Checking Up

So, I went to the doctor on my day off on Monday after recent ”off” feelings had me concerned. The last few days I've had various lightheaded moments, and all through a gig on Saturday night I had a dry mouth and weak legs. Shy as I am, I've never been nervous while performing, not in the 23 years I've been a musician. I took a break to grab some water and when I told our saxophone player I thought my perpetually dry mouth was just nerves and not diabetes as he suggested, he was incredulous. “Why would you be nervous? You know all these songs.” I'd say the trigger was when we were playing outside the hall as guests arrived, and a particularly pretty girl started filming us. I thought something along the lines of “It's going to suck if I pass out on film” and it was downhill from there.

Anyway, as I expected, I felt a lot better after seeing the doctor. He told me the back pain I was feeling probably wasn't from my mole, and that since it was an even color and symmetrical shape it probably wasn't cancerous. Bleeding and change in shape or color are all warning signs, although like many other doctors he did point out that removing it wouldn't be a bad idea, especially since it was in a place I can't see and might not notice any warning changes. As for some of the other symptoms I feel in stressful situations, he'll be ruling some other things out with blood tests and at some point a treadmill stress test. He said a lot of what I was describing was common and he hears it from a lot of patients, but it doesn't hurt to check that I'm otherwise healthy anyway. Indeed, when I filled out the application and had to indicate the date of my last regular physical, I realized it was around June of 1996. Like most of us, I've only gone to doctors when I wasn't feeling well. I'm only 33 so I'm probably a little young to have annual check-ups, but it's not a bad idea.

It seems like all I've been doing lately is writing checks. My $10 copay was the least painful of all, and earlier in the day when I got my latest checking account statement less the $15,000 or so for my new car, I definitely felt my legs go a little weak and my mouth a little dry. “It's only money,” said my mom. “You didn't lose money; you gained a car,” said my dad. My doctor meanwhile went on a tangent about insurance costs and why offices like my old doctor got so busy, taking on a large volume of patients to cover expenses but ultimately not having the time to give enough individual attention. I couldn't remember the last time I went to that office and actually saw my old doctor. Usually someone less competent was covering for him. My new doctor pointed out that he keeps a smaller patient load and cuts corners, drives an older car and lives modestly, especially since he “only” made $140,000 last year. I guess finance is a proportionate thing.

My last 2 checks were written Monday evening after my dad and I picked up our tax papers from our accountant. My mom got everything in a little late this year due to her hospital stay, but I was in no rush. A single guy living at home, I almost always have to pay something. Since I started my new job immediately after my old one was done with me, and had a decent severance package, I had the equivalent of two salaries for a few months. In light of that, as much as I owed this year it could have been worse, and it softens the blow of buying the car to remember that I made a little extra last year. It might even help with my 2008 taxes that I had such a large expense.

On Monday I wrote a lot of checks, and I had myself checked. In the morning, I also checked the new car with my dad, who was skeptical of the dealer's claims and wanted to check everything himself. I had plenty of oil, transmission fluid, and wiper fluid but needed a little antifreeze. My brakes all looked good to him as did the battery. I had a little trouble getting one of the tires off, small but heavy things. Perhaps they're weighted differently from my old car which used five bolts versus the four of the new vehicle. In any case, as I crouched and heaved the tire off the bolts of the jacked-up vehicle, I stumbled backward under the weight of the free tire. I let it go and threw my hands behind me to break my fall, a mistake for the master of the improbable. My right hand found only our lawn, while my left found the hubcap I'd removed. Though my dad reached out to catch me he was too late, and the heel of my left hand landed on a blunt piece of plastic. It was hard to tell with the grease, but after I got my hand clean I saw that it wasn't a puncture so much as a really deep indentation that then broke the skin. I could move my thumb still so it didn't hit any muscles, but it's going to be sore for a while.

“Good thing you're going to the doctor today,” joked my mom. I didn't have him check my hand as other things were priorities. When it comes to freak accidents though, I wish I could check probability ahead of time and see these possible outcomes. Then again, that would probably just cause more anxiety. Perhaps it's better to leave the improbable unchecked...