Juxtaposed from Joyrides

While tonight's post contains random anecdotes from my recent driving excursions, it absolutely positively is not a rip-off of Kelly's Random from Commute series. Honest. Of course, she may dispute that claim, in which case I'll need a diversion, such as pointing out that Jitterbugjowls called her Kettlebottom.

I'm not even going to dig through my archives to find links to posts about my dizzy spells which I now believe were anxiety attacks. It's annoying to me that I let myself become so restricted for five or six months of my life after a minor scare on a treadmill followed by having to pull over and call my parents to come get me. It's annoying how many doctors I visited and annoying that I feel a distrust toward doctors now while at the same time thinking I've lost credibility with them the next time I really have a problem. I imagine it was annoying reading about it too. I'm just glad I've put it behind me and any time I get that sensation in the car I'm able to tune it out and keep driving. Driving is slowly becoming a pleasure for me again, and I've been making a point to drive places other than work every chance I get. As the days grow longer I'm motivated to get out of work earlier, so I can get down to the gym earlier, so I can leave before 7 and get to see the sun. I take long drives along the shore which is a slight detour from my normal commute, but I've witnessed some truly breathtaking sunsets over the water. If I wasn't driving down an insanely steep hill with a hairpin turn at the bottom I'd be tempted to snap a photo one of these days. My aunts told my parents how impressed they were that I stayed calm in adverse traffic conditions. It's damn good to be back.

I've only had one speeding ticket in my life, and I got it early last year in the rich town where my company is located and where unmarked cars lurk on side streets to nab offenders who break the nigh impossible 30MPH speed limit. It takes a conscious effort, but I manage to keep in the 30s now though people pass me. One morning last week a regular cop car turned on its lights and peeled out of a side street as I drove past. My eye darted to the needle and I saw i was just under 40. Nevertheless, I slowed down by letting off the gas(never show them brake lights) and hoped he'd get the car in the right lane that passed me. As the other car pulled over, the police vehicle soared between both of us and disappeared down the road to whatever emergency called it. It's mornings like that when I don't miss caffeine.

One of the streets I take home has various signs posted in lawns for politicians. Last week I passed an island with a bunch of preteen kids holding signs for some candidate, who probably was the father of one of them. They ran at my car and one kid made a devil face, stuck out his tongue, and screamed at my car, effectively ending his father's political career. Tonight as I drove down that same road I passed a slew of small signs on a lawn. They all said “VOTE YES” in big letters and something else smaller that I was going by too fast to read. The last thing I passed along that stretch was a large piece of cardboard tied to a tree, upon which “VOTE NO” was written in black marker much larger. I laughed out loud, and thought how simply and brilliantly effective that was. I still don't know what the bill was but I imagine I could have agreed with it and still voted “no” just out of respect for the joke.

Rubbernecking is so stupid. WHY must everyone slow down to look at someone else's misfortune? I thought there was an accident or construction tonight when traffic suddenly slowed to a crawl. Eventually I saw a cop car up ahead, and when I got closer I saw that four were parked in a gas station. A few cops were talking to the owner and I guess maybe there had been a robbery or a bomb threat or something. The second I was past this gas station traffic was moving normally, so apparently everyone slowed down when they saw this to provide a getaway car when their stupidity got them car jacked, or to be blown up when the bomb went off. Idiots.

My last random commute--I mean, juxtaposed joyride--tale, comes not from reality but from a dream I had the other night. Dreams are a weird blend of elements from reality, and this one was a doozy. In reality, Rey would never let me have shotgun in his car if there were more than two people including himself. Apparently I gave him bad directions once or some other incident that's been lost over the years and became less important than a good running joke. He would also never let anyone else drive his car, and that includes Jerry. Yet in this dream on the side of the road in the neighborhood near my job, Jerry was behind the wheel and I was in the front seat. Rey was in the back adjusting the child seat and his daughter was standing on the corner like a little doll. For those who don't know Rey, leaving his children unattended is also something that would never happen in real life. He gets infuriated anytime we're in a food court and small children are wandering away from parents who aren't paying attention. This combination of three unlikely events in my dream resulted in a serious problem when Jerry suddenly floored it. The car shot down the block as I gripped the dashboard and Rey's legs were still hanging out of the back door as he shouted “WHOA! WAIT! WHOA! THE BABY!” Jerry screeched to a halt and backed up, but of course she was gone.

Dreams are weird. Rey didn't seem to concerned that his car and Jerry were gone and we were now in some house with random people moving about, calling her like someone would call a cat. “Yeah, she hides sometimes.” he assured me as he checked under bookcases and other pieces of furniture. When it started getting dark and the ghostly occupants of the house were gone as well, he began to worry and stated the obvious: “Oh man, [my wife] is gonna kill me.”

It was at this point I woke up relieved, and decided that while I may take my car on many adventures, I probably shouldn't let Jerry drive it while a baby is still on the sidewalk.