Phantasmic Links 1.14.08

There are so many things in this world I wish I was better at, things I need to be better at. I can be very patient and diplomatic with most people, but that facade tends to crumble with my parents. I try to honor both of them, but I don't know what to do when they disagree on something. On Saturday, I was helping my dad clean the gutters. He'd already lugged half of an extending ladder outside while I slept, which to me is the part he needs me for the most. We have a flat roof and the walls extend above it, with only four points for water to escape. Leaves collect in at least two to three of these spots depending on the wind, so from time to time I need to go up there and take care of the problem manually. Ironically, though I once climbed out on a second story window ledge in the fourth grade, I'm not a fan of heights.

Still, I manage, and as long as I know my dad is down there holding the ladder and I don't look down, I can focus on my responsibility. No, the problem arose after we finished the gutters and my dad asked me to help him bring up the other half of the ladder to cut some branches from the top of a cherry blossom tree on our front lawn. As we headed downstairs, my mom popped her head out and said she didn't want the tree cut, that it's best to wait until it blossoms. “If we wait for you nothing ever gets done!” said my dad, trucking onwards while I suddenly found myself in the middle. There was no way to obey one without disobeying the other. My mom knows as much about botany as my dad does about automobiles, so I recognized it as her field of expertise and asked him to wait.

Growing up, my dad was always “good cop”. I've seen him lose his temper maybe four or five times in three decades, and only once or twice was the anger directed at me. As a little boy, I'd usually be misbehaving, my mom would yell, and then he'd come home from work with a comic book for me. So it's a rare thing, and when he does get mad, it's huge and I know I've gone too far. When he finally threw down the ladder he was struggling to lift and sputtered, “I'll kill ya! I swear to Chr*st I'll kill ya'! I’ll do it! I'm 77 years old; I got nothin' to lose!” while making a throttling motion with his hands, it wasn't as funny as when Homer does it. I raced upstairs and closed the door, while crashing sounds resumed as he dragged the ladder up on his own. “You'd better help him,” sighed my mom, giving me the unanimous direction I could have used five minutes earlier.

“I don't need you,” he grumped, though it was obvious the opposite was true. We got the halves of the ladder together and worked a rope through a pulley to connect them. The two of us together were barely strong enough to stand it up, and rest it on one of the thicker branches. Call me a wuss, but I didn't like the look of it. The walls of the house are flat, so the two sides of the ladder touch it and I feel more stable. We were resting the top rung on a cylindrical branch, so the whole thing kept turning left or right as I shifted my weight.

“Where are you going? I just need you to hold the ladder; you don't know how to use a saw.” My father's son, I took that as a challenge and kept climbing, barking at him to just hold it steady. I don't like being told I can't do something any more than he does. Thirty feet up, I was still shy of the branches growing straight up, and extended my arm to reach. “You're taking too long and you're shaking like a leaf. Come down and let me do it.” I told him again to hold it steady, but he was right. I didn't like being that high, and I didn't like the way the ladder was rotating back and forth against the branch, and making a sawing motion straight up with a hacksaw while holding on to the ladder with my only free hand wasn't helping. I'm ashamed to admit I was actually trembling and couldn't stop myself.

I managed to get through one branch, though my hand cramped up a few times. I never stopped shaking, and finally had to admit defeat. I climbed down and the old man went up, making short work of three branches in the time it took me to get one. When did he learn to do that stuff, the simple basic stuff that comes with owning a home? Did he have it when he was my age, or did it come later after he got married and had a family of his own? Most importantly, when am I going to learn, and get over various paralyzing phobias that keep me from functioning at my full potential?

Oh well, at least I'm good at finding PHANTASMIC LINKS:

(1) There have been several sequels and spin-off versions of this game, but this week I found myself oddly addicted to the really basic original Gold Miner.

(2) This is awesome: One guy sings Bohemian Rhapsody as 25 (occasionally annoying) well-known singers.
Hat Tip: B13.

(3) Here's a truly epic mashup of trailers. I would pay so much money to see the feature length version.
H.T.: Sean.

(4) Behold Crystal Island, towering soon over a Moscow near you.

(5) Having problems settling differences with someone you're just not hip enough to understand? Maybe you need...The Negrotiator.
H.T.: B13.

(6) A Boy Scout foils an assassination. Maybe he should become the next Cap.

(7) How will you fare navigating the long awaited Fancy Pants Adventure World 2?. There are some tricky bonus moves and you have to be fancier than ever.

(8) Good at puzzles? Can you solve the various Picross levels and find hidden images using only numbers?

(9) This is cool: In order to clear all 16 levels of Cursor*10, you need to cooperate with your past selves. It can't be done in one try, but your actions are replayed each turn so if you held down a button for stairs to appear with your first cursor, when you go through again with a second cursor a ghost of your first one repeats that action so you can move a little further. It makes more sense when you play it, and it's a great concept.

(10) Excelcior! Check out some trippy re-interpretations of Stan Lee's Marvel-ous creations!
H.T.: Lyndon.

(11) Tremble, ye scoundrels, against the might of the Steampunk Justice League.
H.T.: Curt.

(12) Finally, don't forget to continue supporting Myclofigia! Your clicks make our city grow!

Have a link to a game, movie, article, or anything else you think might be “phantasmic”? E-mail me and it just might appear in an upcoming PHANTASMIC LINKS!