Poll of Randomosity Eleven

You just never know when the next Poll of Randomosity will strike! Let's get right into my ELEVENTH batch of TEN random inquiries:

1) How much is too much communication when expressing or maintaining your interest in another person?

2) Do you ever find yourself mentally mashing up the lyrics to Billie Jean and the Diff'rent Strokes theme song?

3) Can you touch your toes?

4) Will Claire getting a girlfriend on Heroes boost ratings?

5) Do I know the meaning of the word “rhetorical”?

6) What would you do if you smelled smoke outside but couldn't determine the source?

7) What is the strangest porn spoof you've ever heard of?

8) Is it good to speak your mind?

9) Would you rather be hit with a nuke or a biological weapon?

10) Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?

For me, the answers are:

1) While I was running in the gym, a couple of young ladies got on the treadmills next to me. I couldn't turn to look without flying off the machine, but their voices and notions put them in their late teens or early twenties. One was telling the other about her breakup, while the other supported the decision. “If a guy is interested, he should show you by pursuing you. He should be texting you fifty times a day and constantly trying to contact you.” I very nearly chimed in with a “Disagree” but held my tongue. I don't know if it's a generational thing because they were younger, or a social thing because I'm part of the geek caste, but to me “fifty” messages would reek of anything from desperation to stalking. If you're too eager or smothering, you drive them away, at least in my experience. I held my tongue also because, being single and 34, I'm well aware that I'm not an expert in the relationship department. The girl who'd just dumped her boyfriend because of his apparent lack of interest agreed with her friend, but then offered the conditional notion that she had to like a guy to begin with, otherwise it wouldn't make a difference how often he wrote or called. So ultimately, if you're among the undesirables of this world, overcommunication definitely isn't the answer. Again, by their voices they sounded young, so they might not have made that transition we all make as we get older, from wanting attention to wanting space.

2) “People always told me be careful of what you do, And don't go around breaking young girls' hearts, What might be right for you, May not be right for some, eyyhey, Billie Jean is not my lover...” I'm guessing this one is just me.

3) Yes I can! I'm getting better at stretching as I continue to run five miles every day. It just gets easier.

4) I think the internet is going to break after that episode airs.

5) Does that last question make you doubt that I do?

6) I checked the stove, I checked the basement, and I went from window to window sniffing the air. It's pitch black outside so I don't think there's a fire in the woods behind our house, though I heard a firecracker or two. I do hear voices in the neighbor's backyard so I think they have a fire pit going. If I should burn and this is my last post, I'm sure one of my friends will fill you in with a comment.

7) This is a bit of a risqué question. Editing myself as best as I can and leaving the rest to the imagination, I remember a trip to Manhattan when I was in high school in the ate ‘80s, at a time before Rudy had really cleaned the place up. In a hole-in-the-wall video store off 42nd street, my friends and I did our best to be inconspicuous, until I bumped into a display of “Edward P***shands” VHS cassettes and knocked them all down, getting us instantly noticed and thrown out. That was the strangest porn spoof I'd ever heard of, up until recently when a friend pointed out Ron Jeremy made a Super Mario Bros. based film and a sequel. I can't make that stuff up, a problem others clearly lack.

8) My mother always said it was better to remain silent and be thought a fool than open my mouth and remove all doubt. Sometimes I envy people who just say what's on their mind, but there are definitely things that should stay in people's heads. After one of my trademark lunch walks last week in 80 degree weather, I was sweating a little when I got back to the office. I was in the men's room trying the old runner's trick of running cold water on my wrists to slow my heart rate and cool down, when one of the old Italian guys in the office walked in. “What happened to your back?” he said, not mixing words. “Oh...I was walking outside...” I replied self-consciously, wondering just how wet my shirt must have been. “Is it dat hot out dere?” he asked, not letting the topic go. It took me another minute or two to get out of that conversation.

9) Ghastly question to be sure, but a nuke would offer instantaneous vaporization and less suffering. And if I wasn't killed by the initial blast, it turns out there are a few things I can do to increase my odds of survival. These are scary times, as that video certainly underscores, but it's best to be aware and prepared realistically, and not with dated notions like “duck and cover”.

10) I don't know but I wish I did; that b**** owe me money.

And you, my learned readers? Where do you stand on these inquiries?