Excuse me while I get a bit meta for a moment, with a strange piece of self-referential commentary on the regular features we've seen here over the past six years. Some did better than others, but there will always be a few that stood out for me as a blogger and a reader. In case anybody ever wondered for some inconceivable reason, these were My Five favorite features:
5) My Fives: So of course #5 in my fives is My Fives. It started with Five Bill Murray movies, and over the course of 45 posts covered music, movies, television, beer, candy, video games, and in more than one instance comic books. I tend to ramble on about the things I love, and this format helped me break those things into bite-sized portions that were hopefully a little easier for my readers to digest.
4) Blogroll Villains: Here's the one inclusion that took me by surprise, but looking through these, I'm remembering how much fun I had. Basically I took what I knew about my fellow bloggers, their likes, personality, and rough physical traits, and used HeroMachine to transform them into super-villains. There was a fun interactive aspect to these posts too, as people tried to guess who was who. I had actually done something similar a year prior with heroes, but the villains were definitely more fun. And if that wasn't enough to sate my subconscious frustration at never working in the comic book industry, a few months after the villains I turned my graphic design skills to designing comic book logos for my blogroll(many of whom actually put them on their blogs; including The Bayer Family and Swanshadow, who still have theirs up as of this writing). I miss the good old days of having that much free time....
3) Phantasmic Links: On 2.6.05, Phantasmic Links were born, in a much rougher state than they are today. Inspired by the weekly links my friend Curt would post at his blog, it was basically an excuse to do an “easy” post on a Sunday night when my brain was shot. At a whopping 292 posts, it was my longest running feature, and wasn't always so easy. Sometimes I had a lot to say about my weekend, whether there was some major family event, holiday, or music story to share. Other times all I could manage was a “Wow the weekend went fast; here's some links” style short introductory paragraph. As for the links themselves, since I'd spend time reading each article and watching each video, they sometimes took hours longer than a regular prose post. And the worst would be the games, which I had to beat before posting. Anyone who clicked all or most of the links really had insight into what surfing the net was like for MCF.
2) PBW: Photo Blog Wednesday: While I never reached the level of photography as friends like B13, it was definitely a fun hobby that gave me an excuse to turn off the computer and get out of my room on weekends. It started as with a few shots from a cheap digital camera, and by the time I reach 287 posts, it will be rivaled only by my P-Links. Over time, with practice, I got better, and by the time I went to my first NYComicCon, I realized I might need a better camera. I got one just in time for my friend Rey's Star Wars®-themed going-away party, and the transition to better equipment was great to see. Over the last five years I feel like I've explored every inch of Long Island, and a few inches of Manhattan, New Jersey, and Pennsylvania. I've definitely revisited places, sometimes finding new sights and compositions. It's one hobby that I might grow tired of sometimes, but hopefully not one I'd ever give up completely.
1) Blog Party: Sometimes, when a person moves to a new neighborhood, he or she might throw a little shindig to socialize and meet the neighbors. When I'd been doing this for a few months, I came up with a pretty good virtual equivalent, and my first party was a success! I didn't know about “carnivals” yet, or that bloggers were already gathering together to write about one topic from various perspectives. I just asked everyone for their top five(hey, five!) villains and the rest is history. Of course as the host, I found a way to bend the rules and write about 25 characters, though I did have a definitive top five among those. Other bloggers hosted parties over the years, while I hosted 8 of my own, and all total I had 30 posts in this category. After a while though, a person settles in to a neighborhood, and parties and socializing dwindles. Things become routine and familiar, but the memories of those early parties are eternal.
I'm probably one of about five people excited by this teaser which strongly implies the return of Thunderstrike, a Marvel hero from the ‘90s who was based off of the mighty Thor. For a time, architect Eric Masterson was bonded with the god of thunder by Odin, in order to save his life. The two could switch forms, and during a time when Thor was banished, Eric was in control of both bodies. When Thor returned, Eric had proven himself as a hero, and so Odin granted him a new weapon, a mace with the inscription “The World Still Needs Heroes”. By striking an enchanted walking stick on the ground, Eric could turn it into the mace and himself into Thunderstrike. Created by Tom DeFalco and Ron Frenz, Thunderstrike went on to have adventures in 24 issues of his own comic, as well as appearing in the Avengers. Readers knew he'd reach an untimely end someday, as Eric once glimpsed it himself during a time travel story, but no one expected it would be so soon. Other legacy characters based off of original ones have had successful runs, including Beta Ray Bill(an alien with Thor's powers) and War Machine(armed with gray Iron Man armor with military weapon enhancements).
At some point after I stopped collecting comics, Eric's son Kevin apparently took up the mace in an alternate future. The teaser image with a silhouette resembling Kevin seems to strongly imply that he's about to become Thunderstrike in the mainstream Marvel continuity, kind of a Captain Marvel scenario in which a young boy can switch to the body of an adult hero. This has me thinking about the various artifacts of the Marvel Universe, and My Five favorite Marvel weapons:
5) Mjolnir: As much as I liked the Thunderstrike spin on the character, I still have to respect its roots. The Masterson saga was really an homage to Marvel's original take on Thor, in which Odin decided to teach him humility by banishing him to Earth in the form of a lame doctor by the name of Don Blake. Blake, fascinated by Norse mythology due to repressed memories seeping to the surface, eventually found a walking stick in a cave while vacationing in Norway. Upon striking the stick on the ground, it transformed to its true form as the enchanted hammer Mjolnir, while Blake regained his true form and memories as Thor. The hammer can summon storms, is nigh indestructible, and can only be wielded by a worthy few other than Thor himself. When he throws it, it will always return to his hand. It also allows him to fly in a pretty innovative way, which Stan Lee himself can explain better than I can.
4) Captain America's shield: Captain America's trademark weapon is of course an indestructible red, white, and blue shield made of a vibration-absorbing Vibranium alloy. Though Cap carried a gun in his early appearances, and the current Cap does so as well, through most of his appearances his shield is all he needs. While a defensive item might seem too passive for a superhero, it is important to note that Cap uses it offensively as well, tossing it at his foes and timing the ricochets so he can retrieve it. And maybe, just maybe, I put it on this list because I used to run around my yard as a little boy doing the same thing with a beat-up garbage can lid, singing the theme from the ‘60s cartoon: “When Captain America throws his mighty shieeeeeld....”
3) Silver Surfer's cosmic surfboard: The metal which coats his skin allows him to survive in the vacuum of space and subsist on cosmic energy, but his mode of travel is pretty nifty(and perhaps influenced by the ‘60s in which the character was created). Made of a similar material to his own metal skin, the board obeys his mental commands, carries him through space or planetary atmospheres, and is indestructible. I see a pattern forming along with Cap's shield and Thor's hammer, with indestructible weapons that always return to their user. Mostly it would be pretty cool to fly around on a surfboard that I couldn't fall off of and which would come back to me if we were separated.
2) Quantum Bands: Quasar's weapons mark him as Protector of the Universe, and come with advantages and disadvantages. They can harness energy, teleport him through a Quantum zone, create shields and constructs limited only by his imagination, and allow him to fly. But they can never be removed so long as he is alive, and require someone with great patience and balance of character less the energy overload and destroy the wearer, a fate suffered by previous wearers of the one-of-a-kind artifacts. Fortunately, they can bend light so he can hide them while in his civilian identity. And to my knowledge, only once early in his career as Protector did a villain try to remove them by cutting off his arms. The bands still couldn't be removed, at least until he expired and the arms fell out. But he got better, because...well let's just say “comics”, so I don't end up writing another five paragraphs about this, and move on.
1) The Infinity Gauntlet: Soul. Time. Space. Reality. Mind. Power. Six gems of immense cosmic power each control one of those aspects. Separately, they were quite powerful, but when the mad Titan Thanos gathered them all and fused them to his own gauntlet, he gained godlike powers and found that the gems were greater than their sum, allowing him to simply will half the universe from existence, and build a floating temple in space in honor of Death, whom he loved. Did I mention he was a little mad? The Infinity Gauntlet series was one of the great crossover events from my collecting years, memorable as it took place in the Summer spanning my transition from high school to college, where I met other like-minded fans. It was an epic tale in which the good guys were clearly out of their league facing impossible odds, yet somehow triumphed. I don't know if the Infinity Gauntlet seen at this year's San Diego ComicCon will factor in to any of the upcoming live action movies, but I'm pretty excited by the possibility. If I went back and told the me of 20 years ago about it, his head would explode. But I won't, because of paradoxes and whatnot. Also, I don't have a Time Gem.
What Marvel weapon would you wield? Think you could handle a suit of Iron Man armor? Crazy and self-destructive enough to unleash the power of the Ultimate Nullifier? Maybe you'd like a Cosmic Cube to grant your wishes? The weapons of Marvel are as vast and diverse as its heroes and villains, and I've certainly only scratched the surface here....
I could never be a superhero, for many reasons. I certainly don't have any powers, and outside of running on a treadmill I'm not all that athletic. I definitely can't fight. And in the real world, things like costumes aren't practical. Even if ever did break from reality and attempt it, I'd be influenced by the comic books I read in high school and college, particularly Marvel books, and trying to utter some corny catch phrase would increase my odds of getting killed. That which does not work in the real world, makes for an entertaining read, and thanks to Stan Lee, and the writers who followed his lead, there's no shortage of these lines. Here are My Five favorite Marvel catch phrases:
5) “Oh My Stars and Garters!”--Beast Back in my collecting days, I never knew the origins of this one, and sometimes wondered why he didn't say “Stars and Stripes”. And I can't recall if Kelsey Grammer used it in X3 because I've blocked large portions of that movie from my memory to protect my brain. Whatever it means, it's a reminder that this blue and furry mutant might look like an animal, but he's way smarter than you or I.
4) “I'm the best there is at what I do.”--Wolverine What he does isn't nice, and isn't pretty, but what sounds like boasting is a simple statement of fact, bub. ‘nuff said.
3) “Hulk SMASH!”--Hulk It's so simple, so descriptive, and so eloquent in it's simplicity. You might not like him when he's angry if you're on the receiving end of the smashing, otherwise it's great to see the big green guy get right to the point and smash his way through any obstacle or antagonist. It's wish fulfillment, for some of us.
2) “It's CLOBBERIN' time!”--The Thing If I got super-strength and near-invulnerability tomorrow, this is the phrase I'm most likely to adopt. (For some reason, I think “FLAME ON!”, the battle cry of The Thing's teammate Human Torch might get me beat up in real life....)
1) “AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!”--Captain America(and other Avengers) Geek-out anticipation: when this rallying cry is finally shouted in a live-action movie, I am going to go nuts.
We are living in some strange times. Snow and cold weather persist well into April. Weather fluctuates through what used to be Spring, then one day it's suddenly hot and humid, when there aren't flash thunderstorms. Then steam rises from the pavement. And Earthquakes seem to be increasing in frequency and location. Haiti. The Philippines. Canada even had one on Wednesday, and shockwaves reached as far as New York and New Jersey. Now, in our relative youth as humans in comparison to the planet Earth itself, this could all be normal, all part of the usual cycle, or foreboding of the end. And if the last, hopefully far-fetched conclusion turns out to be true, we only have fictional scenarios to turn to for guidance. My Five fictional destroyed planets might not offer much in the way of advice, of course, but they offer plenty in the way of entertainment:
5) Lithone: Cause of Destruction: The answer is...Unicron, a giant machine that drifted through the galaxy consuming planets in his path and converting them to energy. We first meet him in The Transformers: The Movie, and Lithone falls in the opening scene. From the Ashes: All but two Lithonians might have been destroyed, but these sentient robots were just there to set the stage for the stakes The Transformers themselves would face when Unicron reached their home planet Cybertron. Those two survivors didn't last too long before meeting another unfortunate fate, but at least one lived long enough to pass along some information to our protagonists, at the very least the name and nature of the fiend they'd be facing.
4) Zenn-La: Cause of Destruction: Initially, it was spared by the world-devouring Galactus, in exchange for one of its residents becoming the Silver Surfer, who would become his herald and find other planets for him to eat. When the Surfer eventually betrayed his master and sided with humans to spare the Earth, Galactus banished him there and returned to feed off of Zenn-La, though he allowed survivors to escape. From the Ashes: Zenn-La was stripped of energy but not completely destroyed, and its people eventually returned to rebuild. It was destroyed a few more times since then, but I haven't followed the comics that closely in years. Here's a video of the Surfer's origin:
3) Alderaan: Cause of Destruction:Grand Moff Tarkin was a jerk. Princess Leia told him the location of the Rebel base when faced with Alderaan's destruction, and Tarkin still gave the word to fire, mostly because he wanted to demonstrate the power of The Death Star, and Alderaan was right there. From the Ashes: When you're trying to crush a rebellion, a dastardly deed of such magnitude as blowing up a planet will either break your enemies, or unite them against you with renewed desperation and vigor. If they weren't planning to already, the Rebels were even more determined to blow up the Death Star and, with intel Leia gathered on a certain weak spot, they had the means to do so.
2) Thundera: Cause of Destruction: When the dying planet is consumed by volcanic eruptions and explodes, only a small fleet of ships carry survivors away, before nearly every ship is destroyed by mutants from a rival planet. From the Ashes: One group of nobles do survive the mutant attack, and settle on a planet known as Third Earth to rebuild their society led by a new Lord of the Thundercats, the young Lion-O, who ages from a young cub to a full-grown Thundercat on their journey from Thundera to Third Earth due to a malfunction in his suspension capsule. Armed with the mystic Sword of Omens, source of the Thundercats' power, he goes on to defend his people against old enemies and new ones on their new planet, notably Mumm-Ra, an evil immortal mummy wizard. Eventually, a New Thundera is created, and the Thundercats have a new place to rebuild their ancestral home.
1) Krypton: Cause of Destruction: Like Thundera, Krypton had run its course, although versions of the story range from underground nuclear reactions to war and damage to the environment leading to its inevitable doom. In every version, the end result is the same, and the Kryptonians perish as their world explodes..... From the Ashes: ....but the one thing all versions of the story also have in common are two parents placing their infant son into a rocket ship and sending him to Earth. Here, his alien physiology acts as a solar battery and our yellow sun, unlike the red sun which Krypton orbited, infuses him with great powers far beyond that of mortal man. I wonder whatever happened to that guy....
Saw what you will about television, but it has a way of teaching us things when we don't even realize it. I can think of a dozen spots that are permanently burned into my brain, sometimes just phrases taken out of context. Maybe we've learned things, and maybe we've just become repositories of useless pop culture. I'm sure most people around the same age share these same memories, but only you can tell me if you share in My Five most memorable television public service messages:
5) “Say ‘NO!' Then go! And tell someone you trust!”
4) “When my get-up-and-go has got up and went, I hanker for a hunk o' cheese!”
3) “To stay out of hot water, keep those pot handles toined IN!”
(For some reason, I can't find the Tweety Bird commercial from this series, about adding cold water to a tub first then adding hot water to warm it up. That one's more memorable, but more elusive; wish I could find it.....)
2) “This is your brain on drugs. Any questions?”
1) “Who taught you how to do this stuff?” “YOU, all right? I learned it by watching YOU!” “Parents, who use drugs, have children, who use drugs.”
The ‘80s were a great time for those of us who spent the bulk of our childhood in that decade. Many of us never left, not completely, which may be why we're bombarded with so many remakes, likely made by folks from our own generation trying to cash in on a little nostalgia. Knight Rider, V, The Karate Kid, The A-Team, and A Nightmare on Elm Street are all remakes of 80s TV shows or movies, some better than others. And of course a few days ago, I linked to an article about a Thundercats remake. That's not the first ‘80s cartoon to get a sequel or a new spin, and may in fact be the only major one that hadn't made a comeback. While almost all ‘80s cartoons were thinly disguised half hour commercials for action figures, they were still awesome shows with awesome accompanying toys. And among those that have resurfaced in the last 20 years in various forms, some more than once, a few were actually good. Here are My Five picks for the best sequels or remakes of ‘80s cartoons:
1) Show: Beast Wars (1996) Based on: Transformers (1984) I was a huge Transformers fan in the ‘80s, but was always disappointed with the way it ended. Only 3 episodes of the fourth season aired before it was canceled, and the preceding season wasn't as good as the first two, with a lot of animation flubs and weak storylines. Apparently a full fourth season was animated and aired only in Japan, but I only learned of this a few years ago and have only seen a few clips. So when the first new Transformers show in over a decade was announced, I was excited, especially when I found out it would be entirely computer generated. Due to the costs and constraints of doing a digitally animated show at the time, there was a much smaller cast. These were all new characters too, descendants of the originals, who were much smaller and changed from robots to animals. It aired at odd hours, usually early on Sunday mornings, and I didn't really get into it until the second season. By then, they tied it cleverly in to the original series with a few great twists involving the world the two warring factions were stranded on. I ended up catching up on the episodes I missed, and in hindsight I realize now that Beast Wars was LOST for Transformers fans. There were strange monuments, and evidence of other aliens, and the plot was heavily seeded with clues that all led to some pretty amazing twists. And since it was retooled and aimed at older fans, there were actual character arcs and a few deaths. Most importantly, Beast Wars told a complete story, and had one of the best series finales of any television show, animated or otherwise. It's a shame that a follow-up series, Beast Machines, kind of ruined the franchise, marring about 3 or 4 of my favorite characters in the process. Beast Wars ended so perfectly, that it set the bar very high for any continuation by other writers. Still, it proved that there was still interest in the Transformers franchise, opening the door for new animated series and toys, and eventually a live-action movie based on the ‘80s show, something I only dreamed about in elementary school.
2) Show: TMNT (2003) Based on: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987) I was one of those out-of-the-loop kids who only knew the Turtles from the goofy animated series, and didn't find out until high school that it was based on a much darker black & white comic book series. Still, the cartoon had a good run, and made the franchise and its creators successful. In 2003, a new series debuted, one with some echoes of the original series, but a lot more faithful to the comics. Gone were some of the unrealistic antagonists. The Turtles no longer wore initialed belt buckles so you could tell each of the four brothers apart. And they were actual ninjas, sticking to shadows rather than casually walking around in broad daylight and hanging around pizza parlors. On the surface, they still had the same basic character traits, only exaggerated: Leonardo was the focused leader, always focused on training to perfection; Donatello was the brains of the group, solving problems through technology though more realistically than with the made-up gizmos his 80s counterpart used; Raphael was the brooding loner, clashing with Leo and often taking off on his own when he needed to cool off; and Michelangelo was the least serious of the group, now more of a comic book geek than a pizza-eating surfer dude. The show proved it wouldn't pull any punches when one of our heroes beheaded a major villain, and this later led to a clever spin on something from the original series, while tying in to some comic book continuity. Characters would die or get injured, and this would carry through from episode to episode. It wasn't unusual to see an arm in a cast for a few episodes after one of the Turtles got hurt. For at least a season, Leo was walking around with a chip missing from his shell, after a battle in which they all almost died. It wasn't until Fast Forward, the sixth season, that they strayed from their darker roots and tried to make it “kid-friendly”, sending the Turtles in to the future for 26 episodes. In doing so, they skipped Ninja Tribunal, the fifth season, which was produced but not aired until much later as a “lost season” and eventually released on DVD. Season 7 brought them Back to the Sewer and their proper time, and the show reached its ultimate conclusion with the epic Turtles Forever, in which both the 1987 and 2003 series were revealed to be alternate universes within a multiverse of Turtles, that included every incarnation in every form of media. It was a pretty bold concept, and showcased the different ways these characters have been portrayed, while underscoring the improvements that were made in the latest version.
3) Show: He-Man and the Masters of the Universe (2002) Based on: He-Man and the Masters of the Universe (1983) Honestly, and this may be blasphemous to some of my friends, the original show didn't stand the test of time. When I was 9-years-old, I learned all about morality and good and evil from this series, and loved the toys. But when I watched it again on DVD a few years ago, I found some of the dialogue and plot to be a little simplistic, even formulaic. Often, the same animation of a character running or throwing a punch would be reused, sometimes with a different background cel slotted in. I've made it through most other ‘80s shows that came out on DVD, but I think I stopped buying this one after the second boxed set that was released. I'll always have fond memories of it; I just can't watch it as an adult. The 2002 remake, of which I've only seen the first 13 episodes, also has simple, kid-friendly dialogue. But the animation was superb, and the character redesigns are amazing. More importantly, the origins of both the good and evil Masters are fleshed out, and there are some great and obvious connections that were never shown in the original series, perhaps only implied or hinted at in accompanying comics. It still has a basic good guys on one side, bad guys on the other, battle until the bad guys retreat formula, but they do mix things up. And considering things best forgotten like 1990s New Adventures of He-Man which involved time travel and a new supporting cast much like TMNT: Fast Forward, or the live-action Masters of the Universe with Dolph Lundgren, the 2002 show is easily the best of the bunch.
4) Show: Justice League/Justice League Unlimited (2001) Based on: Challenge of the SuperFriends (1978) I'm cheating a little bit on this one on two counts. While Superfriends continued well into the ‘80s, Challenge begins two years before that decade. And the original Superfriends debuted in 1973, one year before I was born. More importantly, beyond date semantics, Justice League isn't a direct remake so much as a show with most of the same heroes and villains because it draws from the same comic book source material. But Justice League, which became Unlimited in the third season when the cast radically expanded to include nearly every hero from the DC Universe, paid a lot of homage to that particular version of the Superfriends, not only with their own updated and deadly serious version of the Legion of Doom, but also with the Ultimen, a group of characters inspired by those who were original creations in the Superfriends, including The Wonder Twins. Making the Wonder Twins look cool takes genuine talent. JLU's significant use of Darkseid in key episodes, including the phenomenal series finale, also gives it something in common with 1984's SuperFriends: The Legendary Super Powers Show, and further justifies its inclusion in this list.
5) Show: G.I. Joe: Resolute (2009) Based on: G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero (1985) G.I. Joe is often paired with Transformers, since they aired back to back, were both produced and animated by Sunbow, and shared many of the same voice actors and music cues. What worked well in one show didn't work as well in another, and while G.I. Joe was entertaining, their archenemies in Cobra often came up with some truly absurd plans for world domination, ranging from weather manipulation to heavy metal bands to giant plants. The Marvel Comics series written by Vietnam veteran Larry Hama, was a different story. His first-hand knowledge of the military allowed him to take a more realistic approach to things, while preserving the diverse uniforms and colorful characters. As with any war, there were casualties, although fatalities were limited to supporting characters and original creations for the first hundred issues or so, before actual Joes started seeing their demise. In the show, both sides fought with color-coded lasers, no one ever got shot, and pilots were always shown parachuting to safety after ejecting from an exploding aircraft. In his 155-issue run, Hama had a perfect blend of humor and tragedy, and even when tasked with working in ridiculous characters who wore bird costumes or Hawaiian shirts, he found a way to make it all work within the universe he was crafting. I always wondered what a more “Hama-esque” cartoon would be like, and the 1990 follow-up to the Sunbow cartoon went in the opposite direction. Bad animation and more garishly dressed, cartoony figures are not what G.I. Joe was about. Valor vs. Venom, a 2004 computer animated DVD was a little closer to the mark, while 2005's Sigma Six took a more animé approach and focused on a smaller unit. From what I've seen of Sigma Six, it was similar to the extreme designs of the 2002 He-Man. It wasn't until last year's Resolute, which aired as a series of webisodes, that they finally captured the essence of the Hama series. It didn't hurt that they got another legendary writer, Warren Ellis, and gave him carte blanche. No longer limited by the constraints of children's programming, or having a line of action figures to promote, he could do whatever he wanted with these characters. At least two major ones die in the first episode, setting a tone of real tension and peril. The animation was very sharp, too. I'd love to see it become a full series, but would even settle for a sequel set of webisodes.
Enough of me rambling on about cartoons; what are your favorite sequel series or updates?
Have you ever stopped to consider the lyrics to a song, perhaps a song you've listened to or even sang along with for years, only to realize the stark contradiction between the upbeat nature of the tune, and the words that are actually being sung? Artists juxtapose such contrasting elements all the time, for probably as long as music itself existed. Here are My Five favorite songs whose lyrics convey a different feeling than their accompanying melodies:
1) Cat's in the Cradle, Harry Chapin: I can't tell you how many years of my life I listened to this chipper song, with its nursery rhyme references and crescendos, only to eventually realize how utterly sad it is. A father puts off spending time with his son because work and other things keep getting in the way. When he eventually does find the time, the kid is in college and taking off with his car, and finally settling down with a family and work responsibilities of his own. Too late, the singer realizes, “my boy was just like me.”
2) Used to Love Her, Guns N' Roses: Back when Axl Rose was, you know, good, he sang this clever farewell to his dog. It sounds very happy if you don't listen to the lyrics, and very psychotic when you latch on to the chorus of “I used to love her; but I had to kill her.” Of course, the singer didn't murder his ex-girlfriend and bury her in his backyard, but there are very few clues that he's actually referring to a canine. Even bits like “She bitched so much; she drove me nuts” can be considered brilliantly ambiguous.
3) She Hates Me, Puddle of Mud: This song ROCKS, and is probably the brightest rock song you'll hear about a dude lamenting being utterly despised by a lady. For some reason this one has always spoken to me on many levels.
4) Alive, Pearl Jam: “I'M STILL ALIVE!!” belts Eddie Vedder at the top of his lungs, which seems like a good thing. But upon closer inspection, one finds a semi-autobiographical account of Vedder learning from his mother that the man who raised him was his stepfather, and his real father had died when he was 13 years old. Still, does the chorus mean that he overcomes this revelation, and even a fictional instance of incest in the lyrics, that he's embracing life? “'Is something wrong?' she said. ‘Well of course there is; you're still alive,' she said.” The vocalist considers then whether he deserves to be alive, and suddenly the chorus doesn't seem so rosy.
5) Ring Around the Rosie, Traditional English Nursery Rhyme: If you believe the assertion that this children's ditty has its origins in the bubonic plague, then lyrics like “ashes, ashes, we all fall down” take on a much darker meaning.
I'm looking forward to the Summer, to having more time to catch up on my movies and maybe put some more time in the gym as I prepare for a race in early August. This is a week of season and series finales. Summer is also a good time to catch up on shows I didn't get to watch during the regular season, as well as quite a few shows that play during the Summer normally. Here are My Five shows I'll be watching this Summer:
1) Psych: I've been catching up on this show over the last few months, and I'm a little more than halfway through the fourth season. It's episodic enough that it's probably not necessary to see every episode in order, but there are some references and subplots that run through the standalone tales, so I would like to catch up before season five premieres on July 21st.
2) Spartacus: Blood and Sand: While I've been careful to avoid Psych spoilers, I've been less fortunate with the first season of Spartacus, having only caught about 5 or 6 out of 13 episodes. I made it very clear at a barbecue this past weekend that I didn't want to know what happened in the finale, but the punch-drunk kickboxer talking to my friend kept talking, and by the time he mentioned the death of a main character, I shouted “COME ON!”, forgetting for a moment that he was a seven-foot kickboxer. So I let it slide. But I really need to see those other 7 episodes soon...
3) True Blood: The Southern drama about a psychic waitress, her vampire boyfriend, and all the other vampires, shapeshifters, maenads, and other weird creatures in their world returns on June 13. I'm all caught up on the first two seasons, so I'm ready for the latest in this quirky and steamy dramedy based on a series of novels.
4) Eureka: A generally fun and lighthearted series about a sheriff of normal intelligence policing a small town full of super geniuses, Eureka took a few dark and gamechanging turns over the course of season 3. July 9th marks the start of the fourth season, and I'm looking forward to see how they'll keep it fun and fresh, and hoping we haven't seen the last of a few of the characters who said goodbye in different ways last year.
5) Happy Town: Alas, Happy Town, I barely knew ye. It took three episodes for this gothic tale about a small town once plagued by mysterious disappearances to hit its stride, and precisely three episodes for it to get canceled. The remaining episodes are supposed to be burned off over the Summer, and I just hope enough was filmed to solve some of the larger mysteries. Amy Acker can't catch a break with series, and she was one of many cast members I always enjoy watching, along with Abraham “Kubiak” Benrubi, Steven “Wings” Weber, and freaking Sam Neill. How do you have Sam Neill on a television show and pull it? Perhaps the show's (possibly) unseen “Magic Man” claimed the show as another one of his victims....
I've almost caught up with the rest of the world on Psych, now roughly halfway through the fourth season. It's a fun show in which James Roday portrays Shawn Spencer, a slacker who poses as a psychic but in reality uses his eidetic memory and finely honed observational skills to solve cases for the local police department. Spencer almost always comes through, though constantly sports an immature, clowning facade in stark contrast to his best friend since childhood and partner in solving crimes, Dulé Hill'sBurton “Gus” Guster. They have a great classic comedy dynamic, the jester and the straight man, though over the years Shawn has matured a little and Gus has loosened up. Because the two grew up in the ‘80s, often showcased with flashbacks to their childhood in which Shawn's police officer father(Corbin Bernsen) trained him, they make a lot of jokes and pop culture references from that era. Of course, the show is creating its own pop culture as well, and there are definitely lines that have been repeated to the point of trademark running jokes. These are My Five favorite Psych catch phrases:
1) ”You must be out of your damn mind; it's a company car!” Shawn may make his primary living as a private detective, but for Gus it's a side job. His main gig is as a pharmaceutical salesman. Sometimes his work knowledge helps with cases; other times his cases interfere with his work. At one point, his side job nearly cost him his main one until Shawn intervened with his boss. But the one thing that has remained constant, is that the blue hatchback he drives does not belong to him. Many times Shawn needs it for chases or other dangerous aspects of a case, which causes Gus to utter this phrase of protest. In the latest episode I saw, an injured Shawn was about to jump from the back of a pickup truck on to Gus' car, prompting the line. Another variation of this is when Shawn uses or wants to use Gus' cell phone, which also belongs to his company.
2) ”I'm Shawn Spencer, and this is my associate __________.” Consistently, whenever the duo show up to interview various people, Shawn without hesitation will come up with any name other than “Gus”(The one time he used Gus' actual name, Gus called him on it). Check Gus' Wikipedia page for a list of aliases such as Shutterfly Simmons, Scrooge Jones, Trapezius Milkington, Pinky Guscatero, and many, many more.
3) ”You know that's right.” It's Gus' cool way of agreeing with something, though Shawn has borrowed it once or twice. It's so much better than a simple “yeah”, that I really need to figure out how to work it into my own daily life. “Are you going to that meeting?” “You know that's right.” “Is it lunch time?” “You know that's right.” And so on.
4) ”Gus, don't be ___________.” Because Gus is often the devil's advocate or voice of reason, Shawn feels it necessary to have just as many expressions for who Gus is when he's being contrary as he does aliases. He's been cautioned against being “a myopic chihuahua”, “a traveling wilberry”, “this crevice in my arm”, and many more.
5) ”Really? I've heard it both ways.” This is probably my favorite of the bunch. Shawn will say a phrase or name incorrectly, possibly intentionally, and when someone(usually Gus) corrects him, this is his defense. He's done it so much, that Gus is often uttering “No you have not!” before Shawn even finishes his sentence. On one occasion, both #4 and #5 on this list were masterfully combined:
“Gus, please. Don't be Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Marzipan."
After watching the preceding videos in which Tim Gunn critiqued various superheroes' wardrobe choices, it got me thinking about My Five favorite comic book costumes:
5) Quasar: Greg Capullo'sredesign of the original costume had to be his greatest contribution to the character. He stayed within the same iconic palette of red and blue with a touch of yellow, but modernized it by integrating the cape more into the torso and logo. More importantly, he underscored the cosmic nature of the character by making the outside of the cape blue and the inside a freaking starscape. I bet the artists who had to draw the character later loved that...
4) Supergirl: I realize the costume is somewhat derivative of her cousin's. The “S” shield is the same, most of the time against a blue top. The red cape is a little shorter, but again not a big departure. So other than the obvious, what separates this blonde beauty from the man of steel? It's the miniskirt; definitely the skirt.
3) Magneto: The X-Men's most formidable adversary has the regal, imposing costume every good villain should have. It's evolved over the years, and I personally think Jim Lee had the best rendition of the suit, but the basic elements are almost always the same, a mix of metal and fabric in dark crimson and purple hues with a billowing cape emerging from a metal torso piece. Most important of all is the helmet, which has function as well as form, protecting the master of magnetism from various telepaths among our heroes. For a time in the ‘80s, Magneto went without the helmet and sported a giant “M” on his chest, but that just looked ridiculous. Sometimes, you just don't mess with an original.
2) Batman: In it's purest form, this is a costume truly designed to strike fear into the hearts of criminals, a “cowardly and superstitious lot”. The cape and cowl are sometimes black and sometimes dark blue, but that single piece element of the costume is what fully evokes the sense of a giant bat emerging from the shadows. I personally prefer the dark black bat emblem on the chest to the hokier one in a yellow oval, even though some writers have used the explanation that he's wearing a bullet-proof vest under there and wants them to aim for the yellow rather than his head. And of course, the infamous utility belt with pouches and compartments conceal weapons and devices for any eventuality. I had considered listing the sleeker, futuristic Batman Beyond, which replaced the cape with glider wings, added a full face mask, and went all-black with a more modern red emblem on the chest. It's a great redesign, but I think it would have been heresy to ignore the original.
1) Spider-Man: He's had a few costume changes over the years, as noted in one of those videos I posted, but the original is definitely a masterful design that's seen many interpretations by many artists. There's something so graphic about Steve Ditko's design. Discounting the webshooters concealed under the gloves and the rarely seen belt with his logo on a light, it's usually depicted as a seamless costume. The mask, shirt, pants, boots, and gloves are all separate pieces of course, but the continuous pattern of the red webbed sections over the blue are what tie it all together. He may have a spider emblem on his chest, but the whole costume is one big logo. The red, white, and blue manage to be patriotic without being overtly so, and with his face fully concealed behind big, white lenses, he's one of the more mysterious heroes. It's a timeless look that he always seems to return to, and even subtle changes like moving the webshooters to the outside or slightly changing the pattern were fleeting. A good original is hard to improve upon.
Well, those are my favorites; what are yours? Perhaps more importantly, and something I may consider in the future, who do you think has the worst costumes?
Every since Rey and the geek friends discussed modern heroes, I've been thinking about which characters have been created in the last 25 years. I suppose the comic geek in me will never fully die, and so it's fairly easy to set my mind down this road. For the most part, both the heroes and villains got darker which, as Rey astutely pointed out, mirrored the changes in society itself. Pop culture is a reflection of reality, though sometimes that can be a chicken and egg relationship. In any case, inspiration often comes from the things I need to get out of my brain, hence My Five favorite comic book characters created in the modern age:
1) Apocalypse: I suspect this villain may have initially been created for the logical play on words of his henchmen being named after the four biblical horsemen, but he definitely developed into a formidable villain in his own right. First appearing in the pages of X-Factor in 1986, this shapeshifting metallic mutant's initial greatest claim to fame was taking a wingless Angel and granting him new metal wings that hurled blade “feathers” laced with a neuro-toxin. Angel's teammates believed him dead until Apocalypse unveiled him as his horseman Death. Later, he rejoined the team as Archangel, and would probably have a place on this list were he not an updated version of a character created in 1963. Apocalypse was responsible for giving Cyclops' son a technorganic virus for which there was no cure in the present, forcing him to send the child far into the future where he would grow up to become the mutant mercenary Cable, another popular modern age character that might be on my list if I called this “My Sixes”. And, as if X-Men stories weren't convoluted enough, Apocalypse was later the chief villain in the Age of Apocalypse saga, a tale about an alternate timeline created after history is altered by the murder of Charles Xavier in the past. Apocalypse, later revealed to be the world's oldest mutant, born in Egypt 5,000 years ago, remains a formidable enemy of the mutant heroes, as though they didn't have enough to worry about between Magneto and a world that hates and fears them.
2) Speedball: As dark as the ‘90s were, there were still a few lighthearted heroes out there. Enter Robbie Baldwin in 1988, a kid whose power was bouncing--how absurd! I have to admit that I didn't initially care for the character when he first appeared. His hair always sticking up to a point due to the kinetic spheres that surrounded him, he kind of looked like an ice cream cone. Comic book newbie that I was, I didn't appreciate the art of Steve Ditko in his solo series. It wasn't until he became a founding member of The New Warriors that Robbie got interesting. He wasn't this happy-go-lucky kid anymore, instead portrayed more as a real teenager with real problems. His parents were fighting, and eventually separated. His joking facade covered his problems, much like Spider-Man. And his powers started to seem formidable. Any impact could activate his kinetic field, but he gradually learned to control it instead of bouncing around like a maniac. He would do interesting things like jump in front of a train and allow the impact to trigger his powers and send him across a vast distance. When facing off against Terrax, Speedball's teammate Marvel Boy grabbed him in a telekinetic field until his kinetic bouncing spheres built up, then released them against their opponent. Taking down a herald of Galactus was a sure right of passage for any young hero, really a hero of any age. Sadly, the modern age eventually caught up with Robbie Baldwin, and I've read that after a story in which he felt guilty for surviving when hundreds of innocents including several of the New Warriors died, he adopted the codename “Penance” and started wearing a suit with spikes on the inside to cause him constant pain(and because his powers were somehow altered by the explosion that killed everyone else). Jerry pointed out that Baldwin may be returning to the Speedball persona in the near future though, which I was glad to hear. Sometimes, something good comes out of the “nothing is permanent” status quo nature of these stories that factored in my decision to stop collecting after 8 years.
3) Firestar: That's right, I'm listing another New Warrior. More importantly, Anjelica Jones' place on this list doesn't have so much to do with her comic book adventures as it does with Spider-Man and his Amazing Friends, one of my favorite Saturday morning cartoons growing up. In a rare occurrence, she was a brand new character created for the show in 1981, but would eventually join the Marvel Universe proper in 1985. So I'm counting her as a modern age comic book character. Despite her name, her powers are based in microwave radiation rather than flame, though they allow her to fly and fire concentrated bursts of heat energy. Though depicted as a lighthearted college student and superhero on the cartoon, she had a rougher time in the comics, struggling with her mutant powers and joining the Hellions, rivals to the X-Men's New Mutants. She found a more heroic fit with the New Warriors eventually, a romance with Marvel Boy, and even became an Avenger. That's not bad for a character who only existed because cartoon makers couldn't get the rights to use The Human Torch. That would have been a very different show indeed....
4) Gambit: These days, they probably come up with a new X-Man each week, but in 1990 the team was pretty tight. Remy LeBeau was a thief with a charming personality, able to woo the ladies while fighting with his bo staff. His mutant ability wasn't too shabby either, and he was able to charge any object with kinetic energy, causing it to explode. But what made the character really interesting and supported his codename was his choice of weapons: playing cards. He'd carry a few decks around in his trenchcoat and hurl an endless supply of exploding cards at his enemies. He's a man with a shady past and some questionable allegiances, but always seemed to be a hero at heart. For a high school art project in which we had to create a giant figure out of foamcore, I chose the impressive Jim Lee character design and still have the four-foot creation(shorter now since over the years the feet have snapped off). Gambit, the cajun thief, was often paired with Rogue, the untouchable Southern mutant belle. He's gone on to appear in both animation and film, and remains a popular character today.
5) Venom: One thing I loved about comics was how it was this giant sandbox of resources that artists and writers could dig around in, drawing inspiration from years of stories while bringing something new to the mix. I'll never forget Venom's first appearance in 1988, when Spider-Man's wife at the timeMary Jane came home to a darkened apartment and thought she saw her husband lurking in shadows, wearing his black costume. But it wasn't him, as we all soon learned, as he grew a fanged smile on his mask and uttered a chilling, “Honey, I'm home!” At that time in the comics, Spider-Man was also wearing a black costume, but his original black costume had been an alien symbiote he picked up during the Secret Wars. After it tried to bond with him, he though he destroyed it with church bells, since it was vulnerable to sound. Instead, it was only weakened, and found a new host in Eddie Brock, a reporter contemplating suicide after his career was ruined by Spider-Man disproving a serial killer exposé of his by catching the real killer. The costume gave Eddie all of Spider-Man's abilities while enhancing his own strength, could simulate webbing, and could share knowledge, which meant that Eddie knew Peter Parker's greatest secret. This made him one of Spidey's deadliest foes, and he remained so for years until the symbiote somehow ended up with Scorpion, one of the b-list villains in the rogues gallery. Brock is still around as a character called Anti-Venom, but I don't think I or any of my comic book collecting contemporaries will ever forget his earliest appearances.
Can you tell I was a Marvel fan back in the day? Static and Mike Mignola'sHellboy are two notable examples of independent creations from this era too, but if I'm being honest I know them mostly from a cartoon and a film series respectively. Who did I leave off this list that you would have included?
Earlier this week, I posted a link to the article, ”Five Superhero Movies That Should (But Never Will) Be Made”. It got me thinking about the books I read during my eight years as a serious collector, and which characters I'd like to see on the big screen. We're definitely living in a golden age of comic book movies, and if a major character hasn't gotten a movie yet, then his or her film is at the very least in the early stages of becoming a reality. For the most part, my wishlist has been fulfilled, and once we get that live action Avengers movie, there really won't be much left. Maybe then Hollywood will move away from comic books and graphic novels, and find some other source of inspiration. Maybe we'll subsist on sequels and reboots for a while of characters we've already seen in theaters. Or maybe, just maybe, we'll see a few longshots(though probably not Longshot). So what would be My Five unlikely comic books that I wish would be adapted into films? Let's find out:
1) Quasar: A lot of my friends never understood why I liked this character, and I think part of the reason was because he presented a rare opportunity for me to start collecting a series from issue #1. Most of the heroes I was familiar with were created decades before I was born, with issues numbering in the 100s. What if this guy caught on? What if his first issue was worth a lot of money and paid for my future kid's college tuition? Yeah, I know that's never going to happen....now. But at the time it was very exciting. And though the character had been around since the late ‘70s, he was always a guest star in other books. The late, great Mark Gruenwald took an obscure character that no one else wanted, and spun him into a pretty decent solo series in which he learned that wearing the Quantum Bands came with the daunting responsibility of being the Protector of the Universe, destined to take on some impending threat. He was a rookie in many ways, and we got to learn about his powers as he did, figuring out how these wristbands that could create anything out of energy he imagined could be used creatively. He was often over his head, which makes for the best superhero stories, and I remember one memorable issue in which he faced the Absorbing Man, who used his powers of contact replication to turn himself into a living version of the energy-gem studded Q-bands. With Green Lantern coming to the big screen next year, and The Silver Surfer appearing in the Fantastic Four sequel and hopefully his own solo film in 2012, there's certainly a market for cosmic super heroes, and CGI could make for some spectacular interpretations of the quantum constructs. Also, by his third costume revision while being drawn by an up-and-coming Greg Capullo, he got one of the coolest capes in comics, blue on the outside and freaking SPACE on the inside--I bet artists hated having to draw a starscape on fabric all the time, but Capullo always delivered. I'd love to see that for “real”, but since the comic ended after 60 issues and the character only had sporadic appearances in the pages of the Avengers and some other books before being killed off(although some of the summaries I'm reading now have him resurrected, because comics are soap opera-y like that), I doubt it will happen. Mark Gruenwald is probably the only one who liked the character as much as I did, and sadly he's no longer here to fight for him.
2) DP7: My second choice is also a Gruenwald-penned title, not from the same universe as Quasar(though they did meet in the pages of his book years later in a rare crossover). Back in the late ‘80s, Marvel tried a new imprint of titles called the New Universe, which was set in the “real” world instead of the Marvel Universe. There were almost no costumed, traditional heroes, just ordinary people who gained strange abilities after a mysterious event. DP7 in particular focused on a diverse group who seek help at a corrupt clinic, only to band together and find themselves on the run. It had a similar premise to Heroes, so I know that concept of ordinary people with extraordinary abilities can work if done properly. In many ways the book was ahead of its time, and initially utilized a real-time format since it was set in a version of “our” universe. Comic books came out once a month, so a month would pass between each issue. So a lot happened over the course of 32 issues and one annual, and these characters went through many changes. The idea of a diverse ensemble has been working well for years on the small screen thanks to shows like LOST, and I think the best comic book movies are the ones that people can take seriously, that tone down the over-saturated costumes and capes and focus on the people themselves. DP7 had some memorable and beloved characters like Antibody and Mastodon, and it'd be great to see them all come to life.
3) The Metal Men: The Metal Men are a team of robots each made from a different metal, who can change their form and retain the properties of the metal they're made of(Gold was the malleable leader, Iron was strong, Mercury was hot-headed, etc.). They've been around since the ‘60s, although my first exposure to them was in an ‘80s Superman story written and drawn by John Byrne in which they all form a gestalt robot to help the figurative Man of Steel defeat the giant menace Chemo. How could I not like a gestalt robot story? The characters are definitely throwbacks to an earlier era, and some of their adventures read like chemistry lessons as they repeated explained their specific qualities. Recently, they've had a few appearances on Batman: The Brave and the Bold, an animated series known for nostalgic visits to the Silver Age. A retro team movie might work, especially utilizing the same graphics technology that brought us The Silver Surfer or the T-1000.
4) Cloak and Dagger: They were from different worlds. He was a shy urban kid with a stutter, she a runaway from a wealthy family. They met on the streets, and were changed forever when abducted by mobsters who tested drugs on them, which released their latent mutant abilities. He became a being of living darkness, shrouded in a cloak, who had a ravenous hunger for light and life energy to feed the dark dimension within. She could throw daggers of pure light. Together they fought crime. They're a cool visual concept and definitely some of Marvel's more socially relevant characters, dealing with issues of race, drugs, and more over the course of various failed series. I've never seen Save the Last Dance, but imagine that movie with superpowered teens instead of dancing teens who rise above the societal challenges to their interracial romance. I'd be the first one in line to see that movie.
5) The Scarlet Spider: The Scarlet Spider was an identity used by Ben Reilly, a clone of the original Spider-Man. Why on Earth would I want a movie about a character from the universally decried mess that was the Clone Saga back in the ‘90s? My logic is simple; they're already rebooting the Spider-Man movies, looking for someone else to fill the tights and boots already worn by Tobey Maguire. They're going to go over the same ground again, geeky high school kid getting bitten by a radioactive spider. Essentially, doing a reboot so soon is kind of like cloning those films. It's destined to be compared to the mostly-favorable originals, and as such filmgoers will have a bias against it. If they want a Peter Parker without baggage and something new, they could try a story about his clone, out wandering America and covering new ground without any ties to the people in Parker's life. If the reboot fails, this would be a great way to get Maguire back to play a fresh version of basically the same character. Most importantly, in my humble opinion, the Scarlet Spider had one of the best ‘90s costumes, incorporating a blue hoodie with a giant spider printed across the front. It doesn't get more real than that. I'm only half-joking, but it's still never going to happen.
I had a hard time keeping this to just five, considering all the possibilities with obscure characters(such as Power Pack with Robert Rodriguez giving it the same all-ages approach as his Spy Kids movies). Who are your favorites that no one else likes? Which four-color friends would you like to see in a theater near you?
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MCF is a mild-mannered
artist from the suburbs.
His knowledge of obscure
comic book characters
is more powerful than Gladiator
of the Shi'ar Imperial Guard on
an ego-trip. Able to leap topics
in a single sentence faster than
a speeder-bike on the moon of
Endor, MCF has never written
about himself in the third person
and now dreads the day he
utters aloud the fateful phrase,
"MCF is gettin' upset!"
