20 Lies, 5 Truths

As we enter 2009, how well do you know good ol' MCF? If given a list of 25 “facts”, 20 of which are false, could you pick out which 5 are true? Some of the lies may be fairly obvious, even borrowed from pop culture. Long-time readers and people who know me in real life might recall some of the truths I've shared in the past. But be careful; some of these are tricky...

1) I'm deathly afraid of felines, ever since a cat once chased me into traffic while I was riding my bike.

2) I once cracked a mentally-disabled girl in the back of the head with a six-foot metal pipe.

3) In high school, one of my many nicknames was “Strider”.

4) My body is completely hairless.

5) I once won back the girl of my dreams by holding a boombox over my head outside her bedroom window and blasting ”In Your Eyes”.

6) Just to see what would happen, I threw a kid down a flight of concrete stairs.

7) My friends and I once went hiking in the woods in search of a dead body.

8) I weigh just under 300 pounds, 283 to be exact.

9) My middle name isn't “Wayvid”, but it rhymes with that.

10) I'm wearing pants as I write this.

11) I absolutely adore all vegetables, almost as much as I love seafood.

12) I had my first beer four days before my 21st birthday.

13) In high school, my trenchcoat and I were inseparable and my two best friends depended on the various items I carried within it at all times.

14) My wit is razor sharp and I excel at thinking on my feet.

15) I once burned down my stepparents' apartment when I messed around with a chemistry set in an attempt to make a rocket pack for my teddy bear.

16) I'm a huge sports fan with an encyclopedic knowledge of players, coaches, uniforms, specific games and more.

17) If you can read this, you're driving too close to my monitor.

18) During marching band practice, bullies would often take away my tuba, shove me in a garbage can, and roll it down a hill.

19) When I was a teenager, my friends and I set off the motion detectors in the local middle school while breaking in over the weekend to retrieve an adult video cassette one of them had stashed in his locker. With alarms blaring, we fled down the block and hid in a nearby Blockbuster where my friend's sister worked at the time.

20) There are actually seven true items on this list.

21) I'm always happy, especially when I'm making jokes.

22) In elementary school, my inability to breakdance properly led kids to name my version of certain moves by prefacing the existing names with my own, i.e. the “MCF-worm”.

23) I have never set foot in a topless bar or had a lapdance.

24) I've seen every episode of Star Trek as well as those of all the spinoff series.

25) When my brief stint as a rogue demon hunter didn't work out, I soon found employment working for a demon. True story!