Wisdom in Stupidity

I've always found it an interesting, whether intentional or not, parallel that the The Transformers: The Movie Soundtrack contains both Stan Bush's ”Dare” and ”Weird Al” Yankovic's ”Dare to Be Stupid”. The latter always seemed an odd fit among the other instrumental or ‘80s metal/rock songs, but it did play a very specific role as the theme song for the Junkions, a race of robot motorcycles who inhabited a planet of junk and whose leader was voiced by Eric Idle. Since the Junkions spoke in television lingo and other pop culture jargon, the wacky Devo-inspired lyrics and tones were a perfect fit. I often listen to the soundtrack as a morale boost, or to get myself psyched up about something, and it's been in my car's CD player quite regularly during my past few weeks of a failed romantic misadventure that I'm not dwelling on. I'm not.

I did find myself listening a lot more closely to those nonsense lyrics though, and finding some sense and inspiration in there. I may never know how I went from “She seems interested; she asked about you” to writing this girl for a few days, to having her stop replying when I asked if I could call her to talk more, and the not knowing is the bit that will nag at me for a while no matter how much I say otherwise. At this point, I wouldn't even mind a negative response, so long as I got one. With my track record I could use some constructive criticism so life would stop pulling the football away everytime I went to kick it. But it's not as if I've never been guilty of anything similar. About a month ago, a woman from my old job e-mailed me when she heard of a job opening in my company, begging me to put in her resumé and telling me her sob story of being out of work for a year. I wasn't unsympathetic to her plight, but couldn't in good conscience recommend her to my boss without destroying my own credibility. The way this woman had left my old company was to storm into her boss' office, slam the door, and proceed to curse him out loud enough for everyone outside to hear. Whether or not this particular boss was the type of person to provoke that kind of verbal assault is a separate issue(he was), because under no circumstances is that the professional way to handle such a situation. I couldn't recommend her; wrestled for a few days with how to respond, and before I knew it weeks had gone by and I ended up ignoring her. I couldn't say “yes”, I didn't have a diplomatic way of saying “no”, and I already had more qualified friends vying for the position. That example alone should give me some empathy toward my new friend’s deafening silence.

So the question is no longer the “why” she didn't respond or the “what” I could have done differently, so much as should I have even tried at all? Was it stupid? All the times in my life that I didn't act on my feelings, it wasn't rejection alone that I feared. It was awkwardness, even mockery. Would I be pathetic for having feelings that weren't returned? Would she and her friends be giggling about me every time I walked by? When I was about 7 or so, my father was playing with a polka band in a dance hall, and some pushy lady thought it would be cute if I danced with her granddaughter. I was super shy, and ultimately ended up hiding in a phone booth in the lobby for the duration of the dance. In some ways I never left that phone booth. If I could do it all over again, I would have danced with that girl. Opportunities are rare; regret is common.

“Weird Al” does parodies, and his talent lies in mockery. While the similarly titled Stan Bush song tells us that “You can win if you dare”, the Yankovic song may not be all that different. There are a lot of nonsense lines like “Burn the candle at both ends/Look a gift horse in the mouth/Mashed potatoes can be your friends”, but his ultimate conclusion is, “The future's up to you, so what you gonna do?” I took a mathematical approach to my recent situation, and have been doing this with a lot of my decisions these past few months. I simply played out the scenarios. If I asked the question, I could get a positive response, or a negative response. Something would happen, or nothing would happen. At that point, it was a 50% chance of either outcome. But if I played it “smart” like I usually do, then there was a 100% chance that nothing would happen. There would be no repercussions, and life would continue as it had before. No risk=No reward, so in the end I regret nothing. I'm not going to beat myself up over this(for much longer). If I had to do it all over again, I might have been more aggressive sooner, or perhaps waited a little longer, but sooner or later I still would have acted. I would not change the action. Sometimes you have to “Squeeze all the Charmin you can while Mr. Whipple's not around.” Sometimes you have to “stick your head in the microwave and get yourself a tan”.

The future's up to you.

What are you going to do?

Dare to be Stupid.


(Sometimes. Just be smart about it....)