Unexpected Meme

Whether you plan each moment of your life meticulously, or just wake up each day and let life drive you where it will, there will always be something to take you by surprise. I had planned to muse about emotional roller coasters tonight, about the strange trips I take between joy and regret, to see if others share in such extremes. With all the changes at work lately I'd found myself in a funk, and the news that Friday was the last day for an old friend, who was leaving the company to teach literally on the other side of the planet left me with some mixed feelings about the last things I said to her, and more importantly those that I didn't say. Saturday was more of an upbeat day since I got outside for a while and kept busy, but I spent the majority of Sunday in my room with the lights out and the curtains drawn sleeping and watching DVDs. But the last two days, with the sunny weather and rising temperatures, I've been upbeat and alive again. I've had energy in the gym and at work, and I've been tackling and handling a significantly increased workload and a potentially problematic new supervisor pretty well so far. Maybe I'm happy because I was expecting the insurmountable and finding things to be not so bad, or maybe the human brain reaches a point where a person wallows in angst for so long that he or she automatically snap to the other extreme of laughing and joking. I don't think it's a sign of manic-depression since my up days and down days don't snap into place suddenly like a mood swing. It's more of an after-the-fact realization like “Hey, I'm having fun” or “Man, this sucks.” I was prepared to delve deep into this subject and compare notes about good days and bad days with readers, and then I saw last night's Happy Husband, and decided to instead shed some light on Curt's confusion. Presented now are my explanations of 23 Things Curt Doesn't Understand:

1) Heavy Metal Music: It just sounds cool. There's some degree of music involved despite the focus on a limited range of chords, and at some point it just becomes about the driving rhythm. While never a full-on headbanger, music from groups like Metallica motivated me in college when I had to stay up late and finish art projects. Because at some point it ceases to become music and becomes (angry) noise, I didn't have to focus on it and my brain could access subconscious layers of creativity. Besides, some movies just wouldn't be the same with any other style music. For more on Heavy Metal and it's inevitable decline in our society, please watch this educational video.

2) Modern Video Games: Modern games are realistic three-dimensional simulations that prepare children and adults alike for military stealth missions or surviving zombie infestations and corporate corruption. Classic video games were two-dimensional and involved guiding a yellow circle through a blue maze eating white dots. What's not to understand?

3) Why anyone would get married thinking, "If it doesn't work out, I can always get a divorce.": Me, I blame Susan Lucci

4) How anyone can believe there is no God I'm with you on this one. Even if they don't believe in the SAME God, there's too much evidence of SOME higher power to chalk everything up to randomness. The idea of complete cessation of existence at death is somewhat frightening too. Right now I AM, but tomorrow I MAY NOT BE? That's harder to wrap my mind around than the alternative.

5) How anyone can believe there is a God and still live as if He didn't exist. I would go with the parent analogy of God as Father with this one. We're supposed to honor our parents, but we've ALL disobeyed them at one time or another. I knew there would be consequences and repercussions if I snuck candy before dinner. I knew my mom existed; I still did it. It's just part of human nature, a weakness that comes with free will I think. It takes a conscious effort to NOT do something just as it does to DO something.

6) How my wife can be so amazing so consistently If she wasn't, you'd have to rename your blog and you and your friends would have to redo a bunch of banners.

7) Why she ever liked me to begin with Having seen you in real life, I'm guessing because she knows you're not likely to stray? Kidding. Actually that was a question I asked myself constantly for all the years I was with my last girlfriend. It's oddly reassuring to see that insecurity continues even for people who are living “happily ever after”. It validates those feelings and I realize that's the driving force that makes any man work to keep his lady. As soon as you get secure and comfortable, that's when you're in trouble.

8) The book of Revelation I suspect Rey could field this one.

9) nearly every movie in the American Film Institute's top ten I've only seen five of them, myself. I agree with the five I've seen, but perhaps when I've seen the others I can better understand this one. They certainly don't clarify criteria--is it based on ticket sales? that changes with population and inflation. Awards? A vote by a council of “experts”? If it's the last one, I just might have to convene my own group of experts and come up with our own list. No UHF? Now THAT'S hard to understand.

10) people who relish sex without love Maybe they don't. Maybe they just want to THINK they do, and are convincing others as much as themselves.

11) people who confuse sex with love Someone we know could field this one but as I pasted the URL I realized it might be an insensitive joke and thought better of it.

12) Dune That's a shame, especially since you only read the first page. I admit there were some pages I had to reread and some aspects of the story I didn't fully envision until I saw the sci-fi miniseries If you didn't understand the 1984 film that would make sense, but I was surprised that the story of a mother who flees into the desert with a son destined to become a messiah to free an enslaved people wouldn't resonate with some of your other inclinations. It's worth giving a second chance, in my opinion.

13) the German language The extent of my knowledge comes solely from Nightcrawler--”Ach du lieber Mien Freunds!” ::BAMF!!!::

14) the C++ programming language Um....10 Print “C++”, 20 GOTO 10? No?

15) pretty much any word coming from the mouth of Bernie Mac AMERICA! Can you BElieve this here fool? Lawba dib dub. Fasnazzle.

16) Einstein's theory of relativity This is the best explanation I could find. Basically, the speed of light is constant no matter how fast or slow we move. Then I kept reading, confident that 12 years ago this all made perfect sense in high school, and now I feel a little depressed and stupid.

17) why some people consciously choose Windows XP over Mac OS X It has to do with the majority syndrome, that people are sheep who do what the majority of others are doing. PCs are also a LOT cheaper than Macs, and what costs us Mac users 2 grand they can build for under $300. I can understand it, but I understand the user-friendliness of my Mac a lot better.

18) why I sometimes take my marriage for granted Probably because you get comfortable in point #6 and forget about point #7.

19) chess…and Risk…and any role-playing game See this educational reenactment.

20) why we must all die a bit in order to grow The past is an anchor that prevents us from moving in to the future. We can only go so far if we try to lug everything with us.

21) vegans A better question would be why a carnivore like myself is so repulsed by images from a hunting catalog....

22) black holes and quantum physics A black hole is a star that has collapsed upon itself creating a gravitational pull from which nothing, not even light, may escape. It's also a great movie from my childhood. The gist of quantum physics, as explained to me by Rey, is that at the subatomic level molecules DON”T behave they way we'd expect them to and atoms aren't these neat little “planets” with orbiting protons and electrons. In fact, the laws of physics are so different it's as though some outside force were acting upon the particles to change their behavior. See point #4.

23) how my wife grows more beautiful every single day I'm guessing this is because of something you did. Everybody head on over to Curt's and congratulate Mr. and Mrs. Happy!

Disclaimer: While not a scientist and clearly not grasping Einstein's theory to it's fullest, please be assured that MCF does indeed know the meaning of the word ”rhetorical” and just thought this would make for a fun column. Tune in tomorrow for your regularly scheduled obscure references to pop culture and made-up social “gatherings”.