Snow Fair II: The Wrath of Cold

KHOOOOOOOOOOLLLLDD!!!!!!

::shakes fists to sky as overhead camera whirls overly dramatically::

Certainly this month ”came in like a lion” in more ways than one. I had heard rumors about what happened last Thursday before I went in that day, but either didn't believe it, didn't think it would have the scale effect it did, or didn't care. For days now I've been exhausted yet unable to fall asleep at night or think of anything but work. “How am I going to do all this?” is the first thing I think when I wake up in the morning. I'm going to have support from other departments and, if I play my cards right, can actually make the change advantageous. If I allow other people to help me, to learn the things “only” I know, or even to accept them doing things a little differently, I'll feel less obligated to do everything and more relaxed about taking time off. The people who made the decisions about the new structure of the company are estimating a week to adjust; I see the process taking a month or more, and I'm taking it one day at a time. I've been having a hard time staying at my desk the last few days though. I have work to do and I know what it is, but I get into this mode of “what do I do first?” and rather than pick one thing, I do nothing. I keep getting up, keep bothering my friends who have work of their own to do as well. I'm having flashbacks to elementary school and my formative years. Back then I just joked around and disrupted everyone and eventually the teacher had to move me to the back of the class. Eventually, my parents had to put me in a private school so I could focus. When I'm overwhelmed, sometimes I bend and adjust. Other times I just break.

After a two hour meeting discussing the new procedures and workloads consumed my morning, I had no inclination to return phone calls or e-mails. I had to get out. I wondered if it was still drizzling. It was a miserable drive in and at one point got ominously dark for that time of the morning. Despite this, I was glad the rain would wash the salt and sand and dirt and snow away. I had heard the forecasts and was listening to 1010 WINS, but I either didn't believe it, didn't think it would have the scale effect it did, or didn't care. I went out with my friends and the temperature had dropped. Rain had become sleet which became snow. We cleaned off the car and went to Best Buy. We came out and the car was covered, slightly iced. We went to Wal*Mart. We came out and the wind was gusting, we couldn't see, and the car was encased in ice. On the drive back we couldn't see more than a few feet in any direction before all gave way to a white void. There was no way they wouldn't let us out early. Part of me looked forward to it though dreading a drive in those conditions. Part of me realized that my work would only pile up more. When we discovered the company hadn't even acknowledged the harsh conditions and those who weren't brave or foolish enough to leave their desks for lunch were still hard at work, I was somewhat discouraged, hence the aforementioned staring at my screen and wandering over to my friends. At times I was laughing and throwing things like I didn't have a care in the world, when that was anything but the truth. Maybe it was some weird anti-stress mechanism kicking in to help me cope, or my crippling immaturity rearing its ugly head. Or maybe deep down I don't care about the work anymore, which raises deeper questions I'm not prepared to face just yet.

The afternoon dragged and I got nothing done until around 5, at which point something kicked in and I got everything I should have been doing the previous three hours done in about a half an hour. The gym closed early, making two days in a row that I haven't been down there. I've started to backslide into my old ways and after a few days of no gym and ice cream at night, I've gained a few pounds. The disgusting chili cheese Fritos I had at lunch probably aren't helping. I don't know why it looked so appealing to me in the picture. Maybe I need to see what my friends saw and laughed about when I got up to get a napkin because I had cheesy fingers. The next time my eyes are bigger than my stomach on line in a food court, I'll try to mentally picture that. As for my early departure, I had trouble opening my door and it took some time to scrape the ice off the windows. I made it from one parking lot to another before having to stop and scrape again. I got a little further through lines of traffic and the occasional ambulance rushing an intersection. At one intersection people continued through when there was no where to go with the line of cars, blocking us when the light changed in our favor. People are selfish. The snow subsided when I was nearly home, and I almost died when an oncoming giant dump truck with a plow attachment skidded and crossed the double-yellow lines. Fortunately there was no curb and I was able to veer off into a small snow bank to avoid a head-on collision. It only took me an hour to get home which, given the conditions, wasn't bad. I don't know about anyone else in the Northeastern United States, but I'm about ready for some lamb.