Accountability

I had an interesting conversation at work today with my friend Curt about what I was referring to as “work ethic” but what we ultimately mutually agreed upon as a work ATTITUDE. I mentioned in yesterday's review that one of my goals this year would be to take on more extra projects at work. I should clarify that part of our review in addition to rating our performance on a scale of 1-4 in various areas is to list three goals for the following year. Sometimes it's a specific area of improvement, sometimes we're asked to take a class or seminar. Among the things I'm tasked with next year is to do MORE, which is difficult with my workload and the fact that I now HAVE to use my vacation days or lose them. Curt pointed out the incongruity of hard workers versus raises and promotions. Some people do very little but seem like they're busy, and don't get fired. Some people get laid off who aren't necessarily slackers. Some people work very fast and efficiently, producing quality and quantity. Their reward is usually more work. Good or bad, Curt's learned to separate himself from his job, to see it as just a place to earn money so his wife can do her job, which makes more of a difference in the world than what we do, producing catalogs--junk mail, basically. I remember about year ago when she lost her job. Curt blogged about the impact of it, not just monetary, but in terms of “personal fulfillment.” Thankfully, she's since found another job.

When I was deciding what I would study in school, I thought about what I loved the most. At the time, it was comic books, and with no concept of the process or the salary or the cost of living, let alone the basic skills I would soon learn my peers possessed, I majored in art. The professor who reviewed my portfolio was sharp enough to steer me in the direction of graphic design over fine arts. My drawing ability has improved A LOT in the past decade, but I'll never be an illustrator. It's competitive out there, even for the highly talented like some of my friends. In life unless you're wealthy, odds are you'll be spending most of your time at work. So I chose from my heart. I chose something I'd love, and compromised to get as close as possible. And as I was putting Elektra on the cover of a piece I was designing this morning, I realized that I do enjoy my job. The problem is the volume, and how much of my life is dedicated to getting everything done. It's partly my “work ethic”, passed on to me from my parents no matter how lazy I appear to them, but it's also my competitive nature. I have to get everything done. I have to get as much done as possible in the least amount of time(which only frees me to do more). I get a good feeling when I “beat my record” and accomplish things faster than I used to. So it's tough to let go sometimes, and I remember a strong sense of failure when my boss took some of MY work and gave it to someone else to do so I could take time off. Not getting everything done makes me feel like I've lost. I'm responsible. I have ownership. I'm accountable. I have to get over that.

One of my online associates, the ever-Scottish FawnDoo, has been contemplating getting a blog himself. If the quality of his message board is any indication, I'm sure it will make for some great reading and land in my sidebar. Earlier today on a message board I may elaborate on someday here, he commented, ”I might well start up a blog then, it might inspire me to lead a more interesting life if I knew I was accountable to my readership.”

Wise words ‘Doo, wise words indeed. I think that's a positive kind of accountability not just to one's readers, but to oneself. I've found writing stuff down extremely helpful in organizing my own jumbled thoughts, and finding order amid the chaos of my existence. By writing things, documented statements, I add the responsibility of someday taking ACTION and breaking my status quo. Every day I'm thinking about what I'm going to write about that night. I've had my share of “nothing” days since I began, but I've found something to write about each time.

So stay tuned true-believers and tune in tomorrow, same cloaked time, same cloaked address, to read about SOMETHING INTERESTING....