M.C.F.A.T. XXII: Answers

Last week I posted the TWENTY-SECOND batch of the M.C.F.A.T., or Mysterious Cloaked Figure's Astonishing Test questions. These are the brave souls who stepped up to answer:

D-Lo.

Sean.

And here are my answers:

1) What do you think will be the most popular Halloween costumes this year?
Obviously Heath Ledger's Joker is going to be huge this year, as The Crow was in 1994. I considered this option, but I'm not real big on wearing face paint even if I could get my hands on a slamming purple suit. Certainly this year will see its share of geeks in cardboard Iron Man suits as well, and I suppose a more respectable option would be to grow a goatee, get a tuxedo, and go as his alter-ego Tony Stark. Sean mentioned Sarah Palin, and reminded me that this is an election year. With an election hot on the heels of Halloween, I expect to not only see some Palins, but maybe the presidential candidates and even the departing president and vice-president out there as well. The kids will probably be out there dressed as characters from cable cartoons I've never seen, as usual. As for me, I usually steer away from what's popular in a given year and come up with something unexpected, yet appropriate...

2) Do you recall the first time you received an e-mail, and what it was?
I remember this lab in college, really low-tech computers that were completely text-only. I'm talking glowing green letters and no graphics. I wasted most of my time in there playing text-based role playing games that consisted of typing in words like “EAST”, “WEST”, “SEARCH”, or “INVENTORY”. Strong Bad's “Thy Dungeonman” did an excellent job capturing the feel of those old games. One of my friends was “talking” with friends out of state, and she showed me how this “electronic mail” worked. I remember long addresses and not fully understanding it, and since I didn't know anyone with a computer I didn't have much use for it. But a friend from high school who was out of state at another college also had computer access, and at some point sent me my first forwarded bit of mail, a top ten list making fun of our old high school that was circulating among the alumni.

I didn't get my own computer with internet access until the Fall of 1999. I actually still have that computer, which I just turned on to launch Netscape and check my old e-mail, which I never deleted. There's quite a few e-mails from my ex-girlfriend, something of a mixed signal considering she had dumped me eight months prior, but then guys always have trouble with the fact that girls are actually sincere when they say they still want to be friends. It's probably best I don't start reading those now, though. The oldest e-mail in that inbox dated 10/29/99 is from my old friend Rey, and reads as follows:

”Figure Man, THIS REALLY WORKS!!

Get PAID to surf the web!

The way it works is this: Advertisers pay to advertise on your computer. So you download the ad bar, which goes on the bottom 1/16th of your computer (very small) and leave it on while you surf the web. The advertisers are paying you to advertise on their computer. IT'S AWESOME! and you get money for it. And for referrals. So enjoy enjoy, enjoy!
http://www.alladvantage.com/go.asp?refid=FNX-207”

I of course substituted “Figure” for my real last name. It's funny that my first personal e-mail reads as spam, a message I would have deleted had it come from anyone other than a friend. I don't remember if that link he sent me worked. It either wasn't compatible with my operating system or took too long to download on my old sad dial-up connection. By November, I was actively sending links and peppering my messages with emoticons, and quickly embraced a new digital realm I've never left.

3) What would be your ideal life after retirement?
It would definitely involve a hammock, a beer, a lot of movies, and either a lake or ocean nearby. It would be nice to get back to fine art as well, and concentrate on painting and drawing. I certainly wouldn't want to give up my music either. A lot of the guys in the bands I play with are retired, and I was talking to some of them on Saturday about the secrets of longevity. They all agree that staying active is key, that the people who look forward to sitting in a chair and doing nothing are the ones that decline more rapidly. One of the guys who's in his 60s told me about his mother, who's still going strong at 95, sharp as a tack, fluent in her letter-writing, and enjoying life in Arizona. During the week my mom also told me that my uncle, her oldest brother, is spending an entire month in Florida. A widower in his 80s, he's more than earned it. I guess when all the deadlines and meetings go away, it will be nice to finally travel, and I'll probably have an impressive list of places to visit in 30 years or so.

4) Who are your three favorite recurring commercial characters?
A) Kool Aid Man: To this day I love that freaky sentient pitcher of red liquid and his inappropriate but timely property damage as he smashes through walls. Is it weird that I own all the comics that were based on the character? “OH YEAH!”
B) The Burger King: He's a seriously creepy dude running around in a face mask with a single, disturbing and unchanging smile like V. I remember some of the earlier incarnations of this character, and this may be the most awesome reinvention of a mascot ever. Terrifying AND hilarious.
C) Time for Timer: Technically a P.S.A. character more than a commercial, his spots still ran during intermissions of my Saturday morning cartoons, so I'm allowing his inclusion here. Now it you'll excuse me, I suddenly hanker for a hunk of cheese...

SPECIAL BONUS QUESTION: Who made Blake black and why?
No one remembered that classic Mork and Mindy episode in which Mork teaches some bigots a lesson in diversity by altering their DNA: