Who is this MCF, anyway?

Perception is a funny thing. The way we see ourselves, good or bad, often differs from the way other people see us. I've been genuinely shocked when people point out or notice certain things about me. For example, I once heard about several people observing that I always lower my head and never say hello to people in the hall. I'll say hello if someone greets me, or if I've reached a level of comfort where I think they know who I am and would not take offense to me speaking to them. Yet people I didn't think knew I existed had noted this behavioral quirk, which made me realize I had latched on to an ostrich mentality. Lowering one's head is about as effective as putting one's head in the sand. Another approach I've used is the noncommittal half-smile or nod. If someone responds, I then elevate to a verbal greeting. If they don't, I can play it off as an itch or facial tic. Think of the scene in the first Spider-man in which, on a field trip, Toby Maguire's character is surprised that a pretty girl, played by Kirsten Dunst, waves at him. He expresses the perfect “Who me?” look before beaming and waving back, just as her friends pass by from behind him, revealing that she was waving at them. He lowers his hand, and looks the way I feel every day of my life.

In order to grow and overcome certain personality handicaps, a person needs to first recognize what they are. Someone, possibly my mom, once said that to be loved, one must love oneself. Actually, what she used to say was “in order to have friends, you have to be a friend,” but it's a similar thought. I remember a time after taking a new job when friends of a friend would go to lunch without me whenever my friend wasn’t in. I didn't really know them that well yet except through him, and I'd sit in my cubicle when they walked by, hear them talking, wait for someone to invite me, and then be bitter about it when they didn't, thinking they didn't want me along or didn’t like me. That was psychotic. Modifying my mom's saying, I would say that in order to have friends, one must prove he exists, and make people aware of that.

It's definitely not easy, and takes a conscious effort to not make the same mistakes even after I realize some of the odd ways I relate to people, or don't relate at all. Over at Sarcasmo's, I came across something called a Johari Window. It illustrates, in four panels, various personality traits and categorizes them based on what a person may or may not know about himself, as well as the things other people may or may not know about him. It seems like an interesting exercise to pursue, especially on a blog with an audience that consists of both people who know the real MCF, and people who only know what I tell them. Being “cloaked” allows me to be very honest though, and I suspect I may convey things I don't even realize.

Below you will find a link to my window. When you click it, it will ask you to choose five or six words from a grid that apply to me. I've chosen six words of my own and, upon completion, you'll see where things overlap. In a week or so, whenever a significant number of people have clicked, I'll post the results here. It should be educational and fun, and I encourage anyone to set up a window of their own! What we learn might surprise us:

Click and tell me who I am.