That Would Suck

I watched Idiocracy on Thursday night. Wow. This Mike Judge science fiction satire stars Luke Wilson as a man who, frozen in the present, wakes up 500 years from now to a very different world. The scary thing is how probable a future he paints. Intelligence is mocked and discouraged. Dumb kids outnumber and over power the smart ones. Branding dictates major decisions. “Reality” television surpasses intelligent dramas and comedies, and game shows of intellectual skill are forgotten in the wake of shows where people eat insects or perform dangerous stunts. Can it be true that ”only stupid people are breeding”? 500 years beyond our reality, simple tasks are automated by malfunctioning machines, layoffs are handled by computers, and a sports drink has replaced water as sustenance for people as well as plants. I think it's generous of Judge to say this world is 500 years away; it seems a lot closer than that. If it became a reality, That Would Suck.

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Walking in the park on Sunday, I noticed a family walking up a hill leading to a large pond. A middle-aged woman was pushing an elderly woman in a wheelchair, who had her hand to her forehead and looked extremely distraught and disoriented. The younger woman kept repeating, “It's okay ma. Mom, are you all right? It's ok maaaa...” I didn't take notice of the rest of their group until I was almost past them. Trailing behind, another woman was carrying a small pillow and a purse, which were both dripping large quantities of water. I'm not sure if my math was correct, but wheelchair + hill + pond + head injury + wet belongings = she rolled into the pond. I hope my calculations were off, because That Would Suck.

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A friend of mine finds the time to read in a busy schedule by listening to books on CD during his commute. When he picked up Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, which cost more than twice what the book did, I asked him if there were any celebrities reading. He didn't know, but said sometimes that is the case, and can explain a higher cost. You have to pay an actor to sit in a studio and read. But what if he got home and discovered the conclusion to this great saga was read by someone like Gilbert Gottfried? Could you imagine the horror of popping in that disk and hearing a shrill voice proclaim, “Hey! Er mai oh KNEE!”? In a moment of confusion for the actor, one might even hear, “Look out, Aladdin! I mean, Harry! Expecto, AFLAAAC!” That Would Suck.