After the credits...

I always feel a little guilty when I take a vacation day and don't actually have anything planned. If I'm not doing work around the house, or playing a musical gig, or doing something to keep my mind off of the office I tend to think about all the work I should be doing, piling up untouched. The key to a good vacation day is to have something planned, because if I simply sleep late or surf the internet I feel like I'm just wasting time. I need distractions. I had already gone on a major trek for photographs this past Sunday, and I had taken the day off on Monday. There was no reason for me not to be at my desk except for the fact that I have vacation days to use, lest I lose them, something I try not to do each year but don't always succeed. So I took advantage and decided to catch a matinee of Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. I'm not going to give a detailed review of it, but I will say that it was unequivocally the BEST movie I've seen this year. Actually, I should say best NEW movie since films I've seen this year include Philadelphia, On the Waterfront, Deliverance and Spartacus. The new Pirates film earned its place in the pantheon of superior second chapters of trilogies, right up there with The Two Towers and Empire. That's right, EMPIRE. It was everything a Summer movie should be and more, and I can't wait for the next one.

As I always do, I remained through the credits. My earliest recollection of additional footage during the end of a film would be Lethal Weapon 3 when another building explodes. I'm certain there were earlier examples, but that's always the first one that comes to mind. It's fairly common these days for footage to continue into the first part of the credits, or for something to happen about half way through. I make sure I stay, because I'd rather not hear about it secondhand. Oddly enough, I'm still in the minority. Sometimes there are only two or three other people in the theater. Often I'm alone. The staff meanwhile wastes no time, and the second names start scrolling they're strolling up and down each aisle with a broom. I'll walk down and stand to the side, to stay out of their way, because I know they have to have the place clean before the next show. I stay, and sometimes get something weak like the extra sequence at the end of Daredevil or something kind of cool like the bonus scene at the very end of X3. Certain movies lend themselves to the bonus scene more than others, and comedies like Airplane! are more notorious for them than serious movies. [I knew I'd think of an earlier example than Lethal Weapon 3.] When an action or adventure film does include a scene after the credits, it often pays off as the crucial fate of one of the characters. Masters of the Universe had a particularly startling scene with the main villain. And as for the latest Pirates movie, I'll just say that like X3 you do learn the fate of one of the ensemble if you wait until the VERY end, and leave it at that.

Most major religions deal with the notion of an afterlife. If our lives are movies, then what happens after we die are those bonus scenes. We're all working toward a great payoff, but there's no reason the movie itself shouldn't be good. When I left the theater, the sky was clear and blue and the weather warm but dry, and I knew in an instant that I was glad to NOT be in an office at that moment, especially given the exotic and breathtaking locales of the film I'd just watched. After stopping to buy a new pair of sneakers, I headed to a local park. Why go home and sit in front of a computer? How would that be different than work? How would my life as a movie be of any interest to me? I went for a long walk, enjoying the fresh air and simply being alive. During one of these “life is good” moments, I heard an engine on the paved footpath behind me. I turned and, upon seeing a large car bearing down on me, leapt to the right like a Glen Larson character. I pondered the odds of a car on a pedestrian pathway as I watched him come to a halt just shy of a baseball field. He backed the car up and turned, and amid the cloud of dust he kicked up I had scant seconds to think, “Wait, he's not--” before he was coming right for me! I headed for some trees and picnic tables to the left, where an elderly couple enjoyed a quiet lunch. The driver roared past. I wondered what was going on. This time, he looked around, and drove over a patch of grass to get in to the parking field. I wasn't a target after all, simply in the wrong place at the wrong time, and he may not have even noticed me. When I got a little further down the path I saw the car in a parking space with the hood up and the driver working on it. He barely glanced up. Someday my character will be written out of my movie and on that day, I'll be waiting to see what happens to me, after the credits. In the meantime, I can't say it's a boring movie.