Bad Advice

The world is full of advice. Friends and family offer it. Even strangers make suggestions. In some cases there are truly helpful tips out there while in others, it's some form of marketing to get you to buy some product or subscribe to someone else's way of doing things. Sean recently posted a link to 100 Great Tips to Improve Your Life, and there's a ton of good things on there, many of which I might actually try.

Still, all advice, if not good, is usually offered with good intentions. A vacuum exists, to be filled with intentionally bad advice. Is it a list of what not to do, or a reflection of what people realistically do? I'm not saying I've followed any of the following “tips” or know anyone who has. Think of these as humorous hypotheticals:

1. You can never have too many donuts, preferably creme filled.

2. Green means “go”. Red means “stop” Yellow means “Hurry the **** up before the light turns red”.

3. Always strive to keep your desk cluttered. You won't appreciate the scope of what you have to do unless you're physically buried in it.

4. Never switch lanes when driving. You'll reach your destination eventually.

5. If ever faced with the prospect of unemployment, wait as long as possible before looking for a new job, especially if a severance package is offered. Life's too short to hurry something like that.

6. Save everything. You never know what you'll need until you need it and don't have it.

7. Accept candy from strangers. Candy is expensive.

8. The best time to eat ice cream or potato chips is after midnight when you don't have to share or explain yourself.

9. Never make lists. If something is important, you'll totally remember it.

10. Always check work e-mail from home; never check home e-mail from work.

11. Pens last forever. It may take a lot of spiral motion etched into your paper, but eventually that ink will flow.

12. Wallace Shawn was wrong. Always go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.

13. Air bags, air conditioning, and power windows are never as important as good gas mileage.

14. Save time by brushing your teeth once a week. Save water by flushing once a month.

15. Read my blog every day and do as I command.

I think that's enough bad advice for one day. Feel free to add tips and tricks of your own!