In the Core Sitcom Universe

Much as I'd love to jump on the Core Marvel Universe meme, I think it would be lost on most of my readers and, more importantly, the article and subsequent comments pretty thoroughly covered all that is both silly and awesome about the Marvel Universe. In defending a recent storyline in which The Punisher was killed and dismembered by Wolverine's son only to be stitched back together and resurrected by Morbius the Living Vampire to join a team of monsters, Chris Sims summed up various other plotlines in the history of Marvel that fans have accepted and even embraced. If you were ever a comic book fan, particularly Marvel, give it a read; you'll appreciate the summaries and references as much as I did.

Just as the comic book community can accept things like radiation giving people(or their mutant offspring) super powers, so too do television viewers suspend disbelief in the name of entertainment. It always cracks me up when some work of fiction is criticized for being too unrealistic. I could probably repeat this exercise for drama, and even (especially?) “reality” television, but for today I'm just going to focus on the sitcoms we know and love. See if you recognize some of these, then click each description to see if you're correct:

IN THE CORE SITCOM UNIVERSE, a single woman took in a humanoid alien with strange powers who arrived in a giant egg and had a penchant for wearing rainbow suspenders with a striped shirt. He frequently reported his findings about the human race back to his leader on the home world, and eventually developed a romantic relationship with the woman, even fathering a child who hatched from an egg and, due to having a backwards-aging extraterrestrial physiology, looked like an older, balding comedian.

IN THE CORE SITCOM UNIVERSE, a scientist successfully passed off a robot he built as his 10-year-old daughter, despite the fact that she spoke in halting, mechanical tones and was always on the verge of destroying the annoying little girl who lived next door.

IN THE CORE SITCOM UNIVERSE, a man fools two different landlords into thinking he's gay so he can share an apartment with two women, a brunette and three different blondes.

IN THE CORE SITCOM UNIVERSE, an astronaut crashes his capsule near a deserted island, where he finds a bottle with a 2000-year-old woman inside. Possessing the power to grant wishes, she embraces her new master, with whom she has fallen completely in love.

IN THE CORE SITCOM UNIVERSE, a diminutive African-American orphan is adopted by a retired Greek football player. After the boy burns down the family's apartment in an attempt to use a chemistry set to make a rocket for his teddy bear, they relocate to a mansion filled with secret passages hidden behind clocks and bookcases.

IN THE CORE SITCOM UNIVERSE, a psychologist dreams about being an innkeeper for 13 years surrounded by odd characters, including a hillbilly with two identically-named brothers, until his dream self is struck with a golf ball and he wakes up.

IN THE CORE SITCOM UNIVERSE, a middle-aged San Francisco cartoonist works from home while wearing a hand-puppet of a cow, in a two-family house in which his two daughters resided downstairs. His main antagonist would be his daughter's closeted homosexual friend, although after fathering a son he would also have to deal with his mother-in-law moving in to help out.

IN THE CORE SITCOM UNIVERSE, a man tells his two children a long and rambling story about how their parents got together, which includes more than five years of stories about every misadventure and relationship he and his four closest friends had, but sparse details about his children's mother.

IN THE CORE SITCOM UNIVERSE, a neat freak and a slob become unlikely roommates when their wives leave them.

IN THE CORE SITCOM UNIVERSE, an African-American neat freak and an African-American slob become unlikely roommates when their wives leave them.

IN THE CORE SITCOM UNIVERSE, a ‘50s rebel with a leather jacket and a motorcycle lives in an apartment over the garage of a wholesome, traditional family, and serves as the chief advisor and role model to all the kids in the community as he seduces women by turning on a jukebox with his fist.

IN THE CORE SITCOM UNIVERSE, a verbose mailman and an overweight, unemployed alcoholic live vicariously through their bartender, a retired baseball player who can have almost any woman he wants, while spending time with another less-intelligent bartender, an abrasive barmaid, and a renowned psychiatrist, among others.

IN THE CORE SITCOM UNIVERSE, footage for an unspecified documentary includes not just the day-to-day experiences of the socially inept manager of a paper company branch office, but the personal lives of himself and his employees, which include road trips, parties, weddings, and more.

IN THE CORE SITCOM UNIVERSE, a man's distant Mediterranean sheepherder cousin shows up and moves into his apartment. The unlikely duo clash on many occasions, but also form the perfect team, as they teach each other about life and America. Eventually they get jobs at a local newspaper, marry gorgeous blonde stewardesses and become fathers.

IN THE CORE SITCOM UNIVERSE, a Canadian works from home on Long Island as a psychiatrist while his wife goes back to work as a reporter, and he deals with future born-again Christian son whose best friend's nickname is “Boner”, an anorexic daughter, and a wisecracking younger son who will eventually fade back into obscurity. The family would later add a new daughter as well as a homeless teen played by a yet-to-be big movie star.

IN THE CORE SITCOM UNIVERSE, Tony Danza.

Feel free to expand upon these or add your own in the comments section!