Fat Penguin; Sad Pigeon

About a month ago, a buddy of mine taught me a great line to use on girls in bars or at parties. It's a little corny, but harmless and more likely to get a smile than other clichés. You walk up to her, smile, and say “Fat Penguin”. When she questions that, you go on to explain you needed an “ice breaker”.

I told you it was corny.

Now that I've gotten your attention(or lost you completely), we can move on to other tales. Thursday morning proved far more uneventful than Wednesday's ordeal. I got to work with little difficulty, and didn't encounter a problem until I reached my parking lot. Due to flooding damage, one of our buildings was closed, so a lot of my coworkers were parked in the lot I normally use. The best spot I found had an SUV(of course) parked with both of its right tires firmly over the line. Still, my car is pretty small and I thought I could fit in the angled spot anyway.

I bring it on myself. Once in the spot, I wasn't comfortable having an inch between vehicles. When people pull that crap and take up more than one space, I don't mind climbing out the passenger side. But in most cases, there's still room for the offending car on the left to back out. I was so close, I knew I'd lose my mirror when they left.

I backed out, keeping my hand between my mirror and the car. Somehow, I was getting closer, so I pulled up. With each cut of the wheel, no matter what I did I got closer and closer. I was trapped. At one point I pulled forward over the curb and on to the grass divide, to get more room to maneuver. I grew frustrated, and afraid.

Salvation came in the form of a woman in my rearview mirror, shaking her head in disbelief and disapproval. I didn't recognize her, and since she was leaving its possible she had gone to the doctor's office across the street, given the direction she came from. People who don't work with us aren't supposed to park there, but this time it proved a good thing. She got into the car on my right and left, leaving me plenty of room to back out and swing wide enough to get away from the SUV. Once free, I took the spot she was in. When I came outside at lunch, I noticed no one had tried to park in the space between.

After a fairly interesting day in which a lot of stuff happened, I headed home. Along the way, I noticed a little pigeon waddling across the street, in front of oncoming traffic. I saw a car slow down, but the little fellow kept walking. My dad always tells me “keep going; they'll fly away,” but I never chance it. Sure enough, this wacky bird kept walking. He clear the car's left front tire, and my hand flew to my mouth in horror as the car rolled over him and he tumbled underneath.

In my rearview mirror, I saw the driver slow to a near stop. In the street behind him, the pigeon had actually rolled back onto his feet, and was still making his way to the other side. With people behind me, I couldn't linger long, but I saw him waddle up on to the shoulder.

Was he injured? Perhaps he was sad and had a death wish. I don't know why he didn't fly. It was a comical sight to see, since he didn't seem to be hurt, and hopefully he'll be more careful in the future. Cheer up, sad pigeon. I know all to well the perils of vehicles. There are good things in life too. The next time you're perched on a statue with some girl pigeons, try that “fat penguin” line. I bet that avian humor will work better for you than for us human beings.