My Worst Movie Line Five

The great scripts of the world contain some of the most memorable and oft-quoted lines in movie in television history. You use them at parties, or in casual conversation around the office. Of course, a really bad bit of dialogue is just as easily seared in to the brain, leaving you wondering what the heck the writers were thinking. These are My Five worst lines on any screen, big or small:

1) “I Can't Bring Nathan Back, Peter. But I Can Sure as Hell Swing a Sledgehammer.”-Sylar(Heroes):
Sylar was once a force to be reckoned with on the show, a serial killer who gained the superhuman abilities of others by cutting open skulls and studying brains, instantly understanding through his own ability how to manifest that of his victim. With each new power in his arsenal, it got to a point where he was too powerful and they had to find ways to keep the popular villain on the show without any of our heroes killing him, or vice versa. By the end of the fourth season, he was trapped in the mental plane of his own mind by Matt Parkman, who hoped his psychic ability could imprison the nigh immortal antagonist forever. Peter Petrelli, who can take on the ability of another superpowered being, used Matt's ability to try and free Sylar, because he needed his help to stop a larger threat. Sylar had killed Peter's brother Nathan, so it wasn't an easy decision for Peter, at least not until Sylar said that ridiculous line, picked up a hammer, and joined Peter in trying to break down the very obvious mental block represented by a brick wall. I don't know which was worse; the line or the fact that Peter just nods and accepts it as an apology as they team up to defeat the wall.

2) “Do you know what happens to a Toad when it's struck by lightning? The same thing that happens to everything else.”-Storm(X-Men):
When fans make a case against Halle Berry's portrayal of the character, 99.9% of the time this nonsensical line, uttered before she dispenses with Ray Park's Toad, is Exhibit A. Her performance didn't get any better in the sequels, but for the most part her lines didn't get much worse. It's definitely the low point in an otherwise awesome first film. Listen and see for yourself.

3) “Did I do that?”-Steve Urkel(Family Matters):
Shut up, Urkel. Just. Shut. Up.

4) “But I was going in to Tosche Station to pick up some power converters!”-Luke Skywalker(Star Wars®):
Put down those lightsabers, Star Wars® fans; I'm one of you, and I can explain. It's not the line so much as how he says it. And I understand that, at this point in the saga Luke is supposed to still be a young, whiny bitch. So kudos to Mark Hamill's portrayal, especially for maturing him through the trilogy as he eventually became a serious Jedi master. I guess maybe he did too good of a job, because you definitely want to smack his character at that point in the film.

5) “What killed the dinosaurs? The Ice Age!”-Mr. Freeze(Batman & Robin):
I just picked one of his corny lines at random, because really they all stank in that ****ing movie(“Ice to see you!”, “If revenge is a dish best served cold, then put on your Sunday finest. It's time to feast!”, etc.). If that was any indication of where Schwarzenegger's career was going, then it's a good thing he went into politics. I'd love to hear him debate global warming with Al Gore some time using dialogue from that film. That would actually be kind of awesome....

I'm sure you can think of worse; go for it....



Anonymous Krispy said...

Good picks. Of course, picking a line of bad dialogue from a Star Wars film is shooting fish in a barrel. But, yeah, once you get past the terrible writing, mediocre (at best) direction, the one-note performances, the plethora of plot holes, and the f-----g muppets, the Star Wars films are just tooootal claaaaaasics.

The Schumcher Batman films are almost bad enough to be entertaining in a camp way, but not quite enough. They make me appreciate the '60's show. The worst thing about Schumacher's Batman And Robin is the way that movie just ruins Bane. But Bane never gets proper representation. Even in the very good Batman: Arkham Asylum video game, Bane is the first level boss you face. It takes a few tries to figure out the proper button/timing sequence, but after that it's no harder than beating the first Bowser in a mario game. And this is the guy who was strong and smart enough to whip Batman back in the day. Why do they always turn him into a watered down Hulk?

I cringe every time I hear that line from the first X-men movie. Do you know what happens when a sloppy writer tries to come up with a great catch phrase? The same thing that happens when he tries to write anything else.

3/27/2010 12:02 AM  

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