Knightmare

I want to like the new Knight Rider, but two episodes in I'm struggling. It's not quite the mess that last year's Bionic Woman turned out to be, but it isn't much better. One could argue that time has skewed my memories of the original, but a few years ago I got the series on DVD and watched it again in its entirety. There was a camp element, and at times it pushed suspension of disbelief, but it had a certain quality of pure entertainment and escapism. Each week Hasselhoff flirted with the ladies, took out bad guys with a few punches, and jumped over some obligatory obstacle with KITT's Turbo Boost. There was a formula to each episode, but back then we liked formulas. Even the cheesiest elements were memorable. As Michael Knight, Hasselhoff's character had undergone plastic surgery after someone tried to kill him. Officer Michael Long was no longer, and he was remade in the image of the son of Wilton Knight, billionaire designer of KITT who, upon his deathbed, chose Michael to drive his car: “One man can make a difference.” Wilton's estranged son Garthe would eventually show up, giving Hasselhoff the opportunity to play his evil twin, naturally sporting an evil goatee. Garthe posed a threat to Michael and Kitt with his armored truck Goliath, and I think a lot of fans from my generation remember a certain head-on collision between the two that resulted in KITT's destruction. There was nothing like a pre-commercial ‘80s cliffhanger, and I may have held my breath for a few minutes before learning KITT's fate. He was of course rebuilt better than ever and ready for a rematch. And while Michael had an evil twin, so too did KITT in the form of his evil prototype KARR.

I have fond memories of that show. There was a basic good and evil simple approach to the performances, though credibility was certainly present in both the vocal stylings of WIlliam Daniels as KITT as well as Edward Mulhare's performance as Devon Miles, Michael's boss. I've seen as much Knight Rider-related material as possible since the show went off the air. I enjoyed the television movie Knight Rider 2000, which painted the year 2000 as ridiculously futuristic. Though one of my favorite colors, I didn't like the choice of red for KITT's new body. The movie felt like a set-up for a new series, which would have had a female driver played by Susan Norman and would have placed Carmen Argenziano in charge of the operation. I guess it's good that his schedule was ultimately free to play Jacob Carter on Stargate SG-1. Another decent syndicated show I enjoyed from beginning to end was the short-lived Team Knight Rider. It had an interesting ensemble of drivers, though the vehicles all lacked the heart of the original, and toward the end of its first and only season there was a cool revelation about Michael Knight's daughter that would have tied it in to the original series quite nicely.

So, it's not as though this new series has a major legacy to live up to. Where then is it going wrong?

1) Acting: Again, Justin Bruening doesn't have a major legacy to live up to. All he has to do is drive a car, throw a few punches, and flirt. But as a soap opera veteran, his acting style shows and falls flat. His co-star Deanna Russo also has some soap experience. She's the gorgeous and brilliant girl Bruening's Mike Tracer almost married but didn't(more on his “past” momentarily), and their discussions about their relationship are sometimes cringeworthy, especially when they take place during life and death scenarios. “We're being shot at!”/”How come you never called me?” is the sort of exchange we'll probably hear a lot. I won't get into the rest of the cast, as most of them are there to make jokes, contribute exposition, and generally fill time.

2) Realism: I didn't question the old show when KITT would jump over things with his Turbo Boost, or use his laser guided controls to hack into security systems. I didn't mind when he'd use his ejector seat to get Michael on to the roof of a building. Most of his feats were accomplished through conventional special effects, with stunt doubles and spare vehicles. In the original show's fourth and final season, KITT gained a Super Pursuit Mode, in which all these extra spoilers and parts would pop out, things that I personally thought made the car less aerodynamic. The film would be sped up to simulate his incredible speed, and it was reminiscent of the ‘60s Batman. The new KITT is a Transformer. Taking advantage of CGI, the new car not only has a variation of that old Super Pursuit Mode, but in a shark-jumping moment five minutes into the first episode, he shifts his parts around and morphs into a pickup truck. His passengers leap into the back, and somehow end up safely in the front seat when he reverts back to his car mode. His windshield and his hood include virtual displays that would rival a Stargate Puddle Jumper. When he Turbo Boosts, we're treated to a giant “KR” logo on his underside. Though the initials to the series, these letters actually refer to the car model, a Ford Shelby GT500KR. If nothing else the show is a car commercial. In the first episode the car demonstrated its first aid features, a glove compartment that could cauterize the wound from a severed thumb and numb the pain. In the second episode, they used a 3D object replicator to create a key. Things I accept on a science fiction show taking place in space or in the not-too-distant future are harder to accept on a show that takes place on Earth in the present.

3) Sexy: What's wrong with sexy? In the original show, there was a mostly unspoken tension between Michael and KITT's mechanic Bonnie(Patricia McPherson). While most of the girls Michael flirted with were ‘80s bar bimbos, Bonnie looked good in coveralls and grease and had a superior intellect. With the new girl and new Mike, they already hooked up in the past and their “tension” arises whenever she has to strip for some reason, either down to her underwear to avoid boiling to death in a burning moving car(don't ask), or to a bikini in order to infiltrate a pool party and steal a car with that aforementioned replicated key(again, don't ask). I think the writers looked at shows like Baywatch or Las Vegas as a model of how to work sexy into a show. It's like it was written for and by high school students.

4) Too Many Characters: In addition to Michael and Sarah(Russo), we also have Sarah's father(Bruce Davison) who built the new KITT, and that should be enough. The original series worked fine with a three character structure. Michael would be on the road and get a call from Devon, and when there was a problem with KITT or he needed maintenance, they'd go see Bonnie. They brought in Peter Parros as RCIII in the fourth season, but in the old days shows always introduced new characters toward the end when they struggled in the ratings or needed to try something new. But in addition to the three characters I mentioned already, we have at least two government liaisons, and two technicians with speaking roles, along with an entire hangar full of workers running computers and robot arms all to maintain this one vehicle. Pare it down and focus.

5) Plot: Here's my problem; as Mike Traceur, illegitimate son of Michael Knight and heir to the driver's seat, our hero has a past, part of which he can't remember. Apparently after college he joined the army and went on a bunch of classified missions so top secret that he doesn't even know what they are. Other veterans are running around with tattoos like his, and they may have all been on the same team. He has this elaborate and involved dark past, but he's younger than I am and doesn't look like he even needs to shave yet. If that's not enough, circumstances force the team to fake his death in the first episode. He's shot(with tranquilizers) at a subway station, and the news reports the demise of this army veteran. Unlike his dad, he doesn't undergo plastic surgery to look like David Hasselhoff, but he does take the name Michael Knight. He then proceeds to continue driving around the world like any other person who's still alive, and by the second episode the dead guy is already looking up another old army buddy, a bartender conveniently working near an auto theft ring they investigate. He's not going to keep his survival a secret for very long, and I don't think using a different last name is that great of a disguise.

6) Kilmer: Val Kilmer is fine as an actor, and his resume certainly includes a lot of performances I like: Real Genius, Willow, The Doors. Tombstone, The Saint and Felon, to name a few. But as the disembodied voice of the new KITT, his natural inflection is a dull, sleep inducing monotone completely devoid of the personality and charm of Daniels' KITT. The old KITT felt like a real person, someone you'd get attached to, who'd make you laugh or smile, who you'd worry about. With Kilmer's voice, it might as well be the navigation system in any standard car. The second episode did have KITT watching an old John Wayne flick to learn about human interaction, and even had him call Mike a “friend”, but he still comes across as dull and cold.

I want to like the new Knight Rider, and the second episode did feel a little bit like the old ones, including a nostalgic ‘80s “Car Drives Off Cliff and Explodes in Fireball”™ scene, but I don't think it's going to last. As of this week Pushing Daisies, a superior show in its sophomore season that has sexy ladies, plot, interesting characters, and pie plates full of charm. I'll tape one and watch the other, but I'm not going to get too attached to this new Knight Rider. It might get better, but it probably won't last.