M.C.F.A.T. XIII: Answers

Do you know what day it is? It's the day I reveal my answers to the Mysterious Cloaked Figure's Astonishing Test Volume XIII. But first, let's hear what you had to say:

Neolithic

Wendy

*NAME HIDDEN*

Darrell

Lorna

Rey

Sean

Kev Bayer

Rubi Bayer

And now, my turn:

1) What were some of your scariest vehicular experiences, either behind the wheel or as a passenger?

When I wrote this question, I was anticipating a three hour road trip with a notorious fast driver. As it turned out, I had little to fear. He drives fast, but has complete control, even while taking both hands off the wheel to answer his cell phone and attach his hands-free headset. Sure, there were a few times I gripped the door handle in fear as we weaved in and out of traffic, and my eyes were always on the airbag panel in front of me, but a three hour trip under those circumstances isn't so bad, especially when it takes only two hours.

I guess my first scary driving experience would be my driver's test. The gruff battleaxe of a woman giving the test did little to ease my nervousness, especially when I turned out of the parking lot at a cautious 20MPH and she barked, “Ya can go faster ya know!” Then there was parallel parking, still a challenge to this day, which I performed perfectly, only to turn around and screw up a three point turn, something I had mastered in practice. In a moment of doubt, thinking I hadn't backed up far enough, I inexplicably slammed on the gas and sent us backwards on to a curb. When it was over and I pulled to a stop in the parking lot, she began jotting things down and without looking up informed me, “I'm going to have to fail you.” “You are?” I asked with genuine incredulity borne of the ether. Her only response was a stare and a raised eyebrow. Three months later I'd pass my second road test, and on my first drive to college take a curve too fast in the rain. I turned my wheel to the right with the curve, but the car kept going straight for the fence separating the parkway from the side road. I recovered and ever since then, the older I get, the more cautious I get. My days of speeding are well behind me, especially after getting my first and only speeding ticket about two or three years ago.

Finally, two Summers ago my dad pulled out at an intersection after stopping at a stop sign. I glanced to the right and saw a minivan in the distance. Suddenly it was even closer, and I noticed there wasn't a stop sign for his portion of the intersection. Despite it being a residential area, he was going fast and showing no signs of slowing down. “They're not stopping!!” I screamed and in a split second my dad made a decision that saved my life if not both of ours. I would have hesitated in that situation, even hit the brakes. He floored it, and a radiator grill inches from the passenger side door was replaced by open sky, even as we suddenly spun as the van clipped the back half of our car. The world outside turned to a blur while everything inside slowed down, and I looked at my dad holding the wheel, looking more aggravated than afraid. When we stopped, we were facing the intersection, having spun a full 180 degrees. Long time readers will remember photos of the day we finally said goodbye to that car.


2) Are you going anywhere fun this Summer, and does Summer even mean the same to you as it did when you were younger?

Yes, I went to NASCAR. Other destinations this Summer will include Brooklyn and Hoboken, although those trips will be for work, if playing music and entertaining people while getting exercise and fresh air can be considered work. As for the second half of my question, I'd have to say the entire year is now a blur. I miss having the Summer off during my years as a student. Seasons change in the outside world but inside, at work, every week is the same as the one before it and the one after it, with no break in the routine, no demarkation beyond the work week. It's not a bad thing necessarily, but I've gone from having something to look forward to every year to looking forward to retirement in 30 years, at which point I'll probably be as bored as my dad was when he retired and no longer had anything to do. June is half over and I swear it was just March a week ago. In September I expect I'll be wondering about July. At least I got a road trip in this year though, and got a taste of what Summer means, or should mean, to younger people. Youth is wasted on the young. Enjoy what you have while you have it.


3) What was your favorite childhood toy, and how did it influence you over the course of your life?

The answer can be summed up in a classic post, but the Transformers were supreme among the various robot toys emerging in the ‘80s. I loved those toys and was always impressed by how they worked. “Watch, dad, WATCH! Are you watching? Look, it's a steamroller--are you watching?? And look, now it's a ROBOT!!” I must have annoyed the hell out of my parents. I used to “operate” on them too, taking them apart by removing all the screws then reassembling them. Sadly, some were never the same. On the positive side, in competing with friends in third grade to draw these characters, it sparked an interest in art that would lead to my present career. On the negative side, it was yet another haven for a shy kid, and a gateway to eight years of reading and collecting comics. While neither toys nor comics were bad hobbies, the way I buried myself in them didn't advance my social skills. I had a female friend in 4th and 5th grade that went to a different school from 6th onward. We used to talk on the phone all the time. One day she called me, after I hadn't heard from her in months, and I could barely pay attention because the cartoon was on. When she asked why I wasn't talking, I started telling her about the episode I was watching. She was disinterested, the conversation ended, and I never heard from her again. My hobbies can and have lead to strong friendships with those that share such interests, but if I'm not careful, they can be also used as tools for my at times baffling bouts of self isolation.


4) Speaking of childhoods, since I cast a Thundercats movie, Rey cast a Dungeons & Dragons movie, and Wendy made a comment about casting Atlas Shrugged, now it's your turn. Choose a cartoon, novel or other favorite work of fiction that's never been made into a movie, and tell us who you'd like to see star in it. If you're among those who've done this exercise before, of course you can do it again with something different.

What was I thinking? I'm not going to go as in-depth with my explanations as I did the last time. The series I'll choose for this exercise will be G.I. Joe, and my movie will star Kiefer Sutherland as Duke, Michael Clarke Duncan as Roadblock, Josh Lucas as Flint, Eliza Dushku as Lady Jaye, Jamie Foxx as Stalker, Jennifer Garner as Scarlett, Christian Bale as Snake-Eyes, Mark Hamill as Cobra Commander, Carrie-Anne Moss as Baroness, Michael Dorn as Destro and Jason Statham as Zartan. If I thought anyone wanted to see her in leather, I'd have cast Shohreh Aghdashloo as Baroness instead of Moss, because her voice is perfect for the role.


5) Your Current Age/2 = A
A + (A/2) = B
Your Current Age = C

What was your favorite pizza topping at A, B, and C respectively?(Providing the numeric values of A, B, and C is of course optional).

A=15.5=Plain

B=23.25=Sicilian or Pepperoni

C=31=Pepperoni, Buffalo Chicken, or Ziti slices.


SPECIAL BONUS QUESTION: If you could know one thing about MCF that you didn't, what would it be?

What do I really look like, and why am I my own worst enemy?