Clubbing with MCF

I'm not cool. I've never been cool, and I probably never will be. Most people my age, if they're concerned about being cool at all, are concerned about being cool in their children's eyes. To look at me is to instantly know me, isn't it? People see a nerd, a recluse with few friends and more than a passing familiarity with a 20-sided die, a tuba, snacks, or any combination of those. They'd be incredulous to learn I ever had a girlfriend, but who could blame them? Nerds are skeptical about the romantic success of their fellow outcasts. I remember a kid from my high school who boasted about a girl no one ever met, who ultimately left him for another girl. In some twisted way he was proud of that. TheWriteJerry once told me of a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader he had to let down easy, and I'm ashamed to confess to being dubious at the time. The thing is, we're all human beings with far more below the surface. Physical appearance, the way a person carries himself, and our own past experiences shouldn't paint a picture so readily, but we're all guilty of doing so with all kinds of people. People are full of surprises.

While I've never been cool, I've been fortunate to have friends who were. I remember back in college, when I was working the at a gas station, I mentioned to one of my coworkers a few of the New York City clubs I'd been to. He scoffed, “Yeah sure, y'all are ****in' John Travolta,” and laughed raucously. Even though he was arrested a week later for credit card fraud, his words haunted me. I didn't look like the type of person who could get into a nightclub like The Limelight. In fact, the first time I tried to go there, the bouncers turned us away because one of us, surprisingly not me, was wearing sneakers. Fortunately, I had a friend who was bouncer there, and one Halloween I finally got to see the place. It was loud, overwhelming, and felt like a set from Blade or Alias. At the time, I loved it. I'd return there a few times, as well as to the affiliated (and apparently now gone) Tunnel. On one occasion I even got in a V.I.P. entrance with my girlfriend, because a buddy of mine had designed some outfits for a fashion show there.

I think the first time I went to any kind of club or concert was shortly after high school. A friend of mine read about a rave in some nondescript warehouse out East in some newsletter from a t-shirt store. We'd go on to discover a club in Huntington called the Roxy Music Hall, which is now a church oddly enough. Most of the time they featured small Long Island Bands trying to make it big, but the beer was cheap, the black light was cool, and the mosh pit was intense. I'd come home bleeding sometimes, reeking of disgusting cigarette smoke, but while I was in the place I felt young and alive. Girls that wouldn't look at me twice sober and in good lighting would crowd surf. On one occasion, we actually saw Biohazard, and another time my friend played there for New Year's with his Ska band. Those were some good times.

There are only three occasions I can cite that the people behind the microphones were well-known. Besides Biohazard, I've seen Pearl Jam and Vanilla Ice. No, the latter isn't a typo. A few years ago, when he was making a comeback as a more Korn-esque performer, I caught him at CBGB, and it may well be the most awesome and insane performance I've ever had the privilege to witness. Truly, I was a part of history that night. As for Pearl Jam, my favorite band back in the day, I'm glad that I got to see them at least once in 1996 at Randall's Island, thanks to a friend-of-a-friend's father who had connections. I got to hear a lot of great songs from their first three albums, as well as as-yet unheard songs from their upcoming fourth album. Shortly thereafter, my mom found out what I'd spent on tickets, and though I thought $50 was a great deal, decided that if I “had money to throw away on that garbage”, then I could afford to pay rent. I had just graduated college and started my first real job, so she was right. It was totally worth it and I have no regrets.

I guess, in the end, it doesn't matter what we think of ourselves, or how we think other people see us. Sometimes, it's important to turn off the little voice that says, “I'm not the kind of person who would...” and listen to friends who suggest an excursion against type. This philosophy should be employed with common sense of course. My parents' fears to the contrary, despite all the clubs and concerts I went to in my youth, I never once tried drugs of any kind, though a few incidents of having too much to drink taught me some lessons. Often, especially on karaoke adventures, I'd drink to the point of dancing in the streets and making a general fool of myself, but never so much that I didn't remember everything vividly the next day. I may have calmed down a lot as an adult, more in keeping with my image, but the music, sights, sounds, and experiences are ones I'll carry with me my whole life.

I don't know why, but when I proofread this a second time, I heard it in my head as read by Zach Braff. Try it; you might like it.