5.18.2006

50 Weird Things About MCF

We all have our idiosyncrasies, things that set us apart from other people and make us unique. Some can be scary, while others aren't as bad as we think, and in sharing them we learn we have more in common with other human beings than we realize. Taking a cue from Janet's most recent Tell it to Me Tuesday, I present 50 things I find weird about myself. Read on, if you dare...

1. My left thumb is precisely .25” shorter than my right one.

2. My thumbs resemble toes.

3. I had an ex-girlfriend frequently say I reminded her of John Cusack. I've tended to compare myself to people like Rob Schneider or Paul Giamatti. I'm honestly not sure which of us had the truer image of me.

4. I'm 31 years old and I still live with my parents.

5. I still have every homework assignment and notebook from college all the way back to kindergarten.

6. I've never traveled further North than Massachusetts, further West than Pennsylvania, further South than North Carolina, or further East than Montauk Point. I've flown precisely twice in my life.

7. Embarrassing songs I have committed to memory include but are not limited to Ice, Ice, Baby, Bohemian Rhapsody, and Nightmare on My Street.

8. Never a morning person, when I was in college I'd force myself to wake up with “inspirational” phrases like ”Time to make the donuts”, ”I am the Pumpkin King!”, or “Get up, and get moving, and change your life!” That last one was from a commercial I heard a lot growing up and the phrase was followed by “...with travel and tourism training!”.

9. It's going to bother me for days that I couldn't find a link for that last phrase in #8.

10. When I was five, I fell off a tree stump and landed on a piece of glass, splitting my lip up to my right nostril. The scar has faded over the years and save for the fact that any time I grow a mustache it will have a thin part, I don't think people notice it all that much. Nevertheless, in my mind, I think it's as bad as Ralph Fienne's hairlip in Red Dragon.

11. When I was twenty-five, I was admitted to a hospital and diagnosed with a rare intestinal birth defect known as a Meckel's Diverticulum. Doctors were baffled because this particular rare birth defect only affects 2% of the population, and is normally found in infants. Even the official paperwork on the surgery to correct the problem was labeled “exploratory”, since they didn't know what they were going to find.

12. I once memorized the entire 1984 starting lineup of Autobots.

13. I now feel compelled to list them: Bumblebee, Cliffjumper, Brawn, Gears, Windcharger, Huffer, Bluestreak, Prowl, Ironhide, Ratchet, Hound, Mirage, Jazz, Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, Trailbreaker, Wheeljack, and Optimus Prime.

14. While the Autobot Bluestreak was a silver sportscar named for his rapid manner of speaking, I secretly think of my blue Mazda 626 as “Bluestreak” when I refer to it in my head. I sometimes wish I drove a real Transformer.

15. I'm extremely competitive long after I've lost. I became a professional artist because my friends in elementary school could draw really well. I joined the company gym with friends who are no longer with our company. Rey's younger brother once called me a “n00b” for making a strategy mistake in the original incarnation of the online game Carnage Blender. I started over with a new character, and played the game for five years until the original version shut down to make way for the sequel, and my records were deleted. Meanwhile, Rey and his brother both stopped playing after a few months.

16. During my school years, I'd greet anybody and everybody I passed in the hallway with an enthusiastic “ayyyyy!” and thumbs-up, because I thought The Fonz and Nick from Family Ties were cool.

17. In my adult years, I lower my eyes and don't acknowledge people I don't know very well in the hall, unless they greet me first, so I know I have their approval to talk to them.

18. Friends tell me I have low self-esteem, but I don't always recognize when I'm being self-deprecating.

19. I have a vast knowledge of obscure actors.

20. I've lived on an island for 31 years and never learned how to swim. My high school had a huge indoor pool and we were required to take lessons. Somehow I passed, but without the life-jacket they allowed for the buoyancy-challenged, I know I would have sank.

21. In college whenever I went to a local Chinese restaurant with my friends, I'd order french fries and chicken nuggets from their American menu.

22. When I finally went to a Chinese place with my friends that didn't have American options, I asked a waiter for “Chicken with Broccoli; hold the broccoli.”

23. When I go to Chinese restaurants now, I order Sweet and Sour Chicken. Always.

24. When I dance I look like I'm having a seizure.

25. The first year I discovered Coldstone, the only flavor I ever ordered was their Oreo Overload. It took friends prodding me about never trying anything new to get me to order something different, and I eventually I tried almost all the flavors.

26. I have a strong aversion to change and trying new things, even when doing so might improve parts of my life I'm unhappy or bored with.

27. I appeared on several episodes of a New York City public access karaoke television show produced by a friend of mine. My most embarrassing moment would be the episode in which a frog hand-puppet tries to make out with a very drunk MCF passed out on a couch.

28. I and two other extreme caucasians once filmed a video of Slam at an amusement park. When my friend loaned me the only existing tape, I showed it to all my college friends before returning it to him.

29. I'll often allow myself to be the object of ridicule to entertain or amuse those around me. Teachers in elementary school used to say I craved any attention, even negative.

30. In third grade we had a fun movie project in which we drew on translucent film. I had an audio cassette to accompany my film, complete with sound effects. Unfortunately I left it unattended, and when I returned to class and the teacher showed the film, the cassette cut in halfway through to my entire class uproariously laughing, something they all recorded while I was out of the room. The weird thing is, I still have that tape...

31. I consistently mispronounce the word “monster”, thanks to The Munsters

32. On weekends I play in Italian festival bands and fire department bands, mostly with guys my dad's age.

33. Public restrooms: okay for #1; never for #2.

34. When I would fantasize about a girl I had a crush on in school, I'd usually save them from robbers or supervillains and end up in the hospital with the girl sitting at my bedside waiting for me to recover, because I thought that was the only way they'd talk to me. Getting trapped with them in an elevator or a cave-in were also popular daydreams.

35. I don't see the appeal of Julia Roberts.

36. During the eight years that I seriously collected comic books in high school and college, I amassed over 4,000 issues. There was a time in my life when I could sadly cite in which issue number various plot developments occurred.

37. I don't like valet parking. It's not that I mind tipping, or have a nice car that I'm worried about getting damaged. I just feel guilty having someone else do something I'm perfectly capable of doing myself.

38. If corn and mashed potatoes are on my plate, I will combine them before consuming them.

39. I like bacon and sausage, but not ham.

40. I didn't eat lettuce until I was 21.

41. I wash clean dishes before I put food on them, but rarely dust in my room.

42. My fourth grade music teacher made me remove toilet paper by hand after I flushed an entire roll and clogged the toilet in our classroom, just to see what would happen. Fortunately, paper was all I'd fed the bowl that day. As I got older I learned not to conduct such experiments.

43. In real life, I'm a man of very few words, and I write far more than I speak.

44. I once thought, without question or doubt, that Eddie Vedder sang about a ”glorified version of a pelican.” A friend of mine thought the lyrics were “glorified version of Elliot Gould though, so maybe I wasn't alone in misunderstanding.

45. I'm afraid of dogs and when I was a kid walking the ”dogless route” home, I'd sometimes mistake the jangling of keys in my own pocket for a bell on a dog collar and start running.

46. With all the movies I missed over the years, I made some interesting choices with the ones I did see in theaters. For example, I didn't think Cabin Boy was all that bad, and I loved The Cable Guy.

47. I have big ears and a disproportionately large head.

48. I don't always swing both arms when I walk. When with a group, my friends have observed that whichever arm is at greater risk of accidental contact with a guy friend will remain motionless, while the arm on the outside moves freely.

49. I sometimes do 10 times more work than required.

50. I'm a blogger.

15 Comments:

Blogger Darrell said...

#5: fire hazard!

#7: There is NOTHING embarrassing about Bohemian Rhapsody!

#10: Don't worry about it. I've heard women say that Joaquin Phoenix's scar is sexy.

#17: There needs to be a word invented for the workplace which means "You and I work together, I've already said hello to you this morning, and now here you are again."

#24: You're white. Get used to it.

#35: AMEN, BROTHER! The woman looks like a carp.

#44: In the Ben Folds song "Kate," he sings the line "her mix tape's a masterpiece." Someone who will remain nameless who I happen to be married to thought that he was singing "she makes tapes and masturbates."

#45: I enthusiastically encourage you to get over this fear. A dog is the best non-human friend a person can have. The upsides of dog ownership include playing frisbee and tennis ball fetch, wrestling, going for walks, lounging in the back yard, and laying around together on the couch in the evening. The only real downside is occasionally having to witness coprophagia.

#46: I can top both of those. I saw Trapped In Paradise in the theater.

Fun post! Hope you don't mind all the uninvited conversation on my part.

5/18/2006 11:02 AM  
Blogger Scott Roche said...

51. And a darn good hpotog.

5/18/2006 11:52 AM  
Blogger Scott Roche said...

that should be photog.

5/18/2006 11:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OK - like most of my comments, this is meant tongue in cheek, so relax...

But do you really think Julia Roberts is concerned with the "31 y/o still living with parents and measuring their thumbs" crowd?

5/18/2006 2:08 PM  
Blogger Kelly said...

Dude, your not trying various produce/vegetables until a late age is really freaking me out. No tomatoes until your late teens and no LETTUCE until you were 21?! Why?

#33 is also leaving all kinds of questions in my mind, but those are probably better left unasked.

#46 - No one can top me on this. I saw The Avengers in the theater. And kinda liked it!

5/18/2006 2:56 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ah.

5/18/2006 4:52 PM  
Blogger Darrell said...

Rey: Saw Titanic. In the theater. Thrice. Cried each time.

Gotcha beat, pal. SEVEN times in the theater. And cried isn't the word. BAWLED is the word. I bawled like a baby. All. Seven. Times.

Why in the sacred name of Paul Lynde and I admitting this in public?

5/18/2006 6:50 PM  
Blogger MCF said...

I liked the Avengers quite a bit myself, and saw it in theaters. I'm pretty sure Cabin Boy is far more universally panned.

There's no shame in crying at Titanic. They just keep piling it on toward the end. By the time we got to my girlfriend's car I turned into a blubbering mess and she had to comfort me. There may be shame in seeing it that many times though...

That carp comparison is hilarious. I never even noticed Joaquin Phoenix had a scar. It took some searching to find pictures--in some I think they airbrushed it out. I have something similar, but further to the right.

5/18/2006 9:55 PM  
Blogger kevbayer said...

Wait- that carp looks like Gena Davis!

Also... Great list! I may have to try my hand at it, divided by 10.

Oh, and the thumb thing? Why do you know this? I've heard of guys, uh... measuring, but thumbs?

Also, nothing wrong with knowing the word to Bohemian Rhapsody. I do to, and many other Queen songs to boot - in fact, after watching Ace's performance of "We will rock you" on American Idol, I turned to Rubi and said "he got the words wrong."
#12 and 13 - You rock! Bumblebee, Cliffjumper, and Windcharger rock!

#17, yeah, me too usually.

#22 - try it with the broccoli - you'd be surprised. I abhor broccoli (actually, any vegetable) and really like Oreintal Chicken and Broccoli.

#24 - at least you dance.

5/18/2006 10:34 PM  
Blogger Lorna said...

About #3: I've never seen any of those guys in a cloak or a mask, but I'll take the word of your non-virtual friends.
About # 19: At first I was thrilled that I knew most of the names on your list of obscure actors, then I remembered that this is 50 WEIRD things about you...
About # 43: God bless you

5/19/2006 12:11 AM  
Blogger Kelly said...

What are you smoking, MCF? On imdb Cabin boy got a 4.4 user rating, The Avengers got a 3.3. On rotten tomatoes CB got a 43% fresh rating, TA got a 15%. There is no doubt that the latter is the more panned movie.

Darrell: That is some scary stuff. I saw it three times but that pales in light of your confession.

5/19/2006 6:40 AM  
Blogger Darrell said...

Rey: Crikey Darrell. You win, dude.oh man, you win.

Kelly: Darrell: That is some scary stuff. I saw it three times but that pales in light of your confession.

Alright, I feel the need to elaborate a bit on this. Not so I'll seem less weird. I may, in fact, seem weirder because of my explanation... but at least I'll be weird for the right reasons.

I've had a life-long fascination with Titanic (the Ship, not the movie... and by the way, it's properly called "Titanic" and not "THE Titanic"). I've been fascinated with it since I was a kid. As is the case with many things in my life, it was because of a comic book. I saw a one-off about Titanic when I was young and there was a one-page panel that will stay in my mind forever. That one page was of women, men and children in lifeboats crying and shivering... and Titanic, in silhouette, going under in the background. Well drawn and well inked. I can shut my eyes and see it now.

I had read and learned quite a bit about Titanic before the James Cameron movie came out. I have a few documentaries about the ship and it's wreck that I'd ordered from Discovery channel and from National Geographic, etc. The ship's wreck has always captivated me... the idea of all those men standing on deck, consoling their wives and children, telling them to get on the lifeboat, that it will all be OK, that they'll see them in a few hours... yet knowing in their hearts that the real truth is the exact opposite... sitting here now thinking about it almost moves me to tears.

The first time I saw James Cameron's movie I started crying about 20 minutes in, the first time you see the ship's grand staircase. Cameron rebuilt the ship to a 90% scale, and it was clearly crafted with love by someone as fascinated with the story as I am.

By the time the movie got to the point where men were putting their wives and children on the lifeboats and saying goodbye I was a blithering mess. And, yes, that scene made me cry like crazy all seven times.

Incidentally, believe it or not, I thought and have always thought that the love story between Leonardo and Kate was contrived and goofy. It was a distraction and I resented it. The real star of the film was Titanic herself... and the period costumes and the beautiful, heartbreaking score by James Horner. Combine that music with the image of all those unknown faces... each of them representative of a real person... each of them a life as real and as well-loved as any of ours... and most of them leaving everything they knew and loved to come to America and try to start a new life for their families in the land of opportunity, only to see everything they'd hoped and prayed for snuffed out in the freezing mid-April north Atlantic...

You see where I'm coming from. I'm going to wrap this comment up now so I can go cry for a while.

5/19/2006 8:30 AM  
Blogger Lorna said...

well, Darrell, I've never before cried at a movie review, but when you talked about your reaction to the grand staircase, that was it for me----and I was already thinking fondly of you for your vociferous defense of Bohemian Rhapsody.

5/19/2006 12:04 PM  
Blogger MCF said...

Yeah he might as well copy paste that to Film Geeks. The only thing about the ship that resonated with me was the band playing on, for obvious reasons. What made me really break down wasn't so much the cheesy "hold on Jack!" gurgle scene although that's when the lump in the throat started. It was after you see the photos and certificates and all the things that show what a full life she led, that she fulfilled Jack's last request for her to LIVE, and then when they're reunited at those steps in the hold, aka heaven, there's no stopping the floodgates. I recovered by the time the lights went up but it all came back in the parking lot.

Man, I gotta start injecting some more testosterone back into this site, huh? It's turning into frikking Oprah lately...
By the way, in conversing with Rey I realized I didn't elaborate on WHY it's embarassing that I have Bohemian Rhapsody memorized. I have it memorized as "performed" by Wayne, Garth and co., and will on occasion break into the same headbanging routine from the movie. In my car. At traffic lights.

5/19/2006 8:05 PM  
Blogger Rhodester said...

Absolutely riveting - now post a damn picture of yourself.

(I have to type "asknexan" in order to post this - what exactly should I ask him? What MCF looks like, perhaps?)

5/19/2006 8:44 PM  

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