Belated Sequels

It's no secret that there are fewer and fewer original movies every year. New ideas are rare, and sequels, prequels, and remakes abound. Sometimes, as in the case of Rocky Balboa, we might be pleasantly surprised. Other times, an irritating muppet might get entirely too much screen time. Will Live Free or Die Hard, Rambo IV: Pearl of the Cobra, or Indiana Jones 4 be worthy of any of their predecessors? I cannot answer that question definitively. I can have some fun though and speculate some other unlikely (bad) sequels that may crop up when we least expect them....

1) Ferris Beuller's Layoff: What happens when a former high school troublemaker suddenly loses his job? He decides to pull his straight-A student son out of school for a road trip with his best friend, and teach the boy there's more to life than good grades and perfect attendance, much to his wife's dismay. Stars Matthew Broderick, Alan Ruck, Mia Sara, Jeffrey Jones, and Jennifer Gray reprise their roles, with cameos by Charlie Sheen, Ben Stein, and Charlie Schlatter. Justin Long joins these veterans playing Ferris, Jr.

2) Super Mario Brothers: Rise to Power-Ups: This prequel stars Patton Oswalt and Freddy Rodriguez as the Brothers in their youth. If they can survive plumbing school, they just might embrace a greater destiny as a digitally de-aged Dennis Hopper becomes a dictator in another dimension.

3) Cabin Man: Will the same jokes stay afloat when Chris Elliot's character, having inherited his father's wealth, once again stumbles on to the wrong boat with some familiar faces from the first movie?

4) Happy Gilmore and the 18th Hole: Watch for Adam Sandler to display the more mature, dramatic aspect of his acting ability, cultivated in such films as Punch-Drunk Love, Spanglish, and Click. When Happy's grandmother passes away, he sinks into a pit of depression and alcoholism. Can a former rival, played by Christopher MacDonald, get him to make a triumphant return to golf, the only other thing that gave his life meaning? Expect a golf tour-de-force performance that will touch your heart and remind you that there's one more game left in all of us.

5) Navy Seals: Osaka Drift: Charlie Sheen thought he was done with the military, done with the sacrifices needed to combat terrorism. On an extended holiday in Japan, he gets caught up in the world of underground racing when he learns that the profits fuel the plans of a known terrorist. His old training resurfaces, but to learn a few new tricks to win the race and save the world he'll have to turn to Vin Diesel. Sit down, strap in, and strike like lightning!