Whoring

SwanShadow makes a good point: ”...what ‘service' could anyone possibly provide in an hour that's worth $5,500?” He is of course referring to the recent scandal in which New York governor Eliot Spitzer was caught transferring exorbitant amounts of money to a prostitution ring, and subsequently resigned. While classy enough to avoid an obvious pun like ”Spitzer swallows”, SwanShadow did go on to compare the hourly rate to the cost of a down payment on a house. Considering the fact that an average down payment in New York would probably be closer to $80,000, I'm wondering what else is wrong with my favorite state. We pay a lot for houses and our politicians pay a lot of money for prostitutes. Maybe her nipples dispensed beer or something. Maybe he doesn't know how to use the internet. Maybe his wife is a man. I could speculate all day what would drive a man to spend that kind of money on sex.

There are other ways of whoring though and, geek that I am, Smallville of course comes to mind. The mysteriously long-running series is no stranger to product placement. In the beginning it was subtle, and CDs of various musicians featured in the background of each episode would be promoted at the end. Pretty much every drama on the same network followed this practice. Over time, the young Clark Kent finished high school and mysteriously remained on a farm instead of going to college to study journalism and eventually develop his superhero alter-ego. It's been seven years, and even though about a half-dozen other superheroes have shown up and tried motivating him to leave the farm and help the rest of the world, the show has an audience and they're stretching as much as they can. I still watch faithfully for some reason, often to marvel at how bad it gets, but occasionally to catch the two or three amazing episodes each season. There are still a few. Obviously I'm not the only one watching, and whether the rest of the audience watches for the same reason, their numbers keep the show on the air.

I'm not sure when the product placement became so blatant. I remember a Prius playing a prominent role in one episode a few seasons ago, to the point that characters were not only referring to it by name, but admiring specific qualities like a roomy glove compartment. In an age where people record shows and fast forward commercials, or watch online and avoid the ads almost entirely, advertisers need to integrate themselves into the entertainment portion, like stickers on a car at a NASCAR event. I wonder how long before Clark sports an outfit like Captain Amazing's.

In this week's latest bit of advertainment, we're treated to the long overdue return of Clark's best friend, Pete Ross. When last we saw Sam Jones III, his parents were divorcing and he was leaving town with his mother. As the only one who knew Clark's extraterrestrial origins and special abilities outside of Clark's adoptive parents, Pete realized he'd be in constant danger. Imagine his surprise to find out that, at this point, half the cast knows the big “secret”.

We catch up with Pete working as a roadie for One Republic, who perform not once but twice in the course of the episode. Both concerts are held in an “abandoned gum factory” for some reason, and after helping himself to some Stride Gum, laced with Kryptonite, Pete gains the ability to stretch his body. The rest of the episode is irrelevant, a reunion with a formerly marginalized old friend taking a back seat to sledgehammer dialogue and jokes like “why did they have to make the flavor last so long?” To make matters worse, halfway through the episode there's a commercial for some comic book cross promotion between the gum and the show, and they use a clip of Pete with his arm in a cast, flashing a smile and a pack of gum which he declares, “Kryptonite Free!” Thanks for spoiling the ending a half hour early, Smallville. Maybe they were afraid people wouldn't make it that far. I'm surprised I did. It didn't cost me $5,500, but I think I did lose a bit of dignity.