Breathing Underwater

”And in the darkest hour, there will be a light.”—Optimus Primal

What a gloomy day. It's a Monday. It's pouring out. There were floods everywhere. A napkin that blew out of my hands when I got to work this morning apparently landed on the hood of my car, to be discovered at lunch as a mass of pulp. I came home to find buckets in the kitchen and the lights out as my parents called from the dining room to say we were having dinner in there tonight. Water was coming in the light fixture and from the edge of the skylight, where the saturated sheetrock ceiling had grown several “nipples”. As usual, I worked late and didn't get down to the gym until after 7PM. It seems impossible to keep up with all my assignments, especially with days like tomorrow, in which the majority of my time will be spent away from my desk in meetings.

There are moments during times like these, bright spots that no doubt are brighter for all the shadows around them. At some point this evening, maybe around six, I rolled my chair back and looked at what I'd done. It's rare these days that I admire my work, or even remember why I got in to this field. I thought being an artist would mean creating beautiful things for myself and others to admire. That's not the case, and at times I feel as though I'm working on an assembly line, putting pieces in place and moving on to the next project. I rarely stop, take a breath, and LOOK. But tonight I had a moment, two or three in fact, in which I looked at the page on the screen and thought, “Wow, that doesn't look half bad.” Pride can be dangerous, but it's good to feel good and have confidence about something you've created now and then. I certainly have a lot more confidence in my abilities than I did ten years ago.

“Wow, that doesn't look half bad.” It's great to have a reminder like that, that THIS is why I do what I do. Drove home in the rain, but it didn't matter. Still had a pile of work left unfinished, but I knew it would get done on time. Water fell on me in the kitchen, an unexpected cold drop running down my back. It wasn't the first time that happened, simply the first time it happened indoors. It didn't matter. My new Red Dwarf DVD's had FINALLY arrived. The box they came in was beat-up, but they were intact. After dinner and a great hour of thrills and necessary suspension of disbelief, I'm now ready to settle in for some sci fi laughs.

Pop quiz:

1) What do you do for a living?
2) Is it what you thought it would be?
3) If it isn't, do you ever have moments where you realize you're doing something you like and are good at?