Meme-Ology

Found over at Antick Musings:

MOUTHOLOGY
Q. What is your salad dressing of choice?
A. Russian or Ranch.

Q. What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
A. Wendy's

Q. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
A. Aren't they all sit-down restaurants? I was always partial to Sizzler, as a child, though there aren't that many around anymore. When I was dating my ex, I often took her to Pomodorino.

Q. On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant?
A. Double the tax.

Q. What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of?
A: Crackers, plain crackers. I'm sure the people who know me best are shocked that I wouldn't say Doritos or some cookie or candy bar, but just imagining two weeks of any sweet or salty snack and nothing else made me feel ill. I think crackers would be tolerable and would sustain me.

Q. What are your pizza toppings of choice?
A. Pepperoni or buffalo chicken, though I've discovered amazing ravioli slices at one of the places by my (not so) new job.

Q. What do you like to put on your toast?
A: Butter.

TECHNOLOGY
Q. What is your wallpaper on your computer?
A: I keep my background a neutral gray, an old work habit for viewing colors correctly. Honestly, I have so many programs and windows open at any given time at home or at work, I'd never see wallpaper anyway.

Q. How many televisions are in your house?
A: About six or seven, though we only use two and occasionally a third with rabbit ears that will soon be completely useless for anything other than my NES

BIOLOGY
Q. Are you right-handed or left-handed?
A. Right, though my handwriting says “foot”.

Q. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
A. Wisdom teeth, an intestinal birth defect, my appendix, an extra tooth, asphalt, and splinters.

Q. When was the last time you had a cavity?
A. 2004 or 2005. Miraculously, I've somehow only needed two fillings in my life so far, knock wood.

Q. What is the last heavy item you lifted?
A. A Power Dome EX Compact Generator. I had to lug that thing along with a mail bin with a lamp, musical carousel, and other assorted products from my office to a meeting in the photo studio in our other building the other day.

Q. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
A. A few minutes after a drunk musician stumbled into a flagpole causing it to fall and strike a glancing blow to my skull with a pointy metal eagle tip, I started to feel woozy but everyone yelled at me to stay conscious. I've passed out on other occasions, likely due to blood loss from that aforementioned intestinal problem, but the flagpole incident is the closest I've come to being rendered unconscious via impact.

BULLSH*TTOLOGY
Q. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
A. No. Not only would it give me more unneeded anxiety, but every day I spent living my life exactly the same would be torture. I'd be all, “I'm going to die next Thursday; why am I still at work?” but I'd still maintain my routine and responsibilities.

Q. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
A. Dirk Shaftington III. Or Michael Wayvid Whorenelli; it might be cool to turn that into a reality.

Q. What color do you think looks best on you?
A. Black. This will likely induce a comment/anecdote from Rey about my gray shirt(s)...

Q. Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
A. I once swallowed one of my baby teeth. I was devastated that I wasn't going to get a visit from the tooth fairy for that one, but everything worked out in the end thanks to my mom. I won't tell you what she had to go through, but God Bless that woman.

Q. Have you ever saved someone's life?
A. I wish. I often fantasize about pulling someone out of the path of a bus or train, or catching a child who has fallen from a window. I've also had this lame fantasy about deflecting bullets with my Baritone horn and knocking out a mugger in the process. I get stuck in my own head sometimes being interviewed on the eleven o'clock news for acts of heroism such as these before snapping back into the reality of being a nobody, like most everyone else.

Q. Has someone ever saved yours?
A. God, ultimately, working through others, whether it was my friend's sister that dove into a pool and pushed me out of the deep end when I nearly drowned in first grade, or the surgeon that resectioned my intestines and got rid of that pesky bleeding piece. Sometimes He's just worked through me, giving me the strength to get myself out of some particularly bad situations.

DAREOLOGY
Q. Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
A. If I could be a girl in this scenario, I'd probably do it for free, but as a guy I wouldn't do that for any amount of money. I barely understand why girls would want to kiss us.

Q. Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000?
A. I might.

Q. Would you never blog again for $50,000?
A. As long as I could express myself in some other forum or creative outlet, absolutely. I'm starting to struggle with ideas lately anyway, though I'm hoping that passes.

Q. Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
A. A more likely scenario would be someone offering me that amount to put clothes on.

Q. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
A. I might do it solely for entertainment value if it made my friends laugh.

Q. Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?
A. I don't think I would or could. I blame He-Man, because while I was still young and impressionable I was in awe when he pulled his worst enemy Skeletor up from a cliff. How lame is it that I was actually influenced by the cheesy morals in an old cartoon?

DUMBOLOGY
Q: What is in your left pocket?
A: Knives and lint. Or an old gum wrapper; my eyes aren't so good this late.

Q: Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie?
A: I enjoyed it.

Q: Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house?
A: Hardwood.(Don't say it, Jerry)

Q: Do you sit or stand in the shower?
A: Like everyone else, I stand. Odd question.

Q: Could you live with roommates?
A: What do you call those two old people in the next room? I think the real question would be whether anyone could live with me. I stay up late, sleep late, take forever in the shower, and probably smell funny.

Q: How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
A: One.

Q: Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
A: Officially, 2003 when I got my first and thus far last speeding ticket. Unofficially, driving down a dark road on Friday night I saw flashing lights in the distance in my rearview mirror. I wasn’t speeding, and the lights were a good ways back, but within seconds the cruiser soared past me in the left lane doing at least double my speed. That’s more of a scare than a run-in, though.

Q: What do you want to be when you grow up?
A: Relevant.

Q: Who is number 1 on your top 8?
A: I don't have time for that much math!

LASTOLOGY
Q: Last friend you talked to?
A: Bob.

Q: Last person who called you?
A: I don't know. I didn't recognize the number, and the person didn't leave a message.

Q: Person you hugged?
A: Probably one of my college friends a few weeks ago after a funeral.

FAVORITOLOGY
Q: Number?
A: 37.

Q: Season?
A: Spring.

CURRENTOLOGY
Q: Missing someone?
A: Sometimes yes, other times no, and sometimes I miss having someone to miss.

Q: Mood?
A: Tired.

Q: Listening to?
A: My computer's fan.

Q: Watching?
A: My life slip away.

Q: Worrying about?
A: Driving over the Verrazano to a gig on Sunday.

RANDOMOLOGY
Q: First place you went this morning?
A: Bathroom.

Q: What can you not wait to do?
A: Sleep.

Q: What's the last movie you saw?
A: Romance.

Q: Do you smile often?
A: I think so.

Q: Are you a friendly person?
A: You think so.