3.09.2007

Mighty Weapons

In our backyard sits an old aluminum garbage can, filled with soil that my mother uses for gardening. The lid is dented and beat up, because when I was a child it was my greatest weapon. It was, in my cartoon-corrupted brain, the mighty shield of Captain America.

There's been a trend in the comic book industry in recent years to leak major developments to the media, sometimes before the issues come out. This week for example, many fans learned of the death of Captain America from news articles. Not long ago, the unmasking of Spider-man was also spoiled. Perhaps the most high profile death was that of Superman back in the ‘90s.

Death and rebirth have always been common themes in comic books. The classic archetype was always the demise of a villain, who might go over a cliff. If the body wasn't recovered, you could bet he'd make a return to plague our hero a few issues later. As stories became more sophisticated, clones and robots came into play. Death rarely stuck in the fictional world of superheroes, to the point that current Marvel editor-in-chief Joe Quesada passed a rule that should his writers kill off a character, it should be permanent.

So is Steve Rogers really gone for good? I can remember about a year-and-half during my collecting days when Mister Fantastic and Doctor Doom perished in an explosion, only to resurface in another dimension. I thought Aunt May died once, but apparently after I stopped collecting comics regularly, it turned out someone impersonating her died. There are any number of ways Comic book deaths can be reversed or revealed to not be what we think. As for Captain America, other men have worn the uniform over the years besides Rogers. As for Rogers, if he does show up in another guise, as Sean speculated, that wouldn't be a first either. If this was Steve's last stand, may he rest in peace.

One other related matter that I'd like to address is a list of The Top 20 Comic Book Weapons I also found at Sean's. For the most part, I can't argue with that list, although Wolverine's claws are a part of him, and technically Wolverine himself is a weapon. They also omitted cosmically powerful weapons, and there's at least one I'd have on my list. Off the top of my head I can think of at least 30 fictitious weapons, mostly because I didn't date in high school, but for the sake of sanity and brevity I'll limit my picks to 10:

1. Cap's Shield: Of course this is going to be first. Made from a nigh-indestructible Vibranium alloy, it was both a defensive and an offensive item, which he'd hurl with remarkable accuracy, ricocheting off several targets before reclaiming it. It's not the strongest weapon on this list, but gets #1 for sentimental reasons.

2. Infinity Gauntlet: This is my favorite cosmic weapon, and probably that of every comic geek of the ‘90s. When the villainous Thanos went on a quest to claim six Infinity Gems, he succeeded, and once he affixed them to his glove their powers combined, giving him complete mastery over Time, Space, Power, Mind, Reality, and the Soul. His first act upon becoming the most powerful being in the Marvel universe was to instantaneously wipe out half its population. Needless to say it was the sort of situation that took six issues for our heroes to prevail.

3. Iron Man's Armor: As cool as it is when someone is born with natural abilities or develops them through some accident or confluence of accidents, I've always liked the self-made heroes too, because they could actually exist. Granted, I'll never be brilliant enough to craft flexible skin tight armor that stops bullets, flies, has an array of weapons, and fits in my briefcase, but it sure was fun to read about someone who could, and some of the real world body armor and tech used by our military is starting to mirror the armor of imagination.

4. Mjolnir: Whosoever holds this hammer, if he be worthy, shall possess the power of Thor." Marvel's Norse god of thunder carried a walking stick in his mortal form that, when struck against a hard surface, transformed into a mighty war hammer while revealing his own true form. He could spin it and hurl it into the air, towed behind it. It could break almost anything, and summon storms as well as open portals. Best of all, only the worthy could lift it so his enemies couldn't use it against him.

5. Batman's Utility Belt: Technically, it's not a weapon so much as a mode of carrying other weapons. Since it contains so many weapons though, useful for whatever the situation calls for, and can itself be electrified if the wrong person messes with it, I opted to include it in this list over Wonder Woman's Golden Lasso. So, if you don't want to count the belt, feel free to count a rope of variable length that can restrain the strongest being and force him to tell the truth.

6. Silver Surfer's board: Made from the same silvery, indestructible material that coats his skin, it obeys his every command, acts as a shield, and allows him to soar through space, as fast as the speed of light if necessary.

7. The Autobot Matrix: A repository for the sparks(souls) of fallen robot leaders, it grew in power as it was passed down from one to the next, enhancing each warrior who inherited it. It was concentrated, pure good, the light of which no evil force could withstand.

8. Quasar's Quantum Bands: I'll catch flak for listing this before #9. These wristbands could not be removed unless the wearer of them was killed. The gems allowed Quasar to tap into a limitless quantum zone of energy. This energy could be projected like a laser, or shaped to create force fields and other objects he could imagine. He could teleport great distances by entering the quantum zone, and reemerging in another part of the universe. Recently it seems, Wendell Vaughn was slain by Annihilus, but the bands have passed on to a new Quasar, Phyla-Vell, the daughter of Captain Mar-Vell. Sometimes a character survives the demise of his or her secret identity through a successor.

9. Green Lantern's Ring: Unlike the Quantum Bands, there are many rings, and an entire corps of wielders. The ring has similar powers, in that it can manipulate and create energy constructs, beams, and force fields based on the willpower of the person wearing it. The rings do have to be recharged, and while they were once vulnerable to the color yellow, that impurity was later removed. They are formidable accessories.

10. The Ebony Blade: Dane Whitman, the Avengers' Black Knight, was one of my favorite characters. Like the best weapons of his teammates, his enchanted sword was indestructible and responded to his mental commands. It could cut through anything, and absorb energy. and might rank higher on my list were it not for its curse: should the sword taste blood, it would have dire consequences. In Dane's case, when the sword finally tasted blood, he became paralyzed and needed an exoskeleton just to move, eventually fusing with it. He was later cured, and opted to switch to a neural disrupting photon sword not unlike a Lightsaber, but I always liked the classic weapon and the skill he needed to duel without drawing blood.

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It was tough keeping it to 10 or 11 choices. What have I left out? What have I ranked differently than you would? Perhaps at some future date I'll look at more weapons, or expand into other areas of geek media...

14 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for the reference! I enjoyed your list! I'm liking the Quantum Bands!

3/09/2007 8:16 AM  
Blogger Curt said...

Geek-out line of the year (so far): "As stories became more sophisticated, clones and robots came into play."

Awesome list, but didn't Blue Beetle have a towel he used for whipping his foes? Or maybe that was a junior high bully I knew who just called himself Blue Beetle.

3/09/2007 9:40 AM  
Blogger b13 said...

best comment of the year (so far): ...didn't Blue Beetle have a towel he used for whipping his foes? Or maybe that was a junior high bully I knew who just called himself Blue Beetle.

Nice Curt :)

3/09/2007 9:52 AM  
Blogger Scott Roche said...

A surfboard? Come on, not a weapon. It's a means of transport primarilly.

I agree that Wolvie's claws are best left out as they are "natural" weapons. Might as well include Juggernaut's head or the Hulk's fists if you go there.

I'd include Spidey's web shooters in place of the silver tongue depressor.

3/09/2007 11:26 AM  
Blogger Jerry Novick said...

I cannot believe you listed the Quantum Bands over Green Lantern's ring!!!

3/09/2007 11:49 AM  
Blogger Otis said...

Green Lantern's ring has to be in the top 3.

3/09/2007 6:15 PM  
Blogger Otis said...

O.K. two weapons I think should be on the list.

1. Spawn's cape.

2. Juggernaut's Crimson Gem of Cyttorak.

Discuss.

3/09/2007 6:33 PM  
Blogger MCF said...

The surfboard responds to mental commands and can be used offensively. It's as much of a weapon as Cap's shield.

The gem of Cytorrak is a mystical conduit that granted Cain Marko invulnerability upon exposure; it's not itself a weapon. A better example of mystical weapon would be Dr. Strange's Amulet of Agamotto, which would probably be #11 on my list.
Spawn's cape and chain would be on the list, but only after Ghost Rider's chain and cycle.
Curt's Blue Beetle sounds a lot like a kid in my elementary school, except he went by Black Hannibal...
That's an insane picture Rey found. Superman with the hammer and shield is like the Surfer with Quantum bands....

3/09/2007 11:48 PM  
Blogger Darrell said...

Better late than never.

And before I get started, everybody be sure and check out the awesome new Spidey 3 poster.

I don't have a ton of stuff to contribute to the discussion, but I'll say this junk ...

I'd originally have ruled out Spidey's web since it's really primarily a means of convenience ... but if Norrin Radd's board is a weapon, so are the webs. So I'm with Scott on that one.

Omega Red's tendrils are awesome.

Infinity Gauntlet is great, but I never liked Adam Warlock and his big role in that story put a wet blanket on it for me.

And the ultimate weapon, bar none, is the Ultimate Nullifier. Anything that can make Galactus tuck his tail and run needs big props.

3/10/2007 7:24 AM  
Blogger Darrell said...

Oh, and don't miss Colbert On Cap.

3/10/2007 7:30 AM  
Blogger MCF said...

The Infinity Gauntlet makes the bearer a god. The Nullifier completely obliterates everything from existences, starting from its center and expanding outward in a sphere that encompasses the person who ACTIVATES it. So yeah, you intimidate Galactus, but it's the ultimate WMD, and one you could never use without sacrificing yourself. I'll take a Gauntlet, ring, or wristband over that any day.

Two words: Impact Webbing. When Ben Reilly became the Scarlet Spider, he modified the shooters to have more offensive capabilities. Of course, the comic Parker now has organic webbing like his film counterpart, so it's a moot point.
Omega Red's tendrils are great, but I think he'd be outmatched against Doc Ock, with four metal appendages to keep him at bay and avoid his deadly pheromone power. (Damn, I still know far too much about comics.)

I have seen that poster, and it is indeed awesome. And before 300, I saw the most amazing spoilerific trailer yet for Spidey 3. At this rate, by the time the movie comes out I think it will simply be a matter of watching the scenes I've seen in order.

3/10/2007 4:21 PM  
Blogger MCF said...

That Colbert thing was brilliant..."Pick a side Wolverine!" lol. I've followed the whole Civil War thing casually online; a lot didn't make sense and I probably won't pick up a trade. Iron Man for the Government and Cap against? Another registration act? Back in the 90s they did a storyline like that with the mutants.



(Oh well, at least we still have Ultimate Cap. "You think this A stands for France?!")

3/10/2007 4:27 PM  
Blogger Darrell said...

Since when does a weapon have to only hurt the person it's aimed at? ;) Where's the justice in that?

Yeah, impact webbing is great, though I missed (happily) the Scarlet Spider storyline. Clones Schmones.

MCF: (Oh well, at least we still have Ultimate Cap. "You think this A stands for France?!")

I'm a casual but enthusiastic fan of Ultimate Cap. I like him better than MU Cap, to be honest. I'm sure that MU Cap will be back, of course. Which is fine, as long as they don't come up with something too corny.

3/11/2007 7:00 AM  
Blogger Darrell said...

I meant to say this in my last comment, but I forgot...

Let me go on record, as I told Otis, as the guy who predicted Cap's glorious return in a year or two ... coinciding with the big movie. Quesada admitted in the current Comic Buyers Guide that Spidey is back in the black suit in the comics right now because of the upcoming Spider-Man movie. Marvel is shelving Cap for now so they can create the biggest comics/movie crossover fanfare of all time in a couple of years.

3/11/2007 7:25 AM  

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