MCF Returns.

It feels as though I’ve been gone from the ‘sphere as well as my home, but here I am at home on my own computer at long last after staying with a friend in need. In some ways, coming home tonight made this entire week feel like one long day, that I only left this morning, even though “this morning” was in fact Monday.

I commuted to college. I’ve only been on 3 or 4 camping trips with friends, no longer than a weekend or so. When my girlfriend moved to Massachusetts, I’d crash there before driving home the next day, and when a buddy of mine lived in Manhattan I’d stay on the occasional Saturday when karaoke lasted well beyond the Long Island railroad’s limited evening service to where I live. These last four nights may well be the longest I’ve slept in an unfamiliar place in 31 years, and I realize how lame that sounds.

My house seems smaller, as do my parents. My mom gave me a big hug when I came in, and a little while ago wouldn’t stop talking, even though she was telling me things she told me on the phone two days ago. I understand that she missed talking to me, that my dad is hard of hearing, but I didn’t need to hear that he burned a sweet potato or was obsessed with a jigsaw puzzle more than once, especially when I had tons of places to visit and comment on here. I’m used to my own keyboard, as cool as my friend’s laptop was, and i navigate and compose far more intuitively. At work, I just concentrated on getting stuff done during the day so I wasn’t there too late since I had to drive someone home at a normal hour. There just wasn’t room for too much surfing, although there was the occasional regression.

My bed feels tiny. I’m not that tall, and though I remember my feet sticking out at the end of the mattress I don’t remember it being this bad. I got spoiled with a bigger bed. The clutter and dust are encroaching on me now as well. After staying in immaculate surroundings, especially in an apartment that normally has two small children in it, this place is just embarrassing. Cleaning and throwing things out will be a huge and emotionally taxing undertaking, but it’s one I think I need to tackle, even if its just a little bit at a time.

The big question is, will this brief experience away from home be the catalyst that finally gets me to move out? Even with money saved, real estate is a daunting and life-changing entity in my path. On the other hand, like an animal that grows only as large as his cage, after a prolonged period outside of my self-imposed prison, I feel somehow larger. I’m definitely in the thinking stages right now, although I’ve been here before, gotten discouraged, and shrunk back to my safe corner. There’s also my parents to consider and, if I do leave, I need to be far enough away to be free but close enough to take care of the heavy work around their house.

There’s a whole world outside my room, though I won’t be venturing too far into it in the next few weeks. Tomorrow I’m trying indoor paintball for the first time, “speedball”, which I understand is quite fast, and more painful than playing out in large wooded areas. Wish me luck. After that, it’s time to finish my Christmas shopping, time to buckle down and try to get my work done within normal business hours(since I discovered so many more hours in the day this week in both getting to work and leaving on time), and finally wrapping and tree trimming.

One thing is certain, one thing I can assure you, is that whatever I ultimately decide, wherever I go, here is where I will be found.