Sure thing, Bunny Rabbit...

I've had a lot of nicknames in my life, not all flattering, and even the ones that sounded cool were usually dripping with sarcasm. For example, “a real winner” sounds positive on paper, but takes on an entirely non-literal meaning within a certain context with a certain tone of voice. In real life, unless you're an athlete or something, you probably don't get cool nom de guerres like superheroes. Add U.S. presidents to the list of people who get cool codenames, as I recently learned from Swanshadow.

Shad points out that the current president-elect gets to be known as "Renegade," while his bride is known as "Renaissance" and the kids are "Radiance" and "Rosebud." Yes, the family is coded too and there seems to be a theme. Our departing leader and his wife were "Trailblazer" and "Tempo", which I like because they sound like Autobots, not that the new family doesn't have cool names too. I for one welcome our new Decepticon overlords. And as Shad did, I'm going to consider some names that might fit me should this country every elect an overweight blogging graphic designer that still lives with his parents and spends way too much time in front of computers, televisions, or movie screens. Hey, stranger things have happened.

(1) Meatball: If I'm the first Italian-American in the oval office, we might as well get the obvious ethnic analogy out of the way first.

(2) Vandelay: Because in many ways, I'm just a badly disguised Costanza

(3) Spock: Though one of my least favorite childhood nicknames, it would be kind of cool to hear the secret service shouting it: “Spock is DOWN! Repeat, Spock has been HIT!” They...probably wouldn't be able to save my brain or beam me out of that situation, unfortunately.

(4) Chewie: College friends once referred to me as a “Sicilian Wookiee”, on account of my hairy Italian ways. With my height, Ewok might have been a more accurate description. Still, Chewie would work on two levels, since I love my snacks.

(5) Prime: It works for Autobot leaders, and as president I should be allowed a name that's simultaneously too cool for me while being incredibly dorky to the rest of America. My First Lady could be Elita One...

(6) Cap: I have to represent my vestigial comic book geek, and what better name than the familiar term for the sentinel of liberty himself? Plus, I'm turning yet another negative into a positive with an old college nickname.(I wore a lot of blue and was a white guy who embarrassed easily and turned red....”Cap” was usually reserved for my bowling screen name while they'd actually address me as the lengthier “star spangled boy”. Don't ask me how that same kid ends up in this hypothetical office...)

(7) Pacemaker: I love the double meaning here. Regular time on a treadmill barely keeps at bay the inevitable heart disease that genetics and poor diet have laid out for me. As leader of the nation, I'd effectively be setting the pace for those who follow me. Plus, truth be told, I kind of think this one sounds like an Autobot name as well. I know a lot of these are exceptionally nerdy, but at least I didn't actually change my name like this kid, who despite having the longest name in the world with the most comic book references, will probably still get married before me. But I digress.

(8) Trajan: What better name for a former art director of Italian descent who loves movies than the Roman movie font? Plus I bet there will be some dumb, hot intern who totally thinks the name refers to something else...

(9) Kodos: If you get the joke immediately, you're my kind of people. If not, watch this video, and you will be:


(10)Jack Bauer: I %^$%ing dare terrorists to mess with a president nicknamed Jack Bauer. Damnit!

I think that's enough of a list for now. Cool nicknames to anyone who got the reference in the post title...