Whorenelli for President

It seems that I, Michael Wayvid Whorenelli, have been encouraged to run for office, specifically the U.S. Senate. It's very humbling, and an honor just to be considered, but with so much encouragement it seems I have no choice but to give the people what they want.

Politics, unfortunately, are a big responsibility. Whether office, state, or federal, it's not something I want to deal with. More often than not, people blame you for what's wrong rather than praise you for what's right and, if you're lucky, only half the people will hate you. Actually, whatever the party, I can guarantee that at least half the people will always hate you. So I don't think I'll be running for senate. I'm still running for Geekiest Blogger, and I encourage you to continue voting and encouraging others to do the same. My promise holds true: if I win, my true face will be revealed. For some reason though, that hasn't proved to be the incentive I thought it would. Maybe people like the mystery, or simply fear the truth.

What can I do? I can't win a war, or teach our children, or reduce crime. I can type, and take pictures, and ramble on about my family life and geek interests. Rather than senate then, I shall run for President of My Corner of the Blogosphere, which entails everyone I link to and everyone they link to and so on. Cast your vote by voting me the “Geekiest Blogger”, because let's face it, that's the same thing as “President of the Blogosphere.” Besides, this is my 1,000th POST.

One thing I notice about politicians is that they all make promises. I said I'd show my face if I win that other election, and that's the only true promise. Michael Wayvid Whorenelli is a refreshingly honest candidate, the kind of one-footed freak who will tell you all up front that my promises are empty. I can't possibly do any of these, nor do I have any intention of doing any of these, but here are some empty promises that, if elected, I won't keep:

1) Every Friday will be Frozen Treat Friday. I will deliver ice cream and other sweet goodness to all my readers. Just click the image of the dessert you want and hit eject. I promise it will slide out on your CD tray.

2) To counter the greatest threat to our society’s moral fiber, HairyU.com, I will offer a more wholesome alternative in ShavingU.com. No longer will rowdy, unsightly hair clutter our internets. ShavingU will be all flesh, all the time, and I promise it will be 100% clean.

3) I promise FawnDoo will start posting daily, the real Novelhead will return, and we'll find out what's inside AverageJoe's invitation-only blog.

4) I promise to personally visit each and every person who votes for me. A former OC Cabbie will be well compensated as the driver of my limousine, which will naturally be an Autobot.

5) I promise to provide better illustrations than Rey, better photographs than B13, and better gas mileage for your vehicles.

6) I promise to ban the following words from all newscasts: Hillary, Clinton, Paris, Hilton, froom, and the. Yes, that's right, let's see how those newscasters fare without their precious definite article!

7) Carthago delenda est. I promise that Carthaginians will not pose a threat to our blogs.

8) If you wait around the world,I'll make you fall for me. I promise you, I promise you I will.

9) I promise to abolish all pointless memes and filler posts. Every day will bring something insightful, moving, humorous, unilus and relevant.

10) I promise “unilus” will be a word by the time I'm in office, replacing “froom”.

So vote Whorenelli! Vote early and often! At the official ShavingU inauguration, I'll remove the fake mustache from my campaign photo to correspond to my real face! Unilus, true believers!



(The above image was created using the Simpsons Avatar Maker, brought to my attention by The Happy Husband who I promise under my regime will once more post daily and insightfully.)