Casting MCF

This week, Janet wants to know who would play me in a movie, and what the title of the film would be. My mind is reeling with possibilities. I think that at different stages of my life, different actors would be appropriate, not so much for physical appearance as the type of characters they play.

”Hold the Broccoli” would tell the tales of my college misadventures, improbable things I said and did as I acquainted myself with the outside world. Jason Lee would be my first choice for such a comedy, but Rob Schneider is who I could afford.

John Cusack would be perfect as the star of ”Fancy Restaurants”, a romantic comedy/drama about a young hotshot who gets a job, gets the girl, and has it all go to his head before he gets the message from reality.

In ”He's Not Heavy...”, Samm Levine would play a high school student who suddenly finds himself transferred to a school run by strict Marianist brothers. Can he make new friends, survive psychological bullies, and keep his tie out of his pasta at lunch?

”Off Key” would feature Zach Braff as a young geek who escapes a dead romantic life and the tedium of office work by pouring himself into karaoke. The drunker you are, the better he sounds.

Finally, ”I've Wasted My Life” would star Danny DeVito as a single writer on his deathbed, looking back on his life and wishing he had done some things differently. Enter Morgan Freeman as a guardian angel who appears and transports his consciousness back to his younger self, played by Paulo Costanzo. Armed with knowledge of the future, will he still make the same mistakes or allow the same opportunities to drift by? The film would jarringly flip between past and present, and neither the viewer nor the protagonist would know if it was real or his imagination until the stunning twist ending in which...well, you'll have to buy tickets once it gets made. I'll probably make films about my friends first, starring Daniel Stern, Daniel Radcliffe, Alfonso Ribeiro and Nicholas Turturro. Can you guess who's who?