Cavemen Bad

As a critic, I tend to be very forgiving. I'll keep an open mind, and try to find redeeming qualities in bad things. I've often approached a film or a television show with such low expectations, that I walk away thinking, “that wasn't so bad.”

Then I watched the premiere of Cavemen.

I doubt any of us were expecting much from the series. The Geico ads that inspired the show were great, but can a thirty-second spot translate to 22 minutes of laughter? Of course not. There's a reason why other beloved commercial icons never leapt to sitcoms. Could anyone take a half hour of the Noid? Fred the Baker? Or Kool-Aid Man? Actually, I personally could watch a show about Kool-Aid Man...OH, YEAAHH!

Morbid curiosity led me to tune in. Masochism perhaps let me force myself to sit through the half hour. I honestly don't know who the show is aimed at. With little explanation, primitive man exists throughout history alongside homo sapiens. The few that remain have become trendy preppy types playing racquetball and ordering effeminate beverages at upscale bars while whining about their relationship woes. Is it aimed at successful white people? Part of their woes revolve around being accepted in society and dealing with prejudice. One caveman thinks they should only date their own kind. Another is self-conscious about dating a homo sapien, and while he's afraid to tell his friends, he also wonders if she's ashamed to tell her friends she's dating a caveman. So is it aimed at minorities? I honestly couldn't tell.

At the core of the few sitcoms that do work these days, there's a clear theme, protagonists with goals and challenges. Earl Hickey is on a quest to make up for all the bad things he's done. John Dorian juggles relationship woes with a high pressure life-and-death job in which screwing up isn’t an option. Ted Mosby is looking for his true love, the woman destined to be the mother of his children. For all the outlandish and hilarious situations these characters find themselves in, there's a clear path ahead of them, and room for growth. It might be unfair after one episode, but I honestly don't see any real direction for the cavemen. I wouldn't mind so much if the show was actually funny.

I lingered after it was over for Carpoolers, another show I may never watch again. It was placed in a smart timeslot. Right after America coined the phrase “Cavemen Bad”, they could use it in a sentence: “Carpoolers wasn't Cavemen bad.” It wasn't good either. Jerry O'Connell and three other guys no one should care about play four workers driving to work together, and that's pretty much the premise for the whole show. I felt like Tuesday was the night to learn that writers had absolutely, positively, and completely run out of ideas.

Not all new shows have been terrible. After being underwhelmed by the premiere of Bionic Woman, the second episode was marginally better. Take or leave the pun, but I think it will take a few episodes for the show to find its legs. Iron out some plotholes, don't fall on clichés where a villain hits “pause” on a fight for some expository dialogue, and cut back on the spunky kid sister, and we have a decent show. It's not Cavemen Bad but it's teetering on the brink between Smallville and Alias. Maybe I'm being overly critical because I so desperately want a new Alias.

Reaper is decent. After two episodes, I like the characters, and it has a good mix of humor and effects-laden action. It's smart, and should last. Pushing Daisies premiered this week, and I found it to be very charming with an extremely likable cast and a marvelous premise. The main character can bring the dead to life with a touch, but only once. A second touch returns them to being deceased forever. And if he doesn't restore their deceased status after sixty seconds, another life is lost. Between warm narration and a very saturated color palette, this concept comes across as a bright fairy tale for grown-ups.

So, I'm watching a few more new shows than I predicted, but overall it's been a good season for a couch potato, especially with returning favorites like Heroes andPrison Break rocking hard. Apart from Cavemen itself, I really can't call anything else Cavemen Bad. I wish it was at the very least Snakes on a Plane bad. I'm not sure if that movie was supposed to be hilarious or not, but I had tears coming out of my eyes from some of the ridiculous moments in there. If I shed any tears during Cavemen, it wasn't from laughter.