Always think before sending out an e-mail. Years ago, my first instinct was to respond immediately to every question and request. I've learned to wait a bit in case more information surfaces, or my supervisor or other members of my team would respond differently. The appropriate amount of time varies in each situation, but if you answer within five minutes with a gut response, the risk of stepping on toes or creating the false appearance of having too much free time increases.

* Taco Bell's hot sauce enhances the cheese dip they serve with their nachos, and mixing the two before dipping is simply amazing.

* Realizing I needed to stop referring to him as ”Darryl” whenever I see him in roles outside The Office, I finally looked up his real name: Craig Robinson. Hopefully I'll remember that.

* If you spot a police car partially concealed on the side of the road, or approach known hiding places, never step on your brakes. If you need to reduce your speed, do so in the more subtle fashion of easing off the gas pedal in anticipation of an encounter.

* My blood type is O+, which makes me a Universal Donor, because people of all blood types are compatible to receive transfusions of my blood. For years I'd always forget what my type was, but this year I finally got a Blood Donor card. I think last year I didn't get one because I just showed up on the day and didn't register for the drive ahead of time. As O+, while I can donate to anyone I can only receive transfusions from another person with type O. A person with AB blood is a Universal Recipient, as he or she can receive A, B, AB, or O blood; it's all good. A can receive A or O, and B can receive B or O. As I've always suspected, my greatest strength is my greatest weakness.

T.I.L.T. Things I've Learned Thursday XVII

Hopefully, these Things I've Learned Thursday make about as much sense as usual, as I'm currently fighting a bit of a head cold, as was foretold in elven prophecy. I'm sure we won't notice any adverse infects:

* When the season changes from Summer to Fall, dress accordingly at night. Just because it's shorts weather when you go to bed doesn't mean you won't wake up shivering around 3 AM.

* For whatever reason, iPhoto up until recently lacked the basic ability to selectively pull pictures from a camera's memory card. It had an option to ignore duplicate images, but if you only wanted to grab a specific one or two that was impossible. Around version 6 there was a hidden workaround, whereby hitting “return” or “enter” twice brought up an edit menu and you could drag images out by their file names. My company is currently running version 5 or so, so that tip didn't help me when I borrowed a friend's camera and had to wait for an 138MB video to download before I got to the shot I took. Apparently the selective download feature was added by the 7th version of the software, but it's a mystery to me why it wasn't there sooner.

* Don't leave water bottles sitting around for too long. If you are in the habit of doing so, it's a good idea to look in the bottle before taking a drink in case mold is floating in there. If you put a fresh water bottle down amid a bunch of old ones and get confused, hopefully there will be some condensation to tip you off as to which is the most recent bottle. In the grand scheme of things, it's really best to not fall so far behind in clearing out your recyclable containers.

* Who knew that the singer in the Real Men of Genius ads was original Survivor lead vocalist David Bickler? Sean did.

* Lunch is very important, both mentally and physically. Even if I'm swamped, I'd rather work late than miss even a short break in the middle of the day.

* The bigger the pride, the further the fall.

* You can lose brain cells watching the new Knight Rider. How do you hide a code in your DNA? What's the point of faking your death if you only change your last name and have no plastic surgery whatsoever? How does a car morph into a pickup truck? On the other hand, it has a transforming car and a hot chick, so after one episode this brainless entertainment hasn't lost me yet. I'd probably ask fewer questions if I was still 10, if history is any indication.

* “One more...” is always a lie. You might tell yourself you're only going to do one more thing at work, or play one more game before you go to bed, or eat one more potato chip before putting the bag away, but “One more...” is often an infinite loop. I could list one more thing I learned, or I could stop right now...